I had the honor of speaking at this beautiful event earlier this month. It was a privilege and I was thrilled to speak about a topic that is so near to my heart, and which I’m currently living–namely, finding balance & thriving in postpartum, and bringing awareness to the many challenges faced during this beautiful, fragile and absolutely life-changing season. Of course we focus on the milestones of a babies first months, but we must similiarly acknowledge and celebrate/support a mother in all her milestones of postpartum, and what she’s experiencing. I have seen all too often that women “suffer through” these tiring months without support, balance, joy or healthy habits that make them at their best. And as a culture and society, sadly PPD and PPA instances are on the rise, as we pressure women to get “back” to their perfect body, their normal levels of activities, and to rush back into work away from baby. Basically–to ignore the special needs, pace and blessings of this phase of life. Let’s change all of this. We’re flipping the script on postpartum life, I know as a community and society, that it’s important and possible.
*So, if you were there, you’ll know that this is NOT the speech I actually gave word for word—I always find in the moment that speaking from my heart rather than reading is the way to go, but since I prepped these notes, I wanted to share, and get your reactions to them. I know it takes a village and we’re all finding ways to voice just what we, our friends, and the mothers around us, truly need in postpartum. All of our experiences and stories deeply matter. The world needs to hear and be shaped by them*
Talk given at the Woman to Woman event, Saturday, May 18, 2019
Event supporting NAMI (National Alliance Mental Illness)
Tomorrow Starts Today…with how we flip the script on thriving motherhood in postpartum
Good morning, my name is Madeleine Pidel, I’m a wife and mother of 4. I am also a health and business coach, and my postpartum experiences have completely transformed my outlook on life, my own career, and the trajectory of my life and our family. I want to share some reflections about why I believe that we can flip the script on mothers thriving in motherhood (which begins in the fragile days of postpartum), and thus create a better tomorrow, today.
I will start with my experiences in postpartum, and draw out some important conclusions based on stories that many of you here may be able to relate to, or know someone in your life who’s going through this.
With my first daughter, born 9 years ago this summer, I was working hard at a job I loved in NYC, when all of a sudden, it was time for her to be born, and maternity leave started…
…After a challenging (and beautiful) natural birth experience, I found myself completely overwhelmed, exhausted, life upside-down, no way of knowing how to care for this little human in my arms, or myself. I remember some days I didn’t get dressed, didn’t leave the couch, but I had a super supportive husband, and community of first time moms, so it wasn’t too lonely or tough (comparatively). But I definitely struggled with my identity, my feelings of self-worth (when I was focusing all my time on a baby, which didn’t feel “productive” to my career driven self). I had tinges of postpartum depression, and by 8 weeks, was actually relieved to have found an amazing nanny and to be going back to work part time–my brain needed it, and I needed a reason to get dressed and feel like a normal human. Of course, once I was balancing part-time (almost full-time) work and a child, I was getting frayed thinner than ever before. This is the reality for so many women. And rather than asking for more help, I just pushed harder and began to experience burnout when I was around 1 year postpartum. I had a health crisis, was very nutritionally depleted, no extra energy to workout or “care for myself” which I had decided was “selfish” at this point. It was my own crisis and wake up call I needed. I was fired from the job that was draining me, and I was given the gift of time to focus on being “just mom” while looking for another job.
At this point, my friend Melinda reached out to me and supported me, and shared this opportunity of business ownership that she was just discovering as a new mom like me. I was given a ray of hope to create a beautiful future for our family, and to dream again, all in an instant. What a gift to give a mother—to believe she can be truly present to her babies and kids as they grow, while being fully ambitious and pursuing beautiful things that matter to her too. It’s our lean-out, best of both worlds reality, that I feel so privileged to live, and to share.
This time, I had a strong sense that while my baby (turned toddler) could thrive without me around, I needed to be more a part of her life, and I was inspired to prepare to leave my desk job life. So in preparing to conceive and give birth to my 2nd child, I started my own business with this amazing tribe of women you see all around you, and I choose to work in finance in an environment with better work-life balance, and I knew I would be saying goodbye to office life after my 2nd was born, so my husband and I did everything we could to prepare financially for this transition. I had these incredible nutritional tools that are being shared (with my 2nd pregnancy) and felt amazing (no GD, worked out until 37 weeks), and my birth to a 9lb 11 oz baby girl was a beautiful experience, and my recovery was swift, I felt amazing just days after birth. I went on the road and traveled when she was 3 weeks old; to our global conference and our families. Balancing postpartum with a toddler was challenging but I wisely put myself into situations (the homes of my aunt, my mom, my mother in law) where I could rest and be cared for in those early weeks. But when I was preparing to go back to work at 8 weeks (to finish up a project then give my notice), the familiar deep dread set in. It’s just against everything in our hormonal and natural makeup to leave our babies so young and be sitting in an office, often doing work we could do remotely. Pumping and bottle prep takes women sometimes up to an hour each day/evening, and it’s just draining. My child didn’t take a bottle well at all, so I was going home on lunch breaks to feed her, then rushing back to work, pump, work some more, all knowing that things would shift soon enough. When she was 3.5 months old (and I’d been working for 6 weeks to complete an audit project)–I brought her in, in a carrier, and gave my notice to my boss, one of the moments I’ll always remember. I focused on my littles and worked on growing my at home business. The challenges of self-care, and balance remain, but with the empowering community of business owners, no one judges you for bringing babies to meetings, to conferences, and I felt so empowered and grateful. I had mom friends commenting to me–“you’re so lucky you get to have time with your babies and still use your brain”, and this beautiful reality drove me to share this gift with many other mommas. The work-life balance we desire, and which our babies need from us in their first years of life, is possible with some creativity and grit.
I LOVE seeing the women of my generation–from all walks of life and careers, rise up and take a stand for better balance in their work, in the baby’s first year and beyond. We’re continuing to show that we’re more valuable in our careers of choice BECAUSE of being mothers, not in spite of it. And with enough women doing just this important balance, the general culture can shift towards being more understanding of flexible working, a win-win situation.
I have now had 2 other postpartum experiences, as a business owner, and it’s incredible beautiful and freeing. I have had to learn to be better about asking for help, outsourcing everything except the most precious roles that only a mother can fill, and learning “radical self-care for radical service” which is my tagline for mommas. It’s not selfish to make sure our bodies, hearts and minds are working at their best to care for and raise these humans. It’s essential. And we need to rise up and create a stronger culture of care and support, enlisting folks who truly understand what is happening (and needed) in postpartum to provide that for mommas.
Of course, dropping off meals and baby clothes is a kind gesture, and appreciated, but even more appreciated or needed is taking the other kids away for an hour so mom can nap, or, when she’s ready, coming over to provide company to the new mother, or just hold the babe while she gets a moment to herself.
Additionally, all the nutritional and hormone balancing tools we offer are a crucial part of the puzzle for me. I use the foundational nutrition tools that the women in this room all use and rave about–I don’t know about you, but I want to age with grace, and alot of energy. I’m healthier now in my mid 30s, after 4 kids, than I was in my mid 20s, and I know it’s thanks to these daily vitalizer and daily shake. I literally can’t imagine going a day without them.
I’ve had 3 incredibly healthy pregnancies, with perfect health markers, high energy, the ability to workout, and this sets up for a smoother postpartum experience–less “baby weight” to lose, more energy, easier time transitioning into postpartum fitness habits, and of course it takes discipline and a strong WHY, but this is something all new moms crave and need more of, to be uplifted and reminded that they too, are allowed to thrive. Even the age old “sleepless exhausted” momma of a newborn doesn’t have to be that way. I had 1 baby (before Shaklee) who was the classic collicky, gassy, fussy, not a good sleeper, and I have since had 3 larger (healthy birth weight) Shaklee babies who sleep well for me from day 1, and not only that, we have tools like the cal mag and the pm recover to ensure mommas get the most out of their crucial rest.
With my 3rd postpartum, even though I was very healthy and had a good recovery, I began to experience some signs of adrenal fatigue and PPA, which is less diagnosed, understood or talked about. For me it looked like being super busy, keeping my super mom cape on too much, and getting frayed/fried around the edges. Getting exhausted easily, snappy at my kids (too easily anxious or angry) and I had to work to reset my nervous system, with tools like the stress relief complex, B’s, valuing sleep more, and I also discovered the incredible healing art of reflexology, and regular massage, etc, to support my body and give it extra doses of self-care, for all that I was expecting of it. This is when I embraced the concept of “radical self-care for radical service”–when we know WHY we want to be at our best, and who we’re doing it for (in addition to ourselves) it rises from the level of “extra” to essential.
This time around, in my 4th postpartum with Blaise, I wanted it to be as peaceful and restful as possible, and I called on my mom and family/sisters to come and stay with me for the first full month. I cooked very few meals, did almost no driving or caring for the kids, and this allowed me to have my best, fastest recovery, which amazed my midwives, considering it’s my 4th. I used Every Mother throughout the pregnancy and in the weeks following to prevent any additional separation and to continue healing my DR–which is a huge challenge for many moms, and I know SO many folks who’ve seen huge improvements in their back pain, posture, core strength and more.
I also did the extra resting/focus on support in those first weeks to balance my mood and ensure I didn’t develop early triggers for adrenal fatigue. It’s about giving mom permission (and value) to deeply REST, and in doing the very important work that she and baby are doing. We need communities and a society that support this understanding of postpartum, and as I look around this room, I can see that all of you are inspired by, and working towards, and can commit with me towards that.
I’ve become so much more aware of what my body needs in postpartum, with the phrases “intuitive eating” and “mindful movement” shaping much of my daily habits, and I’m so grateful for the incredible set of nutritional tools at our disposal. I’ve gone on to run a half marathon at 6 months postpartum with my 3rd, and things that would have been unthinkable to that original sleep and energy deprived me of 9 years ago. The GLA complex helps with balancing hormones and I take it whenever I’m feeling my mood is out of whack, along with lots of healthy (mindful movement, walking, stretching), socializing with those who lift me up, and epsom salts are hugely healing for postpartum nerves, afalfa for breastfeeding, vivix for reducing inflammation and of course, healthy digestion with optiflora DI. I eat a hormone balancing diet and have learned so much about the nutrition of postpartum not only through coaching other women through it from all walks of life, and living it myself deeply, but also through this wonderful resource called “the first 40 days” (A perfect book to give to someone you know who’s expecting a babe) (linked below). It’s about committing to a self care routine and knowing you’re doing it for you, and for baby. Doing things that bring us joy each day are crucial–it can be as simple as reading a book you enjoy while baby naps on you in the mornings with your favorite tea, laying out on a blanket in the sun in our yards while babe is napping, or grabbing a coffee at your favorite local spot, and sitting in a park (getting OUT with babe for our best mental health)…these things build up our level of joy and gratitude during this season which is also so ultimately demanding of us. The balancing act is challenging, but so beautiful when each mom finds her postpartum groove.
These babies are our future, and caring well for their mommas in those crucial, vulnerable, fragile first weeks & months (which are also the most beautiful), is our gift to the future of our world.
Action item: Can we all reach out to a new mom in our life today; let her know she’s valued, loved and supported? Share with her that postpartum can be a thriving, energized and truly happy and wonderful experience, and that want to be there for her, to support her in experiencing just that, with your presence, deep caring, and all the tools and ideas mentioned here.
Thank you!
More resources:
*First 40 days, a guide to nourishing the new mother (book)
*Facebook Postpartum community
*Other postpartum blog posts–here and here.
*Support NAMI (Putnam county chapter) here.