Here we are, 1 month into ‘22. How are things shaping up for your year?They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit, and we’re at 31 days of working on new things for ‘22. How’s it feeling? What’s working, and where are you getting stuck? What’s on your heart to create more of? I’m here to support everything that you’re up to. Keep reading 😉
As you well know…80% of people will have given up on their new years resolutions by the 2nd week of Feb. And I know you’re on the other side of that stat, but perhaps you’re feeling a loss in motivation, and need a fresh perspective, mindset & some new tools to continue powering ahead towards your goals.Perhaps re-thinking how we set goals (vs building new habits) & setting up our feelings & intentions to align with those could be part of the issue…this is where a mindset coach comes in!
Mindset shifts lead to major life shifts. Thinking differently leads to acting differently, and getting different results.
One concept, if you’ve read the book Atomic Habits, is the idea that small positive changes that are relatively easy to do daily—without major resistance (which always appears when we’re trying to make positive life changes))—can then build into an upward spiral. We all know this is true. If we make a great first choice in the morning to workout before reaching for coffee, then we’re more likely to eat healthier during the day, have energy to be patient with our kids/coworkers/pets, and then make choices that lead us to go to bed early to do the whole thing over again tomm.This relates to the concept of microshifts—changing 1% of your day, or 15 minutes, to make the calls you’ve been putting off, or taking time to pray, to get in a mini workout, whatever it is, sometimes those simple shifts are what truly get us building momentum & soon we realize that we’re able to upgrade & shift alot of things in our day towards the life we envision.
Your ideal life & daily flow might be only a few microshifts away for you!
Another perspective on goals vs habits: Rather than focusing only on the stretch goal (run a marathon), we can focus in on the immediately do-able step towards the habit (get off the couch & go for a 30 min walk)…which can then, with consistency, become the habit that enables us to move daily & eventually, run that race! Perhaps along the way we realize that setting the goal of running a marathon was actually about feeling a certain level of fitness & daily satisfaction with working out…and the goal is about getting us to the habit, of the habitualized & intense fitness (which we can achieve with or without crossing the finish line).
What do you think of this? Does this help to shift the foucs on your stretch goals & focus instead on the habits, micro-shifts & processes that will get you closer to those goals?Keep scrolling down for some examples of some powerful microshifts I work with my life designers & inspired life clients on.I’m here for you. Onward & upward. Your dreams for ‘22 are real & deserve to be realized!
Want more of this (mindset work)? Consider doing the life design course or jumping into inspired life coaching with me. A fresh perspective & cheerleader—making your goals my own! Fill out this contact form below to discuss what will be best for you!
An energized, balanced and happy mom is the most important thing for a baby’s well-being in the early stages. Postpartum is meant to be a time where mom and baby thrive. At no other time (besides pregnancy) does a mother’s care for herself translate so directly into the care she provides for her baby. A mother’s body is doing so much in postpartum to provide for her baby’s health and growth.
It’s a beautiful thing to be able to provide the BEST of nutrition and holistic tools to help postpartum mothers feel their best.
As someone who’s had 5 babies, I can tell you that I’ve had a variety of experiences. All these tools mentioned below are ones I discovered after my first postpartum recovery, which was…rough, to say the least.
At the time, I couldn’t imagine how a mom could enjoy the postpartum time, but with these tools that I have now, I can honestly say that I look forward to and absolutely LOVE the early days. Ideally, there is gentle healing/recovery, adjusting to your baby’s needs, carving out quiet and rest and a safe space for the new addition to flourish and thrive.
Because it’s so foreign to our modern sensibilities to value rest, quiet, stillness, and deep nourishment, it takes intention and planning to make this kind of postpartum lifestyle your reality.
Everything in this list I personally use (some are from my favorite brand partner) and I can vouch for the difference they make–I feel it’s my responsibility to share what’s worked for me & so many of the mommas I support/coach in PP…it is possible & you deserve to thrive at every moment of this fragile & beautiful season with baby!!
Early Postpartum Recovery Tools:
*The Every Mother Early Reclaim program is my absolute favorite. It’s changed my body forever and allows me to recover faster and stronger after each baby I’ve had and return to working out more balanced and whole than before. You can start as early as 1 week postpartum, and it’s 100% safe and doctor approved.
*Postpartum stretching and body image program. This is something I put together in my 4th postpartum, when it was essential to me to regain balance and a sense of well-being and strength before doing more intense workouts. It connected me to my PP body in new levels of appreciation and love, and I’ll share that with you in a 7 video series that you can easily fit into PP days. These are short videos and stretching guides to help you in the healing process, and to feel amazing.
*Vivix is my hands-down favorite for promoting/supporting the healing process in your body.
*Bone broths, and products high in collagen are key for postpartum nutrition
*New Collagen product that I throw into my shakes (after first 40 days) or into soups/yogurt/etc before that. Incredibly important for healing/reshaping your skin
*Alfalfa (also helpful for breastfeeding)…this is one of nature’s supergreens, and you can get it in tablet form…helps with letting go of that oh-so-burdensome water weight & bloating after pregnancy, and also helps with energy levels.
*These are key during first 40 days when your body is doing the bulk of the initial healing work after birth*
*Postnatal depletion is so common and so unfortunate. You’re giving the very best of yourself to baby during pregnancy & if you choose to breastfeed, it just keeps going. You need to replenish after birth with the very best, and that’s been my experience in postpartum. After my first, I found myself dragging, exhausted, it wasn’t just the sleep-less nights. My body really was running on empty. My prenatal (at the time ) wasn’t doing anything for me, it was just expensive pee.
Fast forward to now…I have crazy amounts of energy, and don’t experience that deep fatigue so often associated with postpartum early weeks…I’m careful to rest, and balance with all of the recs here, but in particular, your baseline nutrition is KEY for how you’ll both nourish baby (my infants are off the charts for weight in early weeks ;), my favorite marker)…and yourself!
Nourishment also looks like…
*Doing things that bring you joy each day
*Taking tasks/housework/childcare off your plate & mental load–letting yourself be pampered & cared for the way you’re caring for baby
*Making choices about what you want each day to look like; clear boundaries, rituals that support you & baby, and trusting your intuition.
Here’s my 2 favorite recs. I actually mix & match, doing the meology packs and vitalizer strips alternating since I love both programs immensely & can’t choose one over the other….my meology pack has alot of omegas for example for brain health/mood balancing, and the vitalizer has those oh-so-beautiful combinations of nutrients designed to help mommas thrive and feel better than ever!!
Vitalizer Women: A best-in-class complete pre/postnatal plan with a daily strip you can throw in a diaper bag or take anywhere–it’s simple, comprehensive (80 bio-optimized nutrients from Bs, D’s and vitalea w iron, to a powerful probiotic). You’ll never go back once you start.
Me-ology: (It’s a totally personalized nutrition program where you put in your 3 main health goals and it creates a special nutrition pack just for your needs). I love this one, and it can vary alot in cost based on the goals you have and the supplements included. Play around with it, try it for 30 days, and the nice thing is that you can also adjust the pack as your health goals change, which is common in the 9 months following baby.
If you’re not sure which one to focus on, or have questions when looking at the details, email me hello@maddypidel.com….the meology will also prompt me when you’ve taken the quiz so we can discuss your results 🙂
Digestion
Any mother can tell you–digestion is one of those tricky things after birth and can be the difference between a pleasant & unpleasant first few weeks, as the body re-adjusts, organs move back into proper place, swelling & inflammation go down, and the body’s metabolism & digestion is natural sluggish right after birth when establishing the breastfeeding/milk production routine…
*Optiflora DI–a best-in-class probiotic with 4 strains that are highly studied & proven to work well together for not only gut health (which ties in with mood) but also for immunity boosting–something every new momma needs 😉
*Ez-Gest–digestive enzymes are key for maintaining a proper digestive pace, and especially in PP, these can play a key role when digestion can sometimes be sluggish. Helps break down food that can also keep baby from having tummy upsets (as does optiflora).
Garlic Complex–can be a useful aid; nature’s anti-biotic and helps kill off bad bacteria in the gut (while kombucha can help replace with new positive organisms). I take it on occasion.
Breastfeeding Support
A beautiful gift to baby & incredible for bonding/establishing strong mother-baby connections–but obviously something that isn’t the right choice for everyone, so no judgement. For me…it’s been a cornerstone of establishing my own postpartum rhythms & mood balancing, and is one of the reasons that I’ve defaulted to co-sleeping primarily during the first 3 months when milk production is getting established. Whatever you choose, we all know the whole gamut of leaking/cracked nipples/clogged ducts (ugh), and even breast infections. Here’s what I keep on hand to make breastfeeding as smooth as possible—along with a good quality pump which can help in times of engorgement/clogging when baby isn’t up to the challenge.
*Hydrate/Performance Electrolytes. Staying hydrated while breastfeeding, especially in warmer months, can be challenging. The all night feeding sessions take their toll, and we need electrolytes to replenish, not just water. This is my favorite formula, and I love the lemon lime, mixed with the energizing tea & chia seeds–the ultimate PP midday pick-me-up.
*Alfalfa–helps as a galactagogue (milk increase) but also in my experience, this blend with peppermint helps balance if there’s an oversupply issue…also amazing for baby (obviously, as a super green).
*Lecithin is key for thinning milk/unclogging ducts. This particular one works like a charm for me…take 1-3 when I feel a clogged duct issue & it resolves itself quickly with baby/pumps’ help. No time for that nonsense 😉
*Stress relief complex. Because stress can be tied to milk production, or lack thereof, always good to keep this handy. I rely on it in the early weeks to keep off my “edge” & to help both baby & I relax & enjoy the moments we have.
Sleep!
A good night’s sleep is literally magic for a new mom. And the beauty of these supplements is that they pass through (in small quantities) to baby so you can ensure you’re both getting optimal support for your rest.
PM Recovery–this, along with the epsom salt baths, will be a key piece of your early recovery & reducing soreness in the days/weeks following birth. It serves as a muscle relaxer & sleep inducer (with tart cherry) & I love how effective it is. Don’t do postpartum without it. Designed for athletes, and yes, momma, you’re a super star athlete in PP.
Sleep gummies. These have become a favorite in our household since I began using them right before Nellie–it’s always good to have toddlers & other siblings sleeping well at night too. I LOVE how fast these kick in, and how well they knock you out–without a drowsy side effect if you do end up getting some interruptions to a stretch of sleep.
Gentle Sleep complex. Another formula of various herbs to promote restful sleep. I don’t use it as often as the other 2, but it’s equally effective & can be combined with the others—1 tablet of each 😉
Enjoy those precious hours of sleep…and…for the first 3 months, whenever possible…nap!
Hormone Balancing & moods
A very real part of postpartum life. This can really add a challenging dimension to caring for self, for baby, and for basic life stuff when moods are everywhere…even the basic things can feel overwhelming and then the guilt can set in that we aren’t enjoying this time the way we want to be. Here’s a secret….rest, rest, care for momma’s nutrition & mental well-being & the rest will work itself out. These tools can help ALOT & I start taking them in larger amounts (the GLA) in late pregnancy to help begin the process.
*GLA complex (A miracle worker for postpartum moods). It’s so simple & yet so real…these crucial healthy fats help us as we transition from birth through the first 40 days, and beyond.
*Cal-Mag. Not only does it serve the purpose of providing magnesium but it also gives us that crucial calcium boost (esp if you live dairy free like me).
*Magnesium supplements (there are a bunch on the market…I’ve been happy with these calm gummies, & sometimes give them to my kids too)
*Mood lift complex (St.Johns Wort & natural herbs) can be beneficial if you’re more prone to postpartum depression (I’m more prone to PPA, hence mag & stress relief). If you don’t know, have both on hand, and experiment to see if you can get yourself balanced.
*Epsom salt baths (also serve for purposes of relaxing/better sleep)…when we have a depletion of magnesium, we can experience more mood swings, and more swings towards postpartum anxiety. Take it from me, it’s not a great way to experience life with baby…Here’s the PP bath salts I use for healing & mood & sleep.
*Please don’t construe this as medical advice or taking the place of speaking with a counselor or psychologist if you’re having extreme mood swings or having trouble getting emotional balance in PP. You have every right to seek professional help if things feel too far “off” your normal.
Healthy weight in PP
I don’t like the idea of diets in PP–it’s truly a 4 letter word. We’re focused on deep nourishment & nutrition to balance the body, and supporting digestion….naturally, weight loss will follow. Dieting can also mess with moods/balance (deprivation will trigger anxiety in many mommas with good reason…you and baby need all the healthy nutrition you can summon…) But that also doesn’t mean you can’t care for yourself & lose the “baby weight” in simple, safe & effective ways…
Here’s a few things that can aid in feeling great, providing the best healthy snacks & meals in a pinch when mom has only one hand (but can start a blender)…I have many more tips & suggestions from my many years of baby recoveries & getting back to an ideal weight/fitness level…that I’ll share in my upcoming mini course.
*Life Shake plant protein: a simple & delicious meal replacement. I don’t suggest doing them as meal replacements until after 2.5 months, or when baby is established in feeding routines & their own weight gain…you don’t want to jeopardize baby’s caloric intake 😉 It’s So nice & easy to whip up a shake at lunch time, and depending on what you add in, it can be a nice caloric punch & also a treat, that tastes amazing.
*Metabolic boost: recommended for use after 3 months PP, for similiar reasons as above….establishing milk supply, etc, firmly first.
If weight loss is a priority for momma I do have some healthy programs & tools that I can offer you after a quick consult. I have modifications for a 7 day healthy cleanse that is totally safe for mom & baby, and works great (after first 3 months)…as well as other elements of the 180 program that may be tailored to your specific needs. Email me hello@maddypidel.com, and we’ll chat about how to get you to your ideal weight, without dieting or deprivation or reducing baby’s nutrition/milk supply…
My hope for you, momma, is that postpartum is a time of deep rest, deep grounding in the blessings of this season, of this incredible baby that you’ve been gifted with caring for, and that the bonding time is front & center, along with your own care & well-being. You will need to gather a support team to help you along this journey, and you’ll welcome all forms of next-level care that appear. This list of my favorite things is meant to transform your experience of postpartum, and to share all that I’ve learned and benefitted from in my experiences…(things I wish someone had told me or given me when prepping for my first;))…we all have our own unique experiences, but there are many shared elements of postpartum that mommas can connect about, and support each other with. You’re not alone in what you’re going through.
So here we are, sharing the mom tribe wisdom, and of course, if you have questions or want additional support in your postpartum journey, I highly encourage you to check out the mini-course I’ve been working on for you…it does touch on many of these areas & goes much deeper into other areas such as fitness, postpartum productivity & life design,
All my love,
Maddy
Reach me at hello@maddypidel.com with comments, questions, or just to say hello 🙂
Maddy’s note: this is my 100th blog post! I had no idea when we started this humble project a few years back, where it would take us, and how much we would enjoy the process. Thanks to all you faithful readers, and a huge shout-out and thank you to my sister Annie, my talented editor.
This post was featured in the Theology of Home roundup on August 5, 2020.
Our humble garden has been changing the pace of our summers for four years now.
It started as a fun project that we took on when moving to the “country,” and has become something we look forward to each year. The first year was a lesson in many things, but mostly in eagerness. We enjoyed building the beds and planting a large multitude of different seeds and seedlings, only to realize we could overcrowd the plants, and that we had alot to learn about tending them into a fruitful harvest.
When I started my gardening habits four years ago, I was in a season of mild postpartum anxiety (PPA) and was generally overwhelmed. Adjusting from two to three kids was hard for me, and on top of that, we had made a big (wonderful) move to a more rural lifestyle, out of the crazy hustling pace of New York City. It was a lot of change, and I needed a full reset of the pace that I’d grown accustomed to. I knew that life could be simpler, slower, and richer in little ways, but I struggled to relinquish the cultural pressures of hustle, “more,” and “instant,” and my kids did too.
As we learned to tend our plants that first summer, I saw a shift in all of us. Of appreciation for simple daily miracles, of slowness, of wonder at the beauty of our world, and at our chance to cultivate a small corner of it.
Over these four summers, we’ve spent some beautifully memorable hours prepping, tending to it (though we’re very low-maintenance about it relative to some expert gardeners), and of course, harvesting, as we are now in July and August.
There are cherry tomatoes we eat like candy, herbs for nightly dinner enhancements (and cocktails, of course), and other things like cucumbers and zucchinis, eggplant, bell peppers, that appear almost overnight and miraculously…the growth can almost be seen if you watch closely. It reminds me of how it feels to watch my children, ages almost 10 to 18 months, growing before my eyes with the simple ingredients of summer: food, sunshine, and long hours of play.
In a culture that emphasizes and values consumption over all (think our overflowing homes, netflix subscriptions and screen consumption, constant need for new, different, the way social media fans the flames of need cycles), I know that our humble attempt to grow a garden is something that helps me pause. To lean towards other values. Of cultivation, care-taking, and a slower pace of life.
Why we garden: some thoughts
Gardening is an excellent form of the “unplugging” and resetting that we all need, especially in the midst of a year that has challenged everything about our sense of normalcy.
In the past, we, like many other families, have gone down the path of summertime crowding and the “consumption” of experiences like camps, activities at the library, and vacations away. I’m still sometimes guilty of falling prey to this, but the presence of our garden and the life flourishing right there in that patch, pulls me back to a more grounded reality, helping me relish staying home and living expansively within our spaces.
A book that I read last summer drove home this perspective from another angle. There are some nearly forgotten values that we would do well to build our lives on—sustainability, cultivation, peace, patience, and a long-term perspective. Cultivating these values leads us to make decisions that have positive ripples for years and decades to come.
I don’t know how much my kids will remember of all of this, or if they will cherish home grown foods or choose to plant a garden in their future lives, but I do know that they take so much pride in the veggies they are growing here today. They eat them willingly, proudly tasting the fruits of their labor, and I believe they have a deeper sense of wonder and appreciation for the earth and its fruits knowing the process that we go through, from seed to harvest.
Living in tune with nature’s rhythms
When we start our seeds in the frigid April air of Connecticut or buy our tiny seedlings from local farms in May, we are committing with hope and joy to the cycles of the year; the long hot days are soon to come.
And in August, when the cherry tomatoes are bursting with ripeness and we walk by and pop them in our mouths as we wander around the yard, it’s a reminder of the goodness of each season and of just how much the little things, simple and fleeting as they may seem, can truly mark and ground our lives. (Do you think we would appreciate juicy summer tomatoes the same way if every day was hot and tomato season was year round? I doubt it.)
When we get a sudden, strong, mid-afternoon summer storm, I sigh happily knowing that nature is doing its watering (even if it means we have to get creative with our rainy day plans). There’s a bigger life cycle at work that we’re tapping into. There’s something to be said for living with these seasonal rhythms that remind us, a time for everything and everything in its time.
This year, the four kids each had the chance to be responsible for designing and tending to one of the garden beds as we built. They enjoyed every aspect from moving soil, picking out seedlings from a local organic farm, and planting their selection of herbs, veggies and flowers. It was a process that kept us happily busy for long spring days, and now they burst with pride when picking veggies for dinner or showing yard guests the growth of their gardens.
Keeping it simple
All these plants really need are good soil, sun, and plentiful water—sometimes rain, sometimes overzealous hose soaks from the kids, or a gentle sprinkler mist, mid-day, that helps punctuate our routines and outdoor time.
The garden welcomes whatever attention it gets, and these plants are hard-wired to thrive. The other day my daughter was having a tough moment and I told her that plants grow and do well when we sing to them. Now I’ll see her pausing in the middle of her play to sing a short song to them (or catch the dragon fly that always linger there) before she goes back to her games.
It’s easy to over-complicate gardening, like anything in life. Or to focus on the results (I have a zucchini plant that is HUGE, but not producing fruit! Puzzling, but I’m going with it). Keeping our expectations for the garden project low has meant that we welcome and relish all the harvest we get, and we stay curious/learn from mishaps or things that don’t turn out as planned.
Creating Space
Turns out–we learned from our beginners’ eagerness the first year, you can definitely over-crowd a garden space, causing nothing to grow very well because each plant is competing for the key ingredients to a good life: sun, water, and soil nutrients.
When I’m pruning my tomato plants, cutting back the stems and growth that, while pretty, will keep the plant from flourishing and producing fruit, I’m struck by the metaphor for our lives. I’ve distilled this metaphor/life lesson into a phrase that’s become a guiding principle of my life (and of my signature life design course): “create space”. In order for the good stuff to flourish (and even before we may fully see it coming to fruit), we have to diligently prune and make room in our lives so that the good fruit can make itself known.
Cultivating patience
As anyone who knows me well can attest, patience is not my strong suit.
Sometimes my impatience leads to gardening catastrophe. Last year I had a great bunch of seeds germinating in my laundry room in trays, and I transplanted them just a wee bit too soon, before it was warm enough…they didn’t make it.
Fortunately, I also have kids who help me grow in this virtue. Tending to little ones (plants or humans) requires ample amounts of patience. Like when I’m teaching my toddler to enjoy watching (not tugging or touching) the green tomatoes, growing in size in June and July, and reminding him to wait until they are perfectly red (or purple) before we pick.
How much more we appreciate and savor the long awaited veggie when it’s finally ripe and ready for the sauce-pan or the salad bowl. And how much more our patience reminds us of the value of what we’re anticipating.
Accepting the times of hidden growth, and of times of blossoming
This year, in our new space, I’ve been marveling at watching the growth up close, and with plot twists. With late frosts and a beach trip, we planted everything pretty late, and the first few weeks it felt like we might never see growth. Between little seedlings trying to survive the elements, some pebbles lovingly thrown at them, sporadic watering, and a child’s attempt to “weed” them, our plantings just couldn’t catch a break. And since this was a new garden plot we didn’t know if it would be the winning combo of sun, shade and distance from roving animals.
But we kept doing all the steps, and trusting the process, more instinctively now, without knowing what kind of a bounty we would get.
Sure enough, after weeks of what felt like incremental growth came a week of heavy daily rains and an explosion of blooms, blossoms, fruits, and veggies just appearing, literally from day to day, before our eyes.
Nothing can prepare you for that sudden shift from nothing to something, from barrenness to fruit, from hopefulness to gratitude. But like everything in life, we have to accept that there are patient, long, dry periods, followed by the beautiful blossoms, fruits of prayer and work and living, that make it all worthwhile, and cause us to marvel: “how could all this bounty have come from such a tiny (hopeful) starting point?”
In the garden, as in life, it feels like a miracle, every time. We simply have to trust and stay present to the process as it unfolds.
Garden rhythms, a slower life
I’m someone that thrives on rituals or daily rhythms. Loose enough (room for adjustments and spontaneity), but structured nonetheless. Moms’ lives can feel a bit chaotic at times, so I look for predictable elements that I can plug into and offer as guideposts to the kids, especially on these long summer days.
Midday naps, morning work and chores, then afternoon simple outings, and predictable morning routines all work for me. Mornings are my best chance to fit in my necessary quiet, recharging moments like an early morning run or walk in nature—sneaking away to be alone with my thoughts.
The rituals of tending to a garden (water, weed, harvest), which I at first saw as yet another thing on the to-do list, has become embedded in how we do summer. When I turn on the hose for a midday garden watering, it often turns into sprinklers and water play. When I take the few minutes needed to weed a bit or harvest, I savor the long evening rays of the sun hitting the garden and their nearby swing, the kids play around me, or I help them harvest without destroying the plants in the process. The pre-dinner ritual is to plan our meal based on what’s ripe and ready to be eaten…and to grab the herbs, veggies and anything else we need to craft our meals.
We live a moment of gratitude for this gift of food growing right here, for our enjoyment.
It’s good to feel connected to the process and helpful to the growth of a garden, but not fully responsible. Like the “soul gardening” I’m doing with my littles.
I can’t imagine summer without these garden rhythms, and I pray that the slower pace of life, and the new rhythms we’ve welcomed (often reluctantly) in 2020, sink deeply into all of us, helping pull us out of our modern busyness & hustle, and reminding us of just how much goodness and beauty lies in timeless rituals of cultivation, care-taking and living in tune with nature.
I want to share a series of mini reflections on postpartum life–or, what’s really going on behind all those cute baby milestone photos we love to smile at. Sometimes it’s hard to peel back the layers–to let others in to this truly intense, often emotional, exhausting, time–it can feel that we’re in the eye of a hurricane–quiet but with huge forces of change all around us.
The reality of postpartum is that of a truly transforming existence for mother and child; as they learn to be apart (after the womb life), and learn to be together, in new ways, and in the world. Each week is unique and oh-so-meaningful, and I know, for myself, I want to remember all of it.
I truly believe that postpartum is a time when both baby and momma are meant to thrive. This has been my mission in coaching many women over the past years, and having this focus myself has helped me tremendously in the past years when #postpartumlife was my ever-present reality.
I’m immensely grateful for my tribe of mommas over in the FB postpartum community; they have been incredible in this phase, and I know if you’re not in there already, you’ll be very welcome indeed–whether you’re about to have a baby, or had a baby 6 years ago…
I’m finally ready to write and process some of the beautiful incredible things that made up the first weeks of postpartum life with Blaise. I know this will be part one of a series, because postpartum life is far from over–but there’s something so incredible, so special about the first 40 days, or 6 weeks, when momma is resting and healing and taking time to focus on bonding with babe…and then, the several weeks following that which are a process of unpacking and beginning to take strides to a new normal–new daily rhythms that work well for all–we’re perhaps just now beginning to find these.
Knowing (as this is my 4th) that this phase is both beautiful, intense and oh-so-short…but that postpartum life is more of a marathon not a sprint I wanted to honor and deeply dive into the first 40 days, soaking it all up with intention rather than having it pass like a blur.
*To the first time momma: it’s impossible to have perspective. I remember so clearly wondering: will I ever sleep again? Will my body ever feel normal again? Will this little human being ever stop needing me so much? The answer to all of these is yes, but in the midst of it all you struggle to feel that anything is as it should be*
NOW, knowing what I know, I decided to just truly bask in the first few weeks, to document everything (sooo many pics of the 4th child, he can’t hold that over us)…and to be still, to be offline much of the time, when I needed a mental break, to be quiet with these changes, to watch my family accept and welcome this new life, and to let the big ripples of this major life change, turn into smaller and smaller ripples as everyone breathes and leans into it, and grows. There is plenty of time to start exercising, to be “productive”, to do errands with baby (spoiled me, I didn’t set foot in a grocery store for 6 weeks around Blaise’ birth), and to look the part. (Yes, I do love new clothes in postpartum, but not because there’s a certain goal size waistline or pressure to bounce back).
There’s no going “back” We’re only going forward to new, better levels of ourselves.
Mother fills a distinct role during this time. She needs to be supported to focus on that; her own healing and re-balancing/recovery as a primary need, and with this, the ability to nourish her child as she nourishes and strengthens herself. Anyone who’s been through it can tell you the deep vulnerability and fragility that is felt, and why it’s crucial that she has a strong and supportive community around her, so she can keep her nervous system at peace.
The realization that postpartum life needs to be paced (and this is just my first post in a series, because there are many distinct phases & topics of postpartum)…is something that’s come to me over the years, and helped inspire a group of us to come together to take back conversations about postpartum life, just how different moms’ needs, goals and habits should be during that period, and to honor it as a time to thrive. This requires a tremendous family and community support to do well–mom must be allowed to re-focus her precious energies without guilt.
A short (mini) birth story
Yes, all postpartum experiences begin with the birth. This wasn’t meant to be the focus of this post/series, but I will share a bit about this beautiful birth experience we had with Blaise.
We waited 10 long days from Blaise’ due date to when he was ready to arrive. My patience grows thin during those times, and it becomes harder to care for the kids and do everything as my body preps for birth. I’m no stranger to post-date babies, but this time, with my hypno-birthing meditations each night, I was able to get perspective and embrace/welcome the natural process of things even as my overly planning/impatient mind couldn’t compute it all sometimes. I called on all the help for school pickups, etc, and rested alot, nested more, and stayed in during some of the coldest days of the winter.
The midwives finally did encourage me (when I was mentally done–and spent the morning both crying/swaying on the birthing ball, and bouncing on my kids trampoline!) that it was time to try castor oil. We did that on a thursday morning (Jan 24th) and my husband stayed home from work, and we arranged to go to the hospital by that evening, no matter where things were, because we knew we didn’t want it dragging on. The castor oil was a totally positive experience for me, not at all icky or hard to manage (I snacked alot and drank tons of hydrate/elecytrolytes)…the contractions were consistent all day, not picking up in pace, but remaining, and when we left the kids peacefully and went in to the hospital and met the midwives and team, I was 3cm along, and contracting well but they were ready to get me into a better pattern and prepare to break my water. I was given a little bit of Pit, and then once my water broke, things progressed quickly. I used my hypnobirthing meditations and then went into the tub to labor once a few contractions felt stronger than I was managing well. Once in the tub, I was only there 5 minutes before I told Joel–I need to get out and push. This was 1.5 hours into my active labor. He was used to two over 24 hour labors (Corinne and Ambrose) so he was seriously skeptical, and tried to convince me to stay in the tub just a bit longer, but somehow husbands wisely know not to argue with their laboring wife…sure enough, I was on the table and pushed Blaise out in 3 pushes, before they had time to even finish wheeling in all the materials, and the midwives laughed at me as I held my 9lb 7oz babe with the biggest grin on my face. He spent so little time in the birth canal and I felt AMAZING as soon as he was out. Such a dream labor and delivery–beyond anything I could have hoped for (though I had been visualizing my perfect birth for weeks, so maybe it’s not a coincidence).
Last pregnant picture–this is it!
Born right after 2am January 25th, our little perfect chunky gift of a baby, to start out 2019 with a bang.
I LOVE the hospital for their “baby friendly” policies and he didn’t leave my room once as we recovered. I had the kids visit and then was ready to go home with my parents who drove up the following day. Getting away from it all and being in a different (short) bubble helps me focus in on the important bonding and early postpartum moments, before life, home and kids come rushing at me. Grateful for the right place to make that transition, and wonderful, wise caregivers.
We loved introducing him to the siblings. He was an immediate hit, and slept through all their pokes, snuggles and “kisses”–for weeks, literally 😉
Intentional & restful postpartum
As I talked about before his birth, I had found myself rushing through the other postpartums with the other kids–if I felt great physically, I would push myself too early, take on too much (or travel alot, etc) and end up frazzled and mentally fried. Even if my body could handle it, it was taking a toll on my nervous system, and felt like more of a blur.
This time around, I RESTED. So much. Way more than is normal for me. I don’t consider myself a very restful person 😉 And it was good.
I napped every day for the first 4 weeks–during the first 2, it was hugely important and I craved that break; my mom would drive Ambrose to pick up the girls from school and I would curl up with Blaise and get at least an hour of lying flat rest. The rest of the time I was totally curled up on the couch with meals being brought to me, teas, broths, I literally didn’t cook a single meal or unload my dishwasher for the first 2 weeks. SO so grateful for my mom stepping in and doing everything. The kids loved it, Joel and I even got out on some date nights when my parents were around the first few weekends, and life felt so different and hugely calm, and like a little bubble of love surrounding us, and it was just perfect. The cold evenings we all hung out by our fire, and took turns cuddling this chub. I had imagined it would be fun to hibernate with a baby, and it has suited me so well (ie, needing a major excuse to stay in and enjoy it, rather than itching to get out, and being stir crazy in winter).
I had a no visitor policy for the first 2 weeks (anyone I would have to get dressed to welcome;)). This was challenging only in a few moments with folks wanting to come by, but they did understand, and it gave me permission to focus entirely on babe, nourishing and resting. I’m an extrovert and love hosting, but I like to have things tidy and at a certain level, so this way, the focus was entirely on my own kiddos and those directly supporting. Having family around to socialize with was wonderful—I could chat as long as I had energy, and hide upstairs when I was done (and know that the kids were in the best of hands).
I will look back on and treasure those moments for a long time—I could feel my body recovering well each day, and while I often am high energy and motivated to do things by day 4-5 postpartum, it’s not that wise for me (and I would regret it) so this time I just did less than I thought I could, and was able to get my sleep into good patterns, my hormones and stress levels were balancing, I held baby all the time, whenever I wanted to, and I didn’t experience any deep exhaustion that way; it made it all more balanced and joyful. I didn’t do anything around the house or much kid management at all–since Joel and my mom were both eager to help with that. I did fold some laundry but that’s because I enjoy doing it and insisted 😉 My mom staying here was a huge gift, and having others doing driving of the kids to and from school, etc, made my restful routines at home possible.
As anyone who’s met him will tell you, Blaise is just a chill, fun kid. He’s the dream baby (that I’ve earned:)) who sleeps like a king…and his little lazy self, just drifting into naps whenever he felt like it–on me or anyone holding him, has been inspiring me in a big way, to take my commitment to sleep/napping more seriously. We could all use a little more lazy Blaisey in our life, right?
Postpartum as a time of transformation
I really embraced this experience of postpartum as a cocoon metaphor; we were in an intense and brief period of transformation, and to do so well, we needed to be away from it all//resting//welcoming support in all forms, and really just being quiet and present to the transformation. I journaled (as I always do) daily, and found that to be a hugely beneficial way to process all that I was experiencing and feeling—not always wanting to talk it out, but mothers always have things that need to be processed, and the right supportive helping team provides this for her too. This quiet/inner work went well with the natural hibernating patterns of Jan/Feb up here, and I knew that soon enough, right about when the warm weather came, we’d be ready for adventures, but to enjoy this brief moment fully–not rushing any bit of it.
When possible, I enjoyed moments of getting dressed and getting out—new moms need this too! Staying in pjs all the time is a recipe for losing sanity a bit ;)—but always followed it up with a nap, and we never tried any crazy outings without extra hands to wrangle the toddler–for the first 4 weeks, to make it enjoyable for all.
This level of rest & welcoming help was huge for me, and of course all my nutrition tools–which I’ve had for the past 2 recoveries which made them so good. You can’t underestimate the effects of post-natal depletion–it’s real, and it’s not good. Our bodies have given SO much to create and birth these human beings, and we have to give time and high quality nourishment and rest to re-balance and come out stronger on the other side. It’s possible, but it takes some serious effort and focus. Energized postpartum starts with a strong baseline for the mother, who’s both nourishing/re-balancing herself and giving alot through feeding her baby.
(to check out these tools for your personalized needs, start here—or message me for a quick health consult if you’re in postpartum).
Having been no stranger to some signs of adrenal fatigue in prior postpartums, I can tell you that it’s something that you can’t mess with–pushing to the edge of your physical or mental capacity. Both you and baby need you at your best, so take that extra time and care. That’s been our focus and why we set things up the way we did for this period of time, and especially since I was so clear that I wanted to come out of this postpartum mentally strong and able to exercise (I have a spring race in the calendar), and ready for some exciting things on the business front…so the more rest and rebuilding that I allowed myself in the first 40 days, the more I could be present and ready for the beautiful next phases as they came.
Some other tools in my toolkit for thriving postpartum:
*The Early reclaim program by every mother. It helped me resolve my diastisis in pregnancy and provided an amazing baseline for core recovery and gentle movement in the first 6 weeks.
*Reflexology; I’m a huge fan of Pippa and I had a session right at the end of my 40 day quiet period, to re-balance my nervous system, energy levels and hormones. Such a gift to find someone who truly knows how the body is meant to heal and re-balance itself. I highly recommend this for postpartum if you haven’t tried, and want an optimal recovery.
*Pelvic & core PT: this has become my go-to for staying active/being an athlete and having babies. Melissa is a wonder worker and I went to her at 3 weeks pp, and schedule to go every 3-4 weeks up through my first running races and getting fully back to a new, better level of fitness. Every mother needs this in their life after birth.
As you may know, I’m a huge fan of the book “The first 40 days, the art of nourishing the new mother“–it completely changed my perspective on postpartum life when I read it after Ambrose, and I embraced many of the healing foods of the book this time around, especially broths and all the focus on hormone-balancing foods and snacks, and they helped me so much.
My dream postpartum breakfast: steaming bone broth with a heaping helping of local ice-cream topped with local granola.Breakfasts cooked every day for me for weeks–a true gift, and so that I could focus on serving breakfast to Blaise:)
I also experienced it as a time of clarity about what mattered—-it’s humbling and beautiful to strip life down to the most essentials, not leaving the house, not cooking meals, barely moving from the couch, and reflecting on–what do I want to add back in to my life? Of course laundry and carpooling are non-negotiables (though outsourcing is wise and I’ll reflect more on that in future posts)…but I mean, beyond, what do we want life to look like? How can we create a new balance that includes this new human beautifully and well? I’m so grateful I was able to lean into these reflections and really consider it all without stress or apprehension. It was instead a perfect moment of “creating space”–the term I focus a lot on in coaching and in my new life design course–that of being willing to add blank space to our schedule—letting go of being busy and instead being free to welcome the memorable, surprising, beautiful elements of life that can sneak up on us when we make room in our planners & hearts.
My 3 words for the year of 2019: First is integration–focused on integrating well as a family of 6, and integrating new routines, etc with baby as a focal point. Another word is intention…and living with the highest level of purposefulness that we can. Life with an infant brings this into sharp focus. My 3rd word for 2019 is impact–and already we’ve shifted things to make this possible in new, smarter ways. Blaise is a huge part of the expanded vision and focus I have, and it’s so exciting to know that family goals can accompany our larger life vision. These weeks really allowed us to delve into these themes and make them real in so many ways.
Thank you for taking time to share in this beautiful, unforgettable chapter of life with us. All the lovely notes, gifts, meals brought, helping hands and beautiful reach-outs just made it all the more special as we enjoyed welcoming and falling in love with our new guy.
The series will continue with posts on topics like: postpartum fitness (lots to say there, as I’m smack in the midst of it all), postpartum and work, postpartum & mental health, and much more. If you have topics you’d like to see discussed–reach out and email me. It’s so important to me to emphasize the beautiful layers of postpartum, and to build a culture that helps moms and babies thrive during this time.
If you’re not on my email list yet–you can hop on at the top of the page to catch the rest of the series in the coming weeks.
By Claire Wilson, artist, runner, lover of nature.
We often hear about the importance of the exercise for the benefit of mental health and overwhelming data and research proves this to be true—physical activity is essential in maintaining a healthy mental outlook. There is a second component to mental health that has been steadily growing in popularity in past decade and that is mindfulness (I think it can also be considered meditation or prayer depending on your religious background). Not surprisingly in our hectic world, people are looking for ways to slow down, to take time to create space in their heads, to breathe, to just be. People are finding this in a myriad of different ways, meditation, yoga, intense physical activity, being outside etc. Mine came in the form of a marathon and a rosary.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety my freshman year of college and ran the gamut of antidepressants for three years. After dropping out of school and finding myself in a zombie like state working at a coffee shop I decided something had to change, the conventional way was not working for me. I was looking into a future of being a slave to a pill that at best put me in a state of no emotion and at worst actually made my symptoms worse. Growing up with a mother whose philosophy towards health and well being was using conventional medicine as a last resort helped motivated me to start looking at more natural alternatives and start my journey to finding the root cause of my depression and anxiety (I just want to put a disclaimer here, I am by no means judging anyone on antidepressants, they have their place and your treatment is between you and your doctor. I would encourage you to look into alternatives though). That is when I got the insane idea to run a marathon, insane because at the time I had just enough will power in a day to crawl from underneath my covers, work my seven hour shift, and crawl back under my blankets. That’s not exactly conducive for doing the 10 to 15 mile training runs needed for a successful race. To this day I am not exactly sure why I chose to start with exercise and particularly running something as extreme as a marathon. Part of me needed to reach for something so huge, so seemingly beyond my capability that it really was a race against myself, to prove to myself that if I can run a marathon than I can take this far more challenging and difficult race of getting well,
By the grace of God a little over a year later I ran my marathon! It truly was by the grace of God because there was a time in my training that I was going to quit, it was too hard for me. That is when I brought in the spiritual and, being a Catholic, that came in the form of the rosary (sometimes 5 or 6 of them if the run was very long!). By meditating while exercising I was able to create a space of peace in my head beyond the physical discomforts I was feeling. it was a space that i could think, something I was struggling to do because of my fears and anxieties. It was a space where I could go beyond my mental illness and start to feel human again because I was mastering discipline with my body and making it do something amazing. A space where I could offer up my current discomforts for someone going through a difficult time. It brought these two elements, the physical and the spiritual, into a relationship with each other working towards the goal of total health!
Fast forward nearly ten years later, my journey, while definitely a bit of a roller coaster, finds me in a much better place thanks to the lesson of combining the physical with the spiritual. I am able to see difficulties in my life as opportunities to grow or to sacrifice for others. I can be fully present with family and friends and enjoy quiet time alone without let depression and anxiety consume me. And for the times when things are difficult (because let’s face it even the happiest and healthiest of us have bad day or even weeks, it is part of the human condition) I turn to the lessons I learned in therapy, I review how my diet has been, I lean more into my supplements and vitamins and I turn to the moments of movement and mindfulness, of prayer and breathing.
Whatever form your mindfulness takes, do it with great intention and combine it with some form of physical activity. Go for a hike and meditate or pray at the the summit. Hit your crossfit session hard and think about someone you know who is suffering and dedicate it to that person. Do some form of stretching, strengthening and/or breathing exercises and really concentrate on calming your mind. I wish you all the best in your journey to optimal mental health!
Claire Wilson an artist, outdoor enthusiast and promoter of mental health living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest! She hopes to help others see the importance of whole body (spiritual, mental and physical) health and how it can help one live their best life! You can find her on instagram at @onefingeroutofwater
