What a year. In so many ways, a time of testing, and of turning upside down so many things we held dear or took for granted.
At the same time, it’s been a year with a multitude of blessings: a chance for more calm, more space, more quiet, more time with loved ones, less stress and everyday bustle. We’ve had to really re-evaluate all our commitments and relationships, now with a new context of being safe and responsible regarding the virus, but also with an eye to the new, huge array of opportunities.
I am grateful that my family has experienced blessings in this year, and I’m keenly aware of how difficult this year has been for so many. Many families have lost income, had to relocate in the midst of the pandemic, have juggled competing work and childcare demands, and done it all in isolation from much needed help from family and friends.
In many ways, we were spared from the worst of the crisis. Our family was very lucky not to have our financial wellbeing threatened. We had no job loss or lack of economic opportunities, and we had safely settled into our new home in a great neighborhood just before the lockdown hit. By this time last year, our huge home renovation project was (miraculously) at a calm and reasonable pausing point.
But I also know that none of us were un-affected. The normalcy of going to playgrounds, seeing friends, going to restaurants, museums, and school, was all called into question. My family began to have a totally home-centered life, and while it suits us well and we really love it and thrive here in our home, it was still something that required a stripping of expectations, a surrender, a re-orienting of hearts and minds.
At the beginning of 2020, I choose three words for the year: Simplicity, Savoring, and Surrender.
Choosing words for each year is a practice I began a few years back. I tend to be a performance oriented person. I love my lists, my goals, my short-term and long-term planning. For me, choosing words or themes or virtues to define my year keeps me focused on the gentler, bigger picture of growth and the life I want to live, rather than putting too much emphasis on a list of goals or thresholds to measure my performance or my worth.
Choosing these themes and words has proven to be immensely helpful for me. I like to stick with three, both so that there can be some distinction and diversity between the concepts and also so the alliteration keeps them front of mind.
Clearly, the Holy Spirit had something in mind for me when He led me to simplicity, savoring, and surrender for 2020. Lessons that I’m still unpacking.
In early 2020. I savored our home even as we painted, cleaned, cleared out, and finished many of our spaces to be a place we truly love. I savored many moments with kids, unexpected time with the girls home from school, then a transition to homeschooling this fall. I savored our ability to shape and work hard to create meaning, balance, flow, and peace in days that were now, suddenly, so open-ended.
We savored watching spring turn to summer, watching our littles grow before our eyes, long golden days and evenings in our new garden, romping in the yard, swimming at our local lake, eating dinner outside. We savored all the time with dad during the time he was home with us (in lockdown). We savored regular walks, local hikes, moments in nature, and all things that were “safe” to do. We savored new neighborhood relationships and friendships that deepened during quarantine.
We embraced simplicity, of life and of schedule. Weekly trips to the grocery store were considered our outings. The focus was simple days, simple pleasures, simple moments with kids: sitting and reading to them, playing, cultivating of our home spaces, gardening & tending to our outdoor spaces, cooking, and doing dishes peacefully, after months of living in a constant state of upheaval and stretched between two homes in fall 2019. I saw my kids embrace simpler days and thrive without having to leave our home, neighborhood yards, or walkable town. Their contentment inspired me to dig deeper into simple joyful routines of my own.
Simplicity & embracing what’s essential…giving in to days that prioritize rest, nourishment, connection, and creativity….are beautiful seasons indeed. That’s what 2020 allowed for many of us. Stripping away the extra & superfluous led us deeper into the callings of our heart, our creative natures, allowed us to stretch, learn new things, care for our selves & families & homes in new intentional ways.
I surrendered (not always graciously) to the day-in-day-out demands of motherhood with four littles. The hard moments jumble right up next to the simple and beautiful ones, and it leaves me every evening falling into bed exhausted and knowing I gave my all.
I surrendered my expectations of what home life, work life, and school life would look like, when they all blurred together even more than before (and yet, beautifully, I saw how they informed, inspired, and lifted each other up). I also surrendered the pain and frustration of challenging relationships that were not working anymore, letting go of bitterness and letting our smaller, slower life show me that it was okay to forgive and move onward in peace.
I surrendered my hopes for a school year that would look like the previous ones had and embraced the beautiful mess (sometimes not beautiful, just messy) of homeschooling. I surrendered to a tough(er) first trimester with this baby, grateful that in those early weeks when I napped daily, was constantly nauseous, and rarely (never) made dinner, we had a dear cousin able to come stay with us to help. I surrendered yet again to allowing my work goals to shift and look different for the fall (and yet, somehow to feel more confident and passionate about what I doing than ever before as I watch so many of us step back to reconsider and redesign our lives). We started work on our unfinished basement, and surrendered (me, less than patiently) with the delays, setbacks, and challenges of doing renovation work during Covid-19.
As I look ahead to the spring, I am surrendering my expectations (me, the ultimate planner) to what life will look like with five. I know it will be different, will stretch us, and will be beautiful just as every stage of life has before it.
Surrender doesn’t come easily for me. But I’m immensely grateful for all the opportunities to watch a bigger, better plan unfold this year and to learn to expand my heart and mind, always.
These three themes helped guide, anchor, and motivate me during some of the challenges of the year. They helped me appreciate all the good moments…simple and savoring as they might be.
2020…the year we embraced HOME and fell deeply in love with ours. The year I transitioned from “I’ll never homeschool” to “we’re going to do this and give it our best shot,” and then fell in love with the pace of life it gives us. The year we relished each social gathering and strategically chose the friendships to invest in and allowed others to recede. The year when family became more central than ever.
I will never forget this year. I’m truly grateful for the lessons that I needed to learn. I hope to carry them with me as we step across the threshold of the new year and acknowledge just how much resilience and strength this year has required of us.
Congrats on making it to the end of 2020! You’re a different version of yourself, hopefully a version you’re proud of or surprised by. The odds are that you did some pretty extraordinary things this year, and it’s good to celebrate what you’ve endured and worked through. Here’s to building on all of this, and running into 2021, together!
Curious: What were your main lessons & takeaways from 2020?
Have you ever chosen themes or intentions for your new year?
Thanks for being part of my 2020. You’re a big part of the reason why I wake up every day inspired, hopeful, and ready to continue doing my small part to make this world better, brighter, kinder.
That elusive and desired state. Many of us don’t know how to achieve it, but we know when it’s happening, that those are the memorable moments of life that often put everything else into perspective. The other day, I was on an evening walk, by myself, gathering my thoughts and sanity after a long week. I stumbled upon a new trail, that I had never seen before. We all know the feeling–of excitement, when encountering & embarking on something new. It feels safe (there’s a trail)…but also a bit wild–we don’t know what’s around the corner or on the other side of the hill. I realized how important it us to have those kinds of experiences, especially now in this strange time, when we can often vacillate too strongly to the extremes of anxiety (lack of control), to boredom (lack of interest)…Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi talks about this in his book FLOW…that the flow state falls in between the 2, like this chart shows.
FLOW moments are an interesting balance between challenge & ease, anxiety & boredom, stretching us, at the same time as allowing us to feel at peace, capable, and with the skills needed to tackle what’s ahead–even as we know we’ll have to learn new skills.
Learning how to lean towards & create the flow state more often, can literally change our lives and our contributions.
Artists experience flow when working on their art, fully engrossed in it (forgetting to eat or sleep). Cooks can experience it, if cooking is a creative outlet for them (it is for me!). And athletes often experience it, in their enjoyment of their sport.
I have a few modules in my life design course on these topics, and one of my goals for those taking the course is to experience more flow in their daily life, since they’ve honed the tools and the mindset & understand how to harness their intentions, energy, mindset, and thus make it possible to experience FLOW more often. What would that look like for you?
If you’re ready for a life of more FLOW, more contentment, more fulfillment in your everyday, and more tools to be able to achieve a flow state often, join us for life design, spring edition. It’s time to write your own life design story.
Want to be kept in the loop when the life design course is re-opening? (Fall 2020?) Just jump into our community here.
This time of coronavirus pandemic has meant that life has changed, overnight. Many of us are still unpacking what it all means, and working from the ground up to build new rhythms for our days. Suddenly, many of us are homeschooling our children (in the midst of our work and other obligations) and while it’s an abrupt shift, and has been challenging for many of us, I firmly believe that we will look back at this season, and see alot of good in it.
My own childhood history is that of homeschooling, for all of elementary and even for highschool. It was a blessing that I know shaped who I am tremendously, and while I know full well the inherent challenges of it, I have also been a first-hand beneficiary & recipient of so much of the best parts about homeschooling–the freedom, independence, forced habits of personal discipline and motivation, and the reminder that at the end of the day, we are all responsible for our own education. Learning seeds of this (in the right nurtured environment) early on, can shape the trajectory of a beautiful educational experience of a lifetime.
It’s one of those things that can look messy in real-time, in the process, but stepping back just a bit, it’s a beautiful thing. We all need to give ourselves grace and remember that our kids see us, doing our best, adjusting at a steep curve and learning alongside them all (those of us who haven’t been homeschooling)…and in the end, we’ll all look back and say–it wasn’t easy but we did it!
Love establishing our habit of prayer & journaling and learning about a virtue–combined with some read aloud as needed 😉
Here’s a few glimpses into our perfectly imperfect homeschooling life (of one full week), and a few thoughts & tips/tools that I hope may make it just a tiny bit easier and less stressful for you.
*Keeping our mindset on the bigger picture enables us to stay positive throughout–focusing on what we can accomplish each day with all the time we now have at home. I have to remain flexible while firm about a certain list of things getting done, but the order in which they happen may shift, and working on building habits of responsibility and self-direction/motivation in the kids as a top priority. We’re doing a combo of online & book learning, as many of you are, so it ends up being like “station rotation” at our house (like the girls were used to from school): 30 min with me at the dining table, working on specific worksheets/assignments, then a small break for a chore or quick play in the yard, or 30 minutes of free reading, they can sneak off to a comfy spot in the house (quiet and away from little brothers)…before coming back for a 30 minute session in their google classroom in the office, or playing math games on this fun site called www.abcya.com (believe me, it makes me very happy to see how much joy they get out of “fraction monsters”–the bigger fraction eating the smaller one–and it’s entertaining 3 of them (oldest sis gets a mini audience for part of it).
Their simple joy about choosing and planting seeds is contagious. Daily #actsofhope during this time.
*Keeping things light and positive is definitely the name of the game to keep my own stress levels down, and to keep us powering through our day. I’ve chosen to offer rotating “specials” classes, just like they had at school. They get a kick out of this–with science class being planting seeds last week (an ultimate #actofhope in these dark times–that better, brighter days are coming)…and art class, cooking class and PE were we’ll be learning more about certain sports. Having it feel novel and fun (with short segments of focus) is what’s working for us.
Field studies at a local park: nature walk & beach/stream play.
*Here’s a great checklist that has basically taken all the stress out of having to keep them reminded of what they need to do. I detail out all the things we need to have them do in a given day, and establish a simple reward for each week (it’s been a new craft), and they eagerly refer to them often and remind me of what needs to get done. This takes the fighting out of any particular moment when I ask them to do it–I just refer to the chart. And vice versa, I don’t have to control too tightly the order in which things happen: I let them dictate that, so long as it all gets done over the course of the day. It’s really been a life saver and I even established a small checklist for myself to ensure I hit my own daily self-care and personal goals along with the work and family commitments we all feel. With so many big things out of our control, it’s so nice to feel that this one thing–our rhythm, our daily work and commitments, can be checked off a list and represents a day intentionally lived.
*Talk about it all. I have been checking in with them frequently to see how they are feeling about things–if they feel they are getting enough support, if assignments feel easy, hard, at the end of each day how they feel it went–their “highs and lows” (we love this great book to make it a family dinner affair) and of course, talking in general terms about how we’re all handling this crisis. This is an important moment, these little beautiful people are processing a huge life change alongside us, and I want to honor and respect that. For one of mine, it’s also meant some face-timing with her classmates to fill the social hole she feels missing. We all have to take the approach that we’re figuring this out one day at a time, and I think involving the kids in that, so they know they are agents of their new life, is hugely helpful.
I have to admit: when we designed this space a few months back, I thought to myself it would be perfect for homeschool moments…
*Tidying breaks. This is a major lesson learned–if we let the normal messes of schooling build up, it gets to my peace. I love a mid-morning and lunch time quick tidy that everyone can be involved in; and more than ever this is when our spaces need to be well organized with easy access to materials, and a beautiful, calm and productive environment for them to learn. Grateful that we’re able to tailor our new spaces and just test out how things flow best regarding which classes or activities for schooling take place where. Just like in their classrooms, kids love it when we mix it up, and they also respond well to order.
*Regarding schedule–what works for us is some flexibility and grace (spoken as a mom of 4, with lots of moving parts and little needs from everyone)…I don’t sweat if we don’t get everything done before lunch; there are plenty of other moments in the day and afternoon, but I DO emphasize down-time/quiet time during Blaise’s nap–and I will often get my own work done then, or focus in with the older girls, and I make sure that we all MOVE every day—that hasn’t been too hard as they just run out the door any moment they get when it’s sunny. When it’s rainy, we’ll pull out the yoga mats and do some good ol’ mindful movement. Walking/riding bikes in the neighborhood helps all of our moods, and I’ve tried to keep a steady flow of slightly new crafts/coloring pages, and art materials flowing in, so they are always eager to use. Again, we’re only 1 week in, but I know Michaels and other places are having fantastic online sales, and we can get alot of great stuff delivered that can help make this all as bright & fun as possible.
I know that at the end of each day, I want them to know that we learned together, we did our very best, and we were kind and positive to each other. That we listened well, and grew together. It’s challenging me in all the right ways, and stretching my momma heart (with so much pride, especially, for how resilient they can be) and I am very grateful for the hidden blessings and lessons of a challenging time.
I’m resurfacing and returning to blogging in this humble corner of the web, after a whirlwind fall 2019 into Jan 2020. We were doing a big renovation of an old home, and moved the family in right before Christmas. With this season of life, many things were put aside and the essentials came into clear focus. It helped to further frame some of my thoughts and experiences around healthy living, self-care, staying balanced even while being quite busy, and my mantra “radical self care for radical service” which I developed in the midst of trying to keep my sense of self, my achievements and balance in the midst of a busy season of motherhood. This phrase has resonated with many–we can sometimes struggle with feeling like self-care is actually selfish. And don’t get me wrong, it can be. Our cultural extremes of prioritizing expensive yoga weekends away in Costa Rica, massages, weekly manicures, and much more (gym memberships we hardly use) all justified by “self-care”. But in these busy seasons of life that we all experience, we can know all too well that without proper healthy habits, we can burn-out, or start being miserable, losing connection with the joy of the everyday, and our bigger purpose. I already faced that exact challenge (9 years ago, as a new mom, and pushing myself in a demanding career/work environment…it all fell apart, and took months of self-exploration to discover where things went wrong with my inability to have healthy boundaries and personal habits for effectiveness) That’s what led me to where I am now…a health & mindset coach. Sometimes our biggest challenges turn into our biggest blessings.
So for me, especially last year–when life demanded much of me, in the form of 4 small children (a brand new babe), running a business, launching new offerings, and renovating a home and moving the family–it became even more crystal clear to me–in the moments when life demands much of us; we need to work hard to BE at our best, so we can rise to the occasion.
And sometimes, those habits have to be streamlined to fit into the smallest margins of the day–not less important, just less time given to them.
In an era where we are increasingly sitting, often at desks, or hunched over a glowing screen, I believe that daily mindful/functional movement, and time outside, as well as consciously unplugged, away from our phones, is a crucial form of self-care, as well as a means to preserve our sanity and our mental and physical health. I am a big proponent (need to go back to this habit) of unplugged weekends, and mini 7 day screen detoxes…to keep ourselves free from the unhealthy patterns and behaviors related to it. We all know we need that space to be our most creative, alive, thoughtful, and focused.
I didn’t do a single gym workout btwn Sept-Dec, but I did manage to squeeze in regular walks with the boys–from our new home site, to local Church, and walking naps for them. Regular walks are so good for my mental health as well. I didn’t spend alot of time developing new recipes, or all those things my health coach self normally loves to do, but I (we) did eat well, to fuel ourselves for a busy season, and meal planned/prepped, batch cooked so that we wouldn’t get swallowed up by eating on a crazy schedule. We also learned to not sweat the small stuff as much, to give things up temporarily, knowing that things would re-balance and come into a new, better normal in our new lifestyle. Sometimes that perspective and mindset shift is all we need, and the most important thing to let go of is…expectations, and guilt!
I’ve spent 2 years resetting my own mindset to be around “intuitive eating” vs a restrictive/obsessive focus on “clean” eating. With so many ways of eating “healthy” out there, it can truly begin to take too much of our mental space. Clean eating is a means to an end, not an end in itself. During our busy project, we ate our fair share of meals grabbed on the go, take out (not Mcdonalds of course) etc while wrapped up with the home–BUT, having the baseline of self-care, resilience habits and tools built in, it meant that I didn’t go into overboard burn-out mode, like the me of a few years ago might have. I knew the demanding days required a strong balancing act, so I focused in on those few (simple, quick, affordable) self-care habits that work well for me. When you zero in on what those are, then you don’t have to worry as much about what the busy seasons of life will do. You know, that at your core, your priorities, values and habits can remain the same. And that you’ll be able to take in new things, and adjust/shift/offload (I said NO to quite a few normal commitments), and then re-evaluate and continue on as life evolves.
This was the opportunity to test all of what I’d been experimenting with, and I found that the exploration I had into mindful movement, intuitive eating and a “less is more” mentality regarding focus on exercise and health (yes, this coming from a coach!) served me VERY well in a season when absolutely every day, I needed to be functioning at my best. And don’t get me wrong, when you have a little one under 1, sleep is often the sacrificed element, and that can be hard, and wear on us, but we can also be strategic about the habits of REST that we build into each day.
Needless to say, at the start of this new decade, I’m completely in awe of the experiences of the past years, the lessons learned and where they’ve lead me. I hope to share bits of it, in case any of it is valuable. I know alll too well the familiar burn-out that is sadly quite common in our go-go-go culture. It can sneak in to our life without us realizing it, and it can steal our daily and deep joy.
I encourage you to consider–what are the daily tools and habits that are most important to you, to be at your best? What are the areas you’ve been ignoring or need to give attention to for a more balanced life? It might even be habits related to mental and emotional health, which cannot be neglected, just like our nutrition can’t be ignored without consequences…
It’s good to step out of the cliches of self-care, and do a deep personal examination. For one person–the loud cross fit gym is the perfect place to discipline themselves and build health, for another person, it’s quiet hikes in nature, alone. For one of us, it might be regular pedicures, and for another person, it might be more crucial for self-care to get time in prayer, or visiting with dear friends, or for a mom, to stroll through the grocery store alone can be the ultimate perspective/life giving habit…it’s all about being deeply AWARE of where you’re energized, where you’re drained, what habits will be a part of building you towards your larger, more long-term goals and desires. We explore all of this in my life design course, and it’s powerful, crucial stuff.
As I’m reminded by my dear husband, it isn’t good to idolize health, or to prioritize focusing on it, over other goods. BUT, it’s also true that a baseline of health–physical, mental, emotional, is crucial and needed for any service and good we hope to do in the world, in our families and communities. Otherwise we’ll end up causing more harm than good to ourselves and our endeavors, without a proper perspective and balance. Radical self-care for radical service is my choice, and how I want to live and model for my children to live.
What about YOU? How are your habits in this new decade, reflecting the sense of what you believe you’re called to accomplish in the coming months and years?!
And, just to get you started, here’s a few of my favorite weekly/daily self-care moments that help me. You’re going to create your own…just don’t be afraid to experiment and fight hard to make them part of your reality!
*Daily journaling/reading/praying in the am
*Pom Energy tea and chia seeds (I don’t drink caffeinated coffee, just tea or decaf)–this is my “secret energy drink” especially when mixed with the natural electrolytes.
*Daily vitalizer strip–my baseline of powerful nutrition that gives me fantastic energy & helps with sleep, digestion, and much more.
*Walks, several times per week, 1-3 miles, usually with kiddos. Time outdoors is soo important for our mental and physical health, even in the winter months.
*Easy salad mixes or shakes with collagen for lunch–making sure I don’t skip that meal.
*Healthy snacks in home and car, so I can reach for them quickly (trail mix, bars, etc).
*Once a week, out of the house, with no kids–time to breathe, read, think, maybe work a little, or just re-calibrate.
(If you don’t have kids, it might just be helpful, setting aside time each week to give yourself permission to explore new hobbies or interests, away from the pressures of your to-do list or job.)
*Stretching & simple yoga sequences, just reminders to reconnect with my body, breathing. Feeling where things feel stuck, releasing. Being grounded & grateful for the gift of a healthy body.
*Evening rituals: gratitude journal, epsom salt baths, cal mag supps, sometimes reading, bullet proof hot cocoa for good, restful sleep.
I can’t wait to hear what daily habits you’re creating in this new decade, to power you towards new dreams and goals!
I had the honor of speaking at this beautiful event earlier this month. It was a privilege and I was thrilled to speak about a topic that is so near to my heart, and which I’m currently living–namely, finding balance & thriving in postpartum, and bringing awareness to the many challenges faced during this beautiful, fragile and absolutely life-changing season. Of course we focus on the milestones of a babies first months, but we must similiarly acknowledge and celebrate/support a mother in all her milestones of postpartum, and what she’s experiencing. I have seen all too often that women “suffer through” these tiring months without support, balance, joy or healthy habits that make them at their best. And as a culture and society, sadly PPD and PPA instances are on the rise, as we pressure women to get “back” to their perfect body, their normal levels of activities, and to rush back into work away from baby. Basically–to ignore the special needs, pace and blessings of this phase of life. Let’s change all of this. We’re flipping the script on postpartum life, I know as a community and society, that it’s important and possible.
*So, if you were there, you’ll know that this is NOT the speech I actually gave word for word—I always find in the moment that speaking from my heart rather than reading is the way to go, but since I prepped these notes, I wanted to share, and get your reactions to them. I know it takes a village and we’re all finding ways to voice just what we, our friends, and the mothers around us, truly need in postpartum. All of our experiences and stories deeply matter. The world needs to hear and be shaped by them*
Blaise made his stage debut with me, it meant so much that I could have him there as part of my presentation–the very representation of what I’ve become so passionate about advocating for and modeling; mothers can be mothers AND make an intentional impact, it’s not an either/or. It’s time for society to recognize and embrace these new models for work & mothering.A captive audience…Beautiful and inspiring friends whose own paths and work (and friendship) brought us together; they are wonderful advocates for healthy motherhood, prevention, and a focus on the whole person. I’m always and continually inspired by courageous women–mothers and now grandmothers–who have forged the path of courage and authentic truth-telling. Their legacy is where we pick up, and their important work is echoed in all that we undertake. Barb is a true hero of mine in women making a huge impact through their work and business ownership, nutritional counseling–it was an honor to precede her on stage.Indeed we are.
Talk given at the Woman to Woman event, Saturday, May 18, 2019
Tomorrow Starts Today…with how we flip the script on thriving motherhood in postpartum
Good morning, my name is Madeleine Pidel, I’m a wife and mother of 4. I am also a health and business coach, and my postpartum experiences have completely transformed my outlook on life, my own career, and the trajectory of my life and our family. I want to share some reflections about why I believe that we can flip the script on mothers thriving in motherhood (which begins in the fragile days of postpartum), and thus create a better tomorrow, today.
I will start with my experiences in postpartum, and draw out some important conclusions based on stories that many of you here may be able to relate to, or know someone in your life who’s going through this.
With my first daughter, born 9 years ago this summer, I was working hard at a job I loved in NYC, when all of a sudden, it was time for her to be born, and maternity leave started…
…After a challenging (and beautiful) natural birth experience, I found myself completely overwhelmed, exhausted, life upside-down, no way of knowing how to care for this little human in my arms, or myself. I remember some days I didn’t get dressed, didn’t leave the couch, but I had a super supportive husband, and community of first time moms, so it wasn’t too lonely or tough (comparatively). But I definitely struggled with my identity, my feelings of self-worth (when I was focusing all my time on a baby, which didn’t feel “productive” to my career driven self). I had tinges of postpartum depression, and by 8 weeks, was actually relieved to have found an amazing nanny and to be going back to work part time–my brain needed it, and I needed a reason to get dressed and feel like a normal human. Of course, once I was balancing part-time (almost full-time) work and a child, I was getting frayed thinner than ever before. This is the reality for so many women. And rather than asking for more help, I just pushed harder and began to experience burnout when I was around 1 year postpartum. I had a health crisis, was very nutritionally depleted, no extra energy to workout or “care for myself” which I had decided was “selfish” at this point. It was my own crisis and wake up call I needed. I was fired from the job that was draining me, and I was given the gift of time to focus on being “just mom” while looking for another job.
At this point, my friend Melinda reached out to me and supported me, and shared this opportunity of business ownership that she was just discovering as a new mom like me. I was given a ray of hope to create a beautiful future for our family, and to dream again, all in an instant. What a gift to give a mother—to believe she can be truly present to her babies and kids as they grow, while being fully ambitious and pursuing beautiful things that matter to her too. It’s our lean-out, best of both worlds reality, that I feel so privileged to live, and to share.
This time, I had a strong sense that while my baby (turned toddler) could thrive without me around, I needed to be more a part of her life, and I was inspired to prepare to leave my desk job life. So in preparing to conceive and give birth to my 2nd child, I started my own business with this amazing tribe of women you see all around you, and I choose to work in finance in an environment with better work-life balance, and I knew I would be saying goodbye to office life after my 2nd was born, so my husband and I did everything we could to prepare financially for this transition. I had these incredible nutritional tools that are being shared (with my 2nd pregnancy) and felt amazing (no GD, worked out until 37 weeks), and my birth to a 9lb 11 oz baby girl was a beautiful experience, and my recovery was swift, I felt amazing just days after birth. I went on the road and traveled when she was 3 weeks old; to our global conference and our families. Balancing postpartum with a toddler was challenging but I wisely put myself into situations (the homes of my aunt, my mom, my mother in law) where I could rest and be cared for in those early weeks. But when I was preparing to go back to work at 8 weeks (to finish up a project then give my notice), the familiar deep dread set in. It’s just against everything in our hormonal and natural makeup to leave our babies so young and be sitting in an office, often doing work we could do remotely. Pumping and bottle prep takes women sometimes up to an hour each day/evening, and it’s just draining. My child didn’t take a bottle well at all, so I was going home on lunch breaks to feed her, then rushing back to work, pump, work some more, all knowing that things would shift soon enough. When she was 3.5 months old (and I’d been working for 6 weeks to complete an audit project)–I brought her in, in a carrier, and gave my notice to my boss, one of the moments I’ll always remember. I focused on my littles and worked on growing my at home business. The challenges of self-care, and balance remain, but with the empowering community of business owners, no one judges you for bringing babies to meetings, to conferences, and I felt so empowered and grateful. I had mom friends commenting to me–“you’re so lucky you get to have time with your babies and still use your brain”, and this beautiful reality drove me to share this gift with many other mommas. The work-life balance we desire, and which our babies need from us in their first years of life, is possible with some creativity and grit.
I LOVE seeing the women of my generation–from all walks of life and careers, rise up and take a stand for better balance in their work, in the baby’s first year and beyond. We’re continuing to show that we’re more valuable in our careers of choice BECAUSE of being mothers, not in spite of it. And with enough women doing just this important balance, the general culture can shift towards being more understanding of flexible working, a win-win situation.
I have now had 2 other postpartum experiences, as a business owner, and it’s incredible beautiful and freeing. I have had to learn to be better about asking for help, outsourcing everything except the most precious roles that only a mother can fill, and learning “radical self-care for radical service” which is my tagline for mommas. It’s not selfish to make sure our bodies, hearts and minds are working at their best to care for and raise these humans. It’s essential. And we need to rise up and create a stronger culture of care and support, enlisting folks who truly understand what is happening (and needed) in postpartum to provide that for mommas.
Of course, dropping off meals and baby clothes is a kind gesture, and appreciated, but even more appreciated or needed is taking the other kids away for an hour so mom can nap, or, when she’s ready, coming over to provide company to the new mother, or just hold the babe while she gets a moment to herself.
Additionally, all the nutritional and hormone balancing tools we offer are a crucial part of the puzzle for me. I use the foundational nutrition tools that the women in this room all use and rave about–I don’t know about you, but I want to age with grace, and alot of energy. I’m healthier now in my mid 30s, after 4 kids, than I was in my mid 20s, and I know it’s thanks to these daily vitalizer and daily shake. I literally can’t imagine going a day without them.
I’ve had 3 incredibly healthy pregnancies, with perfect health markers, high energy, the ability to workout, and this sets up for a smoother postpartum experience–less “baby weight” to lose, more energy, easier time transitioning into postpartum fitness habits, and of course it takes discipline and a strong WHY, but this is something all new moms crave and need more of, to be uplifted and reminded that they too, are allowed to thrive. Even the age old “sleepless exhausted” momma of a newborn doesn’t have to be that way. I had 1 baby (before Shaklee) who was the classic collicky, gassy, fussy, not a good sleeper, and I have since had 3 larger (healthy birth weight) Shaklee babies who sleep well for me from day 1, and not only that, we have tools like the cal mag and the pm recover to ensure mommas get the most out of their crucial rest.
With my 3rd postpartum, even though I was very healthy and had a good recovery, I began to experience some signs of adrenal fatigue and PPA, which is less diagnosed, understood or talked about. For me it looked like being super busy, keeping my super mom cape on too much, and getting frayed/fried around the edges. Getting exhausted easily, snappy at my kids (too easily anxious or angry) and I had to work to reset my nervous system, with tools like the stress relief complex, B’s, valuing sleep more, and I also discovered the incredible healing art of reflexology, and regular massage, etc, to support my body and give it extra doses of self-care, for all that I was expecting of it. This is when I embraced the concept of “radical self-care for radical service”–when we know WHY we want to be at our best, and who we’re doing it for (in addition to ourselves) it rises from the level of “extra” to essential.
This time around, in my 4th postpartum with Blaise, I wanted it to be as peaceful and restful as possible, and I called on my mom and family/sisters to come and stay with me for the first full month. I cooked very few meals, did almost no driving or caring for the kids, and this allowed me to have my best, fastest recovery, which amazed my midwives, considering it’s my 4th. I used Every Mother throughout the pregnancy and in the weeks following to prevent any additional separation and to continue healing my DR–which is a huge challenge for many moms, and I know SO many folks who’ve seen huge improvements in their back pain, posture, core strength and more.
I also did the extra resting/focus on support in those first weeks to balance my mood and ensure I didn’t develop early triggers for adrenal fatigue. It’s about giving mom permission (and value) to deeply REST, and in doing the very important work that she and baby are doing. We need communities and a society that support this understanding of postpartum, and as I look around this room, I can see that all of you are inspired by, and working towards, and can commit with me towards that.
I’ve become so much more aware of what my body needs in postpartum, with the phrases “intuitive eating” and “mindful movement” shaping much of my daily habits, and I’m so grateful for the incredible set of nutritional tools at our disposal. I’ve gone on to run a half marathon at 6 months postpartum with my 3rd, and things that would have been unthinkable to that original sleep and energy deprived me of 9 years ago. The GLA complex helps with balancing hormones and I take it whenever I’m feeling my mood is out of whack, along with lots of healthy (mindful movement, walking, stretching), socializing with those who lift me up, and epsom salts are hugely healing for postpartum nerves, afalfa for breastfeeding, vivix for reducing inflammation and of course, healthy digestion with optiflora DI. I eat a hormone balancing diet and have learned so much about the nutrition of postpartum not only through coaching other women through it from all walks of life, and living it myself deeply, but also through this wonderful resource called “the first 40 days” (A perfect book to give to someone you know who’s expecting a babe) (linked below). It’s about committing to a self care routine and knowing you’re doing it for you, and for baby. Doing things that bring us joy each day are crucial–it can be as simple as reading a book you enjoy while baby naps on you in the mornings with your favorite tea, laying out on a blanket in the sun in our yards while babe is napping, or grabbing a coffee at your favorite local spot, and sitting in a park (getting OUT with babe for our best mental health)…these things build up our level of joy and gratitude during this season which is also so ultimately demanding of us. The balancing act is challenging, but so beautiful when each mom finds her postpartum groove.
These babies are our future, and caring well for their mommas in those crucial, vulnerable, fragile first weeks & months (which are also the most beautiful), is our gift to the future of our world.
Action item: Can we all reach out to a new mom in our life today; let her know she’s valued, loved and supported? Share with her that postpartum can be a thriving, energized and truly happy and wonderful experience, and that want to be there for her, to support her in experiencing just that, with your presence, deep caring, and all the tools and ideas mentioned here.
I want to share a series of mini reflections on postpartum life–or, what’s really going on behind all those cute baby milestone photos we love to smile at. Sometimes it’s hard to peel back the layers–to let others in to this truly intense, often emotional, exhausting, time–it can feel that we’re in the eye of a hurricane–quiet but with huge forces of change all around us.
The reality of postpartum is that of a truly transforming existence for mother and child; as they learn to be apart (after the womb life), and learn to be together, in new ways, and in the world. Each week is unique and oh-so-meaningful, and I know, for myself, I want to remember all of it.
I truly believe that postpartum is a time when both baby and momma are meant to thrive. This has been my mission in coaching many women over the past years, and having this focus myself has helped me tremendously in the past years when #postpartumlife was my ever-present reality.
I’m immensely grateful for my tribe of mommas over in the FB postpartum community; they have been incredible in this phase, and I know if you’re not in there already, you’ll be very welcome indeed–whether you’re about to have a baby, or had a baby 6 years ago…
I’m finally ready to write and process some of the beautiful incredible things that made up the first weeks of postpartum life with Blaise. I know this will be part one of a series, because postpartum life is far from over–but there’s something so incredible, so special about the first 40 days, or 6 weeks, when momma is resting and healing and taking time to focus on bonding with babe…and then, the several weeks following that which are a process of unpacking and beginning to take strides to a new normal–new daily rhythms that work well for all–we’re perhaps just now beginning to find these.
Knowing (as this is my 4th) that this phase is both beautiful, intense and oh-so-short…but that postpartum life is more of a marathon not a sprint I wanted to honor and deeply dive into the first 40 days, soaking it all up with intention rather than having it pass like a blur.
*To the first time momma: it’s impossible to have perspective. I remember so clearly wondering: will I ever sleep again? Will my body ever feel normal again? Will this little human being ever stop needing me so much? The answer to all of these is yes, but in the midst of it all you struggle to feel that anything is as it should be*
NOW, knowing what I know, I decided to just truly bask in the first few weeks, to document everything (sooo many pics of the 4th child, he can’t hold that over us)…and to be still, to be offline much of the time, when I needed a mental break, to be quiet with these changes, to watch my family accept and welcome this new life, and to let the big ripples of this major life change, turn into smaller and smaller ripples as everyone breathes and leans into it, and grows. There is plenty of time to start exercising, to be “productive”, to do errands with baby (spoiled me, I didn’t set foot in a grocery store for 6 weeks around Blaise’ birth), and to look the part. (Yes, I do love new clothes in postpartum, but not because there’s a certain goal size waistline or pressure to bounce back).
There’s no going “back” We’re only going forward to new, better levels of ourselves.
Mother fills a distinct role during this time. She needs to be supported to focus on that; her own healing and re-balancing/recovery as a primary need, and with this, the ability to nourish her child as she nourishes and strengthens herself. Anyone who’s been through it can tell you the deep vulnerability and fragility that is felt, and why it’s crucial that she has a strong and supportive community around her, so she can keep her nervous system at peace.
The realization that postpartum life needs to be paced (and this is just my first post in a series, because there are many distinct phases & topics of postpartum)…is something that’s come to me over the years, and helped inspire a group of us to come together to take back conversations about postpartum life, just how different moms’ needs, goals and habits should be during that period, and to honor it as a time to thrive. This requires a tremendous family and community support to do well–mom must be allowed to re-focus her precious energies without guilt.
A short (mini) birth story
Yes, all postpartum experiences begin with the birth. This wasn’t meant to be the focus of this post/series, but I will share a bit about this beautiful birth experience we had with Blaise.
We waited 10 long days from Blaise’ due date to when he was ready to arrive. My patience grows thin during those times, and it becomes harder to care for the kids and do everything as my body preps for birth. I’m no stranger to post-date babies, but this time, with my hypno-birthing meditations each night, I was able to get perspective and embrace/welcome the natural process of things even as my overly planning/impatient mind couldn’t compute it all sometimes. I called on all the help for school pickups, etc, and rested alot, nested more, and stayed in during some of the coldest days of the winter.
The midwives finally did encourage me (when I was mentally done–and spent the morning both crying/swaying on the birthing ball, and bouncing on my kids trampoline!) that it was time to try castor oil. We did that on a thursday morning (Jan 24th) and my husband stayed home from work, and we arranged to go to the hospital by that evening, no matter where things were, because we knew we didn’t want it dragging on. The castor oil was a totally positive experience for me, not at all icky or hard to manage (I snacked alot and drank tons of hydrate/elecytrolytes)…the contractions were consistent all day, not picking up in pace, but remaining, and when we left the kids peacefully and went in to the hospital and met the midwives and team, I was 3cm along, and contracting well but they were ready to get me into a better pattern and prepare to break my water. I was given a little bit of Pit, and then once my water broke, things progressed quickly. I used my hypnobirthing meditations and then went into the tub to labor once a few contractions felt stronger than I was managing well. Once in the tub, I was only there 5 minutes before I told Joel–I need to get out and push. This was 1.5 hours into my active labor. He was used to two over 24 hour labors (Corinne and Ambrose) so he was seriously skeptical, and tried to convince me to stay in the tub just a bit longer, but somehow husbands wisely know not to argue with their laboring wife…sure enough, I was on the table and pushed Blaise out in 3 pushes, before they had time to even finish wheeling in all the materials, and the midwives laughed at me as I held my 9lb 7oz babe with the biggest grin on my face. He spent so little time in the birth canal and I felt AMAZING as soon as he was out. Such a dream labor and delivery–beyond anything I could have hoped for (though I had been visualizing my perfect birth for weeks, so maybe it’s not a coincidence).
Last pregnant picture–this is it!
Born right after 2am January 25th, our little perfect chunky gift of a baby, to start out 2019 with a bang.
I LOVE the hospital for their “baby friendly” policies and he didn’t leave my room once as we recovered. I had the kids visit and then was ready to go home with my parents who drove up the following day. Getting away from it all and being in a different (short) bubble helps me focus in on the important bonding and early postpartum moments, before life, home and kids come rushing at me. Grateful for the right place to make that transition, and wonderful, wise caregivers.
We loved introducing him to the siblings. He was an immediate hit, and slept through all their pokes, snuggles and “kisses”–for weeks, literally 😉
Intentional & restful postpartum
As I talked about before his birth, I had found myself rushing through the other postpartums with the other kids–if I felt great physically, I would push myself too early, take on too much (or travel alot, etc) and end up frazzled and mentally fried. Even if my body could handle it, it was taking a toll on my nervous system, and felt like more of a blur.
This time around, I RESTED. So much. Way more than is normal for me. I don’t consider myself a very restful person 😉 And it was good.
I napped every day for the first 4 weeks–during the first 2, it was hugely important and I craved that break; my mom would drive Ambrose to pick up the girls from school and I would curl up with Blaise and get at least an hour of lying flat rest. The rest of the time I was totally curled up on the couch with meals being brought to me, teas, broths, I literally didn’t cook a single meal or unload my dishwasher for the first 2 weeks. SO so grateful for my mom stepping in and doing everything. The kids loved it, Joel and I even got out on some date nights when my parents were around the first few weekends, and life felt so different and hugely calm, and like a little bubble of love surrounding us, and it was just perfect. The cold evenings we all hung out by our fire, and took turns cuddling this chub. I had imagined it would be fun to hibernate with a baby, and it has suited me so well (ie, needing a major excuse to stay in and enjoy it, rather than itching to get out, and being stir crazy in winter).
I had a no visitor policy for the first 2 weeks (anyone I would have to get dressed to welcome;)). This was challenging only in a few moments with folks wanting to come by, but they did understand, and it gave me permission to focus entirely on babe, nourishing and resting. I’m an extrovert and love hosting, but I like to have things tidy and at a certain level, so this way, the focus was entirely on my own kiddos and those directly supporting. Having family around to socialize with was wonderful—I could chat as long as I had energy, and hide upstairs when I was done (and know that the kids were in the best of hands).
I will look back on and treasure those moments for a long time—I could feel my body recovering well each day, and while I often am high energy and motivated to do things by day 4-5 postpartum, it’s not that wise for me (and I would regret it) so this time I just did less than I thought I could, and was able to get my sleep into good patterns, my hormones and stress levels were balancing, I held baby all the time, whenever I wanted to, and I didn’t experience any deep exhaustion that way; it made it all more balanced and joyful. I didn’t do anything around the house or much kid management at all–since Joel and my mom were both eager to help with that. I did fold some laundry but that’s because I enjoy doing it and insisted 😉 My mom staying here was a huge gift, and having others doing driving of the kids to and from school, etc, made my restful routines at home possible.
As anyone who’s met him will tell you, Blaise is just a chill, fun kid. He’s the dream baby (that I’ve earned:)) who sleeps like a king…and his little lazy self, just drifting into naps whenever he felt like it–on me or anyone holding him, has been inspiring me in a big way, to take my commitment to sleep/napping more seriously. We could all use a little more lazy Blaisey in our life, right?
Postpartum as a time of transformation
I really embraced this experience of postpartum as a cocoon metaphor; we were in an intense and brief period of transformation, and to do so well, we needed to be away from it all//resting//welcoming support in all forms, and really just being quiet and present to the transformation. I journaled (as I always do) daily, and found that to be a hugely beneficial way to process all that I was experiencing and feeling—not always wanting to talk it out, but mothers always have things that need to be processed, and the right supportive helping team provides this for her too. This quiet/inner work went well with the natural hibernating patterns of Jan/Feb up here, and I knew that soon enough, right about when the warm weather came, we’d be ready for adventures, but to enjoy this brief moment fully–not rushing any bit of it.
When possible, I enjoyed moments of getting dressed and getting out—new moms need this too! Staying in pjs all the time is a recipe for losing sanity a bit ;)—but always followed it up with a nap, and we never tried any crazy outings without extra hands to wrangle the toddler–for the first 4 weeks, to make it enjoyable for all.
This level of rest & welcoming help was huge for me, and of course all my nutrition tools–which I’ve had for the past 2 recoveries which made them so good. You can’t underestimate the effects of post-natal depletion–it’s real, and it’s not good. Our bodies have given SO much to create and birth these human beings, and we have to give time and high quality nourishment and rest to re-balance and come out stronger on the other side. It’s possible, but it takes some serious effort and focus. Energized postpartum starts with a strong baseline for the mother, who’s both nourishing/re-balancing herself and giving alot through feeding her baby.
(to check out these tools for your personalized needs, start here—or message me for a quick health consult if you’re in postpartum).
Having been no stranger to some signs of adrenal fatigue in prior postpartums, I can tell you that it’s something that you can’t mess with–pushing to the edge of your physical or mental capacity. Both you and baby need you at your best, so take that extra time and care. That’s been our focus and why we set things up the way we did for this period of time, and especially since I was so clear that I wanted to come out of this postpartum mentally strong and able to exercise (I have a spring race in the calendar), and ready for some exciting things on the business front…so the more rest and rebuilding that I allowed myself in the first 40 days, the more I could be present and ready for the beautiful next phases as they came.
Some other tools in my toolkit for thriving postpartum:
*The Early reclaim program by every mother. It helped me resolve my diastisis in pregnancy and provided an amazing baseline for core recovery and gentle movement in the first 6 weeks.
*Reflexology; I’m a huge fan of Pippa and I had a session right at the end of my 40 day quiet period, to re-balance my nervous system, energy levels and hormones. Such a gift to find someone who truly knows how the body is meant to heal and re-balance itself. I highly recommend this for postpartum if you haven’t tried, and want an optimal recovery.
*Pelvic & core PT: this has become my go-to for staying active/being an athlete and having babies. Melissa is a wonder worker and I went to her at 3 weeks pp, and schedule to go every 3-4 weeks up through my first running races and getting fully back to a new, better level of fitness. Every mother needs this in their life after birth.
As you may know, I’m a huge fan of the book “The first 40 days, the art of nourishing the new mother“–it completely changed my perspective on postpartum life when I read it after Ambrose, and I embraced many of the healing foods of the book this time around, especially broths and all the focus on hormone-balancing foods and snacks, and they helped me so much.
My dream postpartum breakfast: steaming bone broth with a heaping helping of local ice-cream topped with local granola.Breakfasts cooked every day for me for weeks–a true gift, and so that I could focus on serving breakfast to Blaise:)
I also experienced it as a time of clarity about what mattered—-it’s humbling and beautiful to strip life down to the most essentials, not leaving the house, not cooking meals, barely moving from the couch, and reflecting on–what do I want to add back in to my life? Of course laundry and carpooling are non-negotiables (though outsourcing is wise and I’ll reflect more on that in future posts)…but I mean, beyond, what do we want life to look like? How can we create a new balance that includes this new human beautifully and well? I’m so grateful I was able to lean into these reflections and really consider it all without stress or apprehension. It was instead a perfect moment of “creating space”–the term I focus a lot on in coaching and in my new life design course–that of being willing to add blank space to our schedule—letting go of being busy and instead being free to welcome the memorable, surprising, beautiful elements of life that can sneak up on us when we make room in our planners & hearts.
My 3 words for the year of 2019: First is integration–focused on integrating well as a family of 6, and integrating new routines, etc with baby as a focal point. Another word is intention…and living with the highest level of purposefulness that we can. Life with an infant brings this into sharp focus. My 3rd word for 2019 is impact–and already we’ve shifted things to make this possible in new, smarter ways. Blaise is a huge part of the expanded vision and focus I have, and it’s so exciting to know that family goals can accompany our larger life vision. These weeks really allowed us to delve into these themes and make them real in so many ways.
Thank you for taking time to share in this beautiful, unforgettable chapter of life with us. All the lovely notes, gifts, meals brought, helping hands and beautiful reach-outs just made it all the more special as we enjoyed welcoming and falling in love with our new guy.
The series will continue with posts on topics like: postpartum fitness (lots to say there, as I’m smack in the midst of it all), postpartum and work, postpartum & mental health, and much more. If you have topics you’d like to see discussed–reach out and email me. It’s so important to me to emphasize the beautiful layers of postpartum, and to build a culture that helps moms and babies thrive during this time.
If you’re not on my email list yet–you can hop on at the top of the page to catch the rest of the series in the coming weeks.
Imagine you are waking on the last day of 2019. What would you like to tell yourself about 2019? What are you proud of yourself? And why? To achieve those goals what are things that you let go of?
Those are the basic questions that I ask my client when they ask me to help them set a goal for the year.
Are you ready to commit to 2019?
When I became a life coach, I learned lots of tips and strategies related to setting up goals, overcoming hurdles, and setting the right mindset that can support them in their personal and professional life. Those are great, so life can be so much easier and fuller. But as you can imagine, I learned the hard way it’s not enough with those tips and strategies to make your better life a reality. In order to be successful in your goals, you need to have a clear goal, right mindset, consistent action and to measure your effectiveness. And making sure your daily actions are aligned with your goal is the golden key for your success.
Every new year, many people set up great goals and are full of energy. I love this sensation and it’s very hopeful. And what happens after few months? Where do the energy and desires go? When we notice that our attempts at new things are challenging, then we often default to our normal routine and wait for another new year, expecting something different is going to happen.
In this article, I’d like to share some tips that keep you focused on habit building rather than just writing goals. When you build up daily actions towards a goal then you just might change your life.
I’ve been committed to my healthy lifestyle for a long time. Such as eating locally grown food, consuming less red meat, home cooking, walking if I can, riding a bicycle, and so on. But after I had two children, my health went downhill without me noticing. Eventually I wasn’t enjoying all the great things my little ones brought into my life. Finally, I woke up and decided to have a healthy lifestyle focused on exercise. I made a goal that I would do a push-up every day at least one a day, after I read a book ‘The power of habit’. It was very easy in the beginning and one month was not a problem. I increased more exercises as time went by. At one point, I decided to run 5K, 2 – 3 times a week. For 2 to 3 months was worked well. But then my knee started hurting, it impacted my daily life and I stopped exercising. I wanted to keep my exercise up but at the same time there was roadblock that made my momentum stop. I needed to navigate my deeper beliefs around health, and look at new habits.
After consideration, I realized my beliefs around exercise were “I am healthy, I walk a lot, so I don’t need to work out”. In fact, all those stories were not serving my health anymore. I reset myself with 4 phrases: “let go,” “let be,” “let it come,” and “let God.”
I let go of my old ideas that no longer support me, let be with my willingness to try and to accept that I don’t know that much about physical training, let it come with new method such as use Classpass to try new classes, find what I can commit to for long time and tell myself playful words even when I was discouraged, to keep at it, and let God– remembering the divine wants me to be healthy and happy.
Now I am committed to exercise 5 days a week. When I decided to commit to 5 days a week exercise, I doubted whether I could keep it. But I realized it is much easier (for me) than to do exercise once or twice a week. I don’t need to negotiate anymore with myself because it’s part of my routine. I can say my action became a habit, it feels so natural.
I’d like to share my habit building process. When you want to build a habit, in order to be successful, make sure that you give enough time, be generous to yourself and do one habit at a time. Understand that some will take shorter, some will take longer, to really master.
Habit building process
Choose one habit that you want to build.
● Recognize why do you need this habit or not.
● What does life like for you have that habit in daily life? (describe with as much detail as possible)
● Envision who you become when you have that habit?
● How do you feel when you have the habit?
Now, what step will you take to build the habit?
● How? By when? How do you know when you achieve it? (write in a journal about what did you do and how do you feel about it)
● When you miss a day or two, what would you like to tell yourself in order to back on the habit?
● How do you celebrate it?
To implement goals and habits you’ll need to rely on tools such as calendars & planners, alarms, self-discipline app (Such as Goal attracter, Weekdone, 7-minute workout, Sleep Cycle, Simple Habit, Tide, Classpass) and your social network/accountability from friends.
I hope you are newly inspired to have great goals and new habits for a great 2019. Every lifestyle and stage of life are unique. Most of all, you are the one who can create your best life. Allow yourself to be you. Remember that will invite more people and achievement in your life. I think positive habits is what makes you and your family grow. Feel safe to share your challenges with your family and friends, choose your diet to make you healthy and energized all day, your commitment to work that is meaningful. There are lots of positive habits that you can build by defining what is most important in your life + reflection (collect data about your actions) + implement in your daily life. My email signature is always followed by Love & Flow. I wish your life full of love and flow. Hope you can find great value in this article and I would love to hear your experience. Sending lots of love ~~~
Recommend books to read:
Martha Lasley. Courageous Visions – How to unleash passionate energy in your life and your organization.
Damon Zahariades. The 30-Day Productivity Plan – Volume 2: 30 more bad habits that are sabotaging your time management.
Charles Duhigg. The power of habit
ABOUT SALLEY LEE CHUNG, Life coach & momma
Salley is an adventurer, motivator, and innovative thinker. As certified professional coach and member of ICF, she supports students, professionals, and executives who are interested in navigating a multicultural world. She specializes in working with bicultural clients to improve work-life balance, develop cultural sensitivity, and grow their leadership. Her holistic approach helps clients to flow and take action that reflects their power, creativity and authenticity. She coaches in both Korean and English. She resides in Brooklyn with her husband and two little boys. Linkedin: Salley Lee
Perhaps you’ve heard of this concept of vision boards and it’s sounded cheesy and weird to you—like something for a high-school sleepover party (young girls picking out their dream weddings), or more recently, just an offshoot of a pinterest driven lifestyle.
But it can be so much more than that. It’s not just a visual wish list of home decor items, or a gallery wall of photos, but rather a visual map to your best life, usually one year at a time.
I’ve had so many folks ask me about these, and I wanted to share more of an in-depth look into what I do to create mine each January, as well as some of the overarching framework for approaching goals/plans and dreams for each coming year.
I know this practice of vision boarding has literally changed my life since I put it into practice 5 years ago. For some of you, this may be the year this practice catches your interest and you run with it to your best life.
We’re also doing a module/focus on it in my Life By Design course—be sure to get on my email list (up top) if you want some of the fun content and details I’ll be sharing about that in the coming weeks (yep, it’s already been prepped, before babe). Ideally this vision board practice is part of that larger 5 week lifestyle transformation that we’re undertaking, in a fun and easy to implement program that’s for anyone, in any walk of life!
If you’re someone that doesn’t like traditional goal setting, has already forgotten what your New Year’s resolutions were, or, if you were like me, and are very driven/connected to goals but sometimes lose sight of the bigger picture of WHY they really matter (so checking them off is not as satisfying), creating a vision board is the habit you need. It’s about leaning into a bigger picture perspective of how your life is ready to expand, to transform, to be different.
We all know life will be different in 365 days, but a vision board can be the key to having a strong hand in shaping and creating that difference, and not just letting it happen to us.
I love this quote. It’s been on my vision board for the past 4 years, and it helps me frame what we’re about.
My First Time Vision Boarding I Was Afraid
The first time I did a vision board it was tough and somewhat scary to really try to fix on what I wanted. What visuals, materials or pictures represent my life? (But that exercise is exactly where the magic begins.)
And of course, there’s the objection I got (and continue to get) from folks: “well, what about what if I don’t know what GOD has planned for me, aren’t these just my selfish desires being put out there, and how can I know if I’m actually supposed to be wanting this stuff?”
Well, I have lots to say on that topic, but I’ll try to just pose this question: what if you can make the process of developing a vision board a prayerful exercise?
Vision Boarding as an Expression of Hope
You can discuss things with your life partner/spouse, make plans based on where you see your family and life going, and with prayer, put it out there in the form of a vision board. We know God is ultimately in control, but you entrust your hopes and dreams into His care with the knowledge that He wants to make good things happen for, through, and with you. If life plans do a big shift—through a job change, or an unexpected move, a child coming, or anything else planned or un-planned—then you adjust. The vision board isn’t going to be “wrong” at any moment, it might just need to be updated as life unfolds and you continue to hone the muscles of discernment along with life-design.
I find that so many folks are just not intentional enough, or don’t believe enough that their own vision, desires, needs and goals CAN and SHOULD shape their real life, so I like to encourage you to take this seriously, and then simply perfect it with your overall goal setting/discernment as you go. My family vision boards are very different than when we first started making them…they are much more specific and focused on our core values, because that’s where we can do the best work and where we’ve seen fulfillment over the years.
These boards are not just a list of things you want to purchase or a home design pinterest board, they can be a record of the way your desires and values shift and change as you get to know yourself and your God-given purpose better with every passing year.
See, the more specific we get with letting our heart and desires shape reality, the more God actually can work, and move things for us.
I love the following quote, and I think we can understand the sense of divine intervention/support for our deepest desires—they are in alignment.
“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
So, I’m going to now share a few vision boards we’ve made over the years, and some details on how I like to set ours up now-a-days, in line with our circles of focus: such as social, spiritual, success/skills, etc.But there’s really no right or wrong way to do these—as long as you have fun with them (ideally do them with good friends and a glass of wine or champagne, we’ve done vision board brunches before, so fun)…just have at it, and see what unfolds in the process!
My 2016 vision board: I had some travel, business and other goals come to pass (and we set up for a job change and prepping for our big move!)–also, I have images on here of being pregnant with a boy…baby boy shoes…and a month after making this I conceived Ambrose, he was born that October 😉My 2015 visison board: I seriously get chills when I look at this: travel to Europe, business expansion, the kind of new family car we upgraded to, the giving back focus, and upon some key themes and words that I needed to embrace (including from scripture).
Topics for our vision board this year: grouped into these 6 main categories:
Family
Travel
Business growth/focus (this could also be a hobby or passion project)
Giving back/philanthropy
Personal growth/Inspiration (spiritual, emotional, mental)
Fitness
Of course I have intentions/focus in a few other areas; Spiritual etc, but the visuals for those can be grouped within these, above, as you can see.
If you have a word for the year, or words, or themes you want to emphasize, those go well on this board as well. You can see my 3 words, with visuals surrounding them–Intention, Integration, Impact. For me, words are another powerful trigger, so I find ones that will really pull me into the feelings behind the goals/vision, in each section, and quotes are huge for me too.
I love getting the kids involved in this process and they make their own; it’s fun to help them shape their sense that they can put dreams, visions and goals onto paper, and then focus in to make them a reality. Something we’ve all had the ability to do, but often lose as “practical minded” adults. Make it a social activity! This was a vision board brunch event we did a few years back with teammates and friends.
In summary, this practice is something that I laughed at at first, finally tried with the encouragement of some wise mentors, and then got hooked on, and have gotten better at (more specific, building around a family vision and focus) over the years.
It’s incredible to me how the visions of what life could be like several years ago back when we lived in an apartment in Brooklyn, have become our reality. I had country sheds and gardens and all these things that seemed totally incongruent with that current lifestyle.
Last year, it was hard to make a vision board with anything that was a stretch beyond what I currently had, and I was cultivating/focused on contentment.
There’s always a balance to be found: some people can be tempted to live in the future and only focused on what they want that’s coming/hasn’t arrived yet. This practice isn’t meant to encourage that spirit. Rather it’s about creating space, giving sight and vision to allow MORE good to come, to allow ourselves to be pulled out of our comfort zones, and to become more of who we are meant to be (which after all, is what this is all about—not just what we have, where we travel, or any of the material stuff). It starts with a deep gratitude for where your life is at, and perhaps even some visuals/prompts around that, if you need it.
Have fun creating your 2019 vision boards! I hope you’ll share with me whether this article inspired you to give it a try, and even share with me by email a pic of your vision board when it’s finished!
This concept came to my attention a few years ago when beginning to work with someone I admire so much as a social philanthropist and powerful business man, who is committed to making the world a better place through business efforts, not in spite of them. So often we’ve seen this split, especially when it comes to sustainable business models, and working hard to not harm the earth through growing a business. It also carries over into how we can use our leverage and business spheres to bring resources and awareness for the less fortunate. Coming from my work in non-profits, directly into business ownership, I’ve always valued this concept, the land of AND–that we can do well and do GOOD at the same time. It’s something that each of us should ponder how to carry out in our individual spheres.
So, in November 2018, the idea came to me, to have a month focused on giving back, and sharing that concept with all our clients and partners. We chose Mary’s Meals as our partner because 93% of the funds go directly to the kids (they run a lean, efficient, inspiring model) and announced it widely. The response was incredible. People completely understood and connected with it–it’s the time of year we all want to be giving of our time and resources—volunteering in soup kitchens is an option for some, helping with Thanksgiving baskets, etc, but additionally, being able to support these kids all over the world while making conscious choices for healthy lifestyle, is a total win-win.
The response was overwhelming, and we had our best month of business of the entire year. I was so excited, almost crying a few times as the response poured in. And speaking with the marketing manager at Mary’s Meals, he expressed his excitement and gratitude as well, knowing how much each of these $ would help the kids.
It was a humbling and beautiful reminder to me of how deeply connected we all are to our global community of need. We feel the hurt of those even far away, and want to do our small part. It may not feel like much, but it’s truly making a difference, as a collective whole.
It was, to me, a beautiful reminder of the power of doing well by doing good, and starting with WHY. When we know why we’re going after a big goal, and the power of the reason drives us, we become unstoppable. I’m so wishing I could hug and kiss those kids as they welcome their meals for a year, but I know that our part to play in all of this is beautifully important, while living in the land of AND.
