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Tag: leadership

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Postpartum life series: reflections at the 2019 NAMI women to women brunch

I had the honor of speaking at this beautiful event earlier this month. It was a privilege and I was thrilled to speak about a topic that is so near to my heart, and which I’m currently living–namely, finding balance & thriving in postpartum, and bringing awareness to the many challenges faced during this beautiful, fragile and absolutely life-changing season. Of course we focus on the milestones of a babies first months, but we must similiarly acknowledge and celebrate/support a mother in all her milestones of postpartum, and what she’s experiencing. I have seen all too often that women “suffer through” these tiring months without support, balance, joy or healthy habits that make them at their best. And as a culture and society, sadly PPD and PPA instances are on the rise, as we pressure women to get “back” to their perfect body, their normal levels of activities, and to rush back into work away from baby. Basically–to ignore the special needs, pace and blessings of this phase of life. Let’s change all of this. We’re flipping the script on postpartum life, I know as a community and society, that it’s important and possible.

*So, if you were there, you’ll know that this is NOT the speech I actually gave word for word—I always find in the moment that speaking from my heart rather than reading is the way to go, but since I prepped these notes, I wanted to share, and get your reactions to them. I know it takes a village and we’re all finding ways to voice just what we, our friends, and the mothers around us, truly need in postpartum. All of our experiences and stories deeply matter. The world needs to hear and be shaped by them*

Blaise made his stage debut with me, it meant so much that I could have him there as part of my presentation–the very representation of what I’ve become so passionate about advocating for and modeling; mothers can be mothers AND make an intentional impact, it’s not an either/or. It’s time for society to recognize and embrace these new models for work & mothering.
A captive audience…
Beautiful and inspiring friends whose own paths and work (and friendship) brought us together; they are wonderful advocates for healthy motherhood, prevention, and a focus on the whole person.
I’m always and continually inspired by courageous women–mothers and now grandmothers–who have forged the path of courage and authentic truth-telling. Their legacy is where we pick up, and their important work is echoed in all that we undertake. Barb is a true hero of mine in women making a huge impact through their work and business ownership, nutritional counseling–it was an honor to precede her on stage.
Indeed we are.

Talk given at the Woman to Woman event, Saturday, May 18, 2019

Event supporting NAMI (National Alliance Mental Illness)

Tomorrow Starts Today…with how we flip the script on thriving motherhood in postpartum

Good morning, my name is Madeleine Pidel, I’m a wife and mother of 4. I am also a health and business coach, and my postpartum experiences have completely transformed my outlook on life, my own career, and the trajectory of my life and our family. I want to share some reflections about why I believe that we can flip the script on mothers thriving in motherhood (which begins in the fragile days of postpartum), and thus create a better tomorrow, today.

I will start with my experiences in postpartum, and draw out some important conclusions based on stories that many of you here may be able to relate to, or know someone in your life who’s going through this.

With my first daughter, born 9 years ago this summer, I was working hard at a job I loved in NYC, when all of a sudden, it was time for her to be born, and maternity leave started…

…After a challenging (and beautiful) natural birth experience, I found myself completely overwhelmed, exhausted, life upside-down, no way of knowing how to care for this little human in my arms, or myself. I remember some days I didn’t get dressed, didn’t leave the couch, but I had a super supportive husband, and community of first time moms, so it wasn’t too lonely or tough (comparatively). But I definitely struggled with my identity, my feelings of self-worth (when I was focusing all my time on a baby, which didn’t feel “productive” to my career driven self). I had tinges of postpartum depression, and by 8 weeks, was actually relieved to have found an amazing nanny and to be going back to work part time–my brain needed it, and I needed a reason to get dressed and feel like a normal human. Of course, once I was balancing part-time (almost full-time) work and a child, I was getting frayed thinner than ever before. This is the reality for so many women. And rather than asking for more help, I just pushed harder and began to experience burnout when I was around 1 year postpartum. I had a health crisis, was very nutritionally depleted, no extra energy to workout or “care for myself” which I had decided was “selfish” at this point. It was my own crisis and wake up call I needed. I was fired from the job that was draining me, and I was given the gift of time to focus on being “just mom” while looking for another job.

At this point, my friend Melinda reached out to me and supported me, and shared this opportunity of business ownership that she was just discovering as a new mom like me. I was given a ray of hope to create a beautiful future for our family, and to dream again, all in an instant. What a gift to give a mother—to believe she can be truly present to her babies and kids as they grow, while being fully ambitious and pursuing beautiful things that matter to her too. It’s our lean-out, best of both worlds reality, that I feel so privileged to live, and to share.

This time, I had a strong sense that while my baby (turned toddler) could thrive without me around, I needed to be more a part of her life, and I was inspired to prepare to leave my desk job life. So in preparing to conceive and give birth to my 2nd child, I started my own business with this amazing tribe of women you see all around you, and I choose to work in finance in an environment with better work-life balance, and I knew I would be saying goodbye to office life after my 2nd was born, so my husband and I did everything we could to prepare financially for this transition. I had these incredible nutritional tools that are being shared (with my 2nd pregnancy) and felt amazing (no GD, worked out until 37 weeks), and my birth to a 9lb 11 oz baby girl was a beautiful experience, and my recovery was swift, I felt amazing just days after birth. I went on the road and traveled when she was 3 weeks old; to our global conference and our families. Balancing postpartum with a toddler was challenging but I wisely put myself into situations (the homes of my aunt, my mom, my mother in law) where I could rest and be cared for in those early weeks. But when I was preparing to go back to work at 8 weeks (to finish up a project then give my notice), the familiar deep dread set in. It’s just against everything in our hormonal and natural makeup to leave our babies so young and be sitting in an office, often doing work we could do remotely. Pumping and bottle prep takes women sometimes up to an hour each day/evening, and it’s just draining. My child didn’t take a bottle well at all, so I was going home on lunch breaks to feed her, then rushing back to work, pump, work some more, all knowing that things would shift soon enough. When she was 3.5 months old (and I’d been working for 6 weeks to complete an audit project)–I brought her in, in a carrier, and gave my notice to my boss, one of the moments I’ll always remember. I focused on my littles and worked on growing my at home business. The challenges of self-care, and balance remain, but with the empowering community of business owners, no one judges you for bringing babies to meetings, to conferences, and I felt so empowered and grateful. I had mom friends commenting to me–“you’re so lucky you get to have time with your babies and still use your brain”, and this beautiful reality drove me to share this gift with many other mommas. The work-life balance we desire, and which our babies need from us in their first years of life, is possible with some creativity and grit.

I LOVE seeing the women of my generation–from all walks of life and careers, rise up and take a stand for better balance in their work, in the baby’s first year and beyond. We’re continuing to show that we’re more valuable in our careers of choice BECAUSE of being mothers, not in spite of it. And with enough women doing just this important balance, the general culture can shift towards being more understanding of flexible working, a win-win situation.

I have now had 2 other postpartum experiences, as a business owner, and it’s incredible beautiful and freeing. I have had to learn to be better about asking for help, outsourcing everything except the most precious roles that only a mother can fill, and learning “radical self-care for radical service” which is my tagline for mommas. It’s not selfish to make sure our bodies, hearts and minds are working at their best to care for and raise these humans. It’s essential. And we need to rise up and create a stronger culture of care and support, enlisting folks who truly understand what is happening (and needed) in postpartum to provide that for mommas.

Of course, dropping off meals and baby clothes is a kind gesture, and appreciated, but even more appreciated or needed is taking the other kids away for an hour so mom can nap, or, when she’s ready, coming over to provide company to the new mother, or just hold the babe while she gets a moment to herself.

Additionally, all the nutritional and hormone balancing tools we offer are a crucial part of the puzzle for me. I use the foundational nutrition tools that the women in this room all use and rave about–I don’t know about you, but I want to age with grace, and alot of energy. I’m healthier now in my mid 30s, after 4 kids, than I was in my mid 20s, and I know it’s thanks to these daily vitalizer and daily shake. I literally can’t imagine going a day without them.

I’ve had 3 incredibly healthy pregnancies, with perfect health markers, high energy, the ability to workout, and this sets up for a smoother postpartum experience–less “baby weight” to lose, more energy, easier time transitioning into postpartum fitness habits, and of course it takes discipline and a strong WHY, but this is something all new moms crave and need more of, to be uplifted and reminded that they too, are allowed to thrive. Even the age old “sleepless exhausted” momma of a newborn doesn’t have to be that way. I had 1 baby (before Shaklee) who was the classic collicky, gassy, fussy, not a good sleeper, and I have since had 3 larger (healthy birth weight) Shaklee babies who sleep well for me from day 1, and not only that, we have tools like the cal mag and the pm recover to ensure mommas get the most out of their crucial rest.

With my 3rd postpartum, even though I was very healthy and had a good recovery, I began to experience some signs of adrenal fatigue and PPA, which is less diagnosed, understood or talked about. For me it looked like being super busy, keeping my super mom cape on too much, and getting frayed/fried around the edges. Getting exhausted easily, snappy at my kids (too easily anxious or angry) and I had to work to reset my nervous system, with tools like the stress relief complex, B’s, valuing sleep more, and I also discovered the incredible healing art of reflexology, and regular massage, etc, to support my body and give it extra doses of self-care, for all that I was expecting of it. This is when I embraced the concept of “radical self-care for radical service”–when we know WHY we want to be at our best, and who we’re doing it for (in addition to ourselves) it rises from the level of “extra” to essential.

This time around, in my 4th postpartum with Blaise, I wanted it to be as peaceful and restful as possible, and I called on my mom and family/sisters to come and stay with me for the first full month. I cooked very few meals, did almost no driving or caring for the kids, and this allowed me to have my best, fastest recovery, which amazed my midwives, considering it’s my 4th. I used Every Mother throughout the pregnancy and in the weeks following to prevent any additional separation and to continue healing my DR–which is a huge challenge for many moms, and I know SO many folks who’ve seen huge improvements in their back pain, posture, core strength and more.

I also did the extra resting/focus on support in those first weeks to balance my mood and ensure I didn’t develop early triggers for adrenal fatigue. It’s about giving mom permission (and value) to deeply REST, and in doing the very important work that she and baby are doing. We need communities and a society that support this understanding of postpartum, and as I look around this room, I can see that all of you are inspired by, and working towards, and can commit with me towards that.

I’ve become so much more aware of what my body needs in postpartum, with the phrases “intuitive eating” and “mindful movement” shaping much of my daily habits, and I’m so grateful for the incredible set of nutritional tools at our disposal. I’ve gone on to run a half marathon at 6 months postpartum with my 3rd, and things that would have been unthinkable to that original sleep and energy deprived me of 9 years ago. The GLA complex helps with balancing hormones and I take it whenever I’m feeling my mood is out of whack, along with lots of healthy (mindful movement, walking, stretching), socializing with those who lift me up, and epsom salts are hugely healing for postpartum nerves, afalfa for breastfeeding, vivix for reducing inflammation and of course, healthy digestion with optiflora DI. I eat a hormone balancing diet and have learned so much about the nutrition of postpartum not only through coaching other women through it from all walks of life, and living it myself deeply, but also through this wonderful resource called “the first 40 days” (A perfect book to give to someone you know who’s expecting a babe) (linked below). It’s about committing to a self care routine and knowing you’re doing it for you, and for baby. Doing things that bring us joy each day are crucial–it can be as simple as reading a book you enjoy while baby naps on you in the mornings with your favorite tea, laying out on a blanket in the sun in our yards while babe is napping, or grabbing a coffee at your favorite local spot, and sitting in a park (getting OUT with babe for our best mental health)…these things build up our level of joy and gratitude during this season which is also so ultimately demanding of us. The balancing act is challenging, but so beautiful when each mom finds her postpartum groove.

These babies are our future, and caring well for their mommas in those crucial, vulnerable, fragile first weeks & months (which are also the most beautiful), is our gift to the future of our world.

Action item: Can we all reach out to a new mom in our life today; let her know she’s valued, loved and supported? Share with her that postpartum can be a thriving, energized and truly happy and wonderful experience, and that want to be there for her, to support her in experiencing just that, with your presence, deep caring, and all the tools and ideas mentioned here.

Thank you!

More resources:
*First 40 days, a guide to nourishing the new mother (book)
*Facebook Postpartum community
*Other postpartum blog posts–here and here.
*Support NAMI (Putnam county chapter) here.

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12 Best Books (and 5 best podcasts) for your first year in Business

I speak with and work with amazing entrepreuners and small business owners, who come from all walks of life and diverse backgrounds–teachers, advertising professionals, stay-at-home moms, consultants, writers, you name it. I LOVE the passion and energy of someone starting a new project, whether it’s a passion project, community service venture, philanthropic undertaking or a small business of their own. It’s just beautiful to see these dreams start to become reality, especially when they finally have the courage after years, and the moment is right to dive in. Well, I’ve also seen in so many cases, we underestimate ourselves. Not the need for the hard skills or what’s required. No, it’s not for lack of sweat equity and knowledge that the first year can be so challenging. It’s truly a matter of mindset. To shift one’s thinking away from cultural norms or to expand our level of expectation of ourselves, our successes, it requires truly new thoughts, ideas and inspirations. And we need to keep digging into our total mindset makeover for a full year (or more) as our visions become reality.  I learned this the hard way–hitting so many mental roadblocks early on in business, unsure of where to turn, thinking I was alone in this challenge or didn’t have the resources or depth to figure it out.

Turns out, the saying goes, you become like the 5 people you spend the most time with. Well, some of us may have been blessed or wise to build strong, incredible tribes of like-minded individuals around us. And this list is certainly encouraged to be used in a book club or business mastermind setting (that’s where some of them had their start with us too!). But in all honesty, I want to surround myself with the best of the best, and challenge my thinking continuously, and the best way I’ve found to do that is to hang out with these amazing role models through their writings.

So, without further ado, here’s my curated list, and a sentence or 2 about why each of these books made it!

(PS: Thanks in advance for using and supporting the affiliate links that make this blog possible…it’s what we call a win-win).

  1. The War of Art. Somehow, this is always at the very top of my list to recommend when someone says–I’m starting something new! It’s exciting and scary. Well, we all have this friend, RESISTANCE. It’s the reason that things don’t come to reality, that we stop ourselves, that we say we’re not good enough, that it can’t happen…but here’s the thing. This book will literally debunk every excuse you ever had, and then fire you up, with short and chewable kicks-in-the-pants for even those phases when reading seems like a distraction from the start-up checklist. You MUST read this book. Immediately, and then read it again every year thereafter.

2. Rich Dad, Poor Dad. This is the ultimate short-cut to understanding wealth creation and the mindset that’s required for breaking free from an Employee/9-5 mentality…and never looking back. I can’t recommend it highly enough, and check out the cash flow quadrant as a follow up to it. I go back to these concepts in my coaching time and time again–they are just so juicy.

3. The Happiness Advantage. Have you ever had the thought, or played out that you want to be happy, but that you must first achieve XYZ, or prove these things to yourself and others, especially in your current venture? Well, this book is going to perfectly and beautifully turn that strange cultural norm we have of HAVE, DO, BE…to BE, DO, HAVE. When we’re happy first–and work on our mind–we then create the habits, avenues and possibilities for greatest success…not the other way around….hard work, grind, grimace, and then with success we’re allowed to finally smile. I’m telling you, this is another game-changer. Not just for your current venture, but for your entire life!

4. Rising Strong. And for all the times when “Happiness” just doesn’t cut it, or life can’t be that simple…there’s this book. It taught me the beauty and power of a vocabulary and framework of vulnerability for true connection. And isn’t that what we’re all craving and creating when we make brands, serve clients, create something new? And we face so many of our own demons when we step into new roles and new playing fields. This is your playbook for how to handle all the #$*& that life throws at you…and to come out, stronger.

5. High Performance Habits. Now that you have some of that intense and big picture stuff behind you–let’s move on to your daily habits. This book is SO closely linked to common sense, it’s crazy, but it’s also revolutionary and mind-blowing at the same time, because no one has ever done what Brendon’s done, and set out to codify and study success as it relates to habits that we can copy. It’s the fastest cheat sheet to your personal growth accelerator that you can find–short of dishing out lots of money to attend a personal development or leadership seminar. Which you should. Consider this your teaser.

6. 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership. After working on yourself and your habits, this book turns you to awareness of the bigger picture–the team your building, or the company you’re creating, the clients and partners you’re working with and involving in your vision. This is such a classic text and the wisdom is richer with age. I can’t say enough good things, you’ll probably be re-reading it regularly, or referencing it. Leaders are readers, so you’re in the right company there too!

7) Start with Why. After focusing on your team and sphere of influence, this book is going to help you understand the power and importance of stating and living/exploring your vision to it’s fullest definition and potential. Classic quote from the book–“People don’t buy WHAT you sell, they by WHY you sell it.” I wish I could say this was an easy read, it’s not, it’s a bit of a slog at times…but it’s one of those must read books for entrepreuners, so read it you will!:)

8) The 4 Agreements. This is a classic of personal development, that becomes crucial and foundational for business owners and anyone creating their own brand. Want to be treated with respect, and always treat others at the highest level possible? This book shatters some societal expectations and helps us envision a world where there’s more GOODNESS, so we can go out and start creating it. These 4 rules for living will serve to bring so much peace and happiness to you when lived out.

9) Playing Big. This is your play book for expanding what you think is possible for yourself, and living life at a new level of purpose, vision and productivity. It’s one you have to sit with, go back to chapters in, and put into practice immediately, as you go!

10) Girl, Wash your face. Tying in with #9, perhaps more modern and relatable, and no less important. I have to admit I haven’t finished this one yet…but I listen to Rachel’s podcast daily and really love her. This book and her message has made her a household name very very quickly this past year. Enjoy it!

11) Lucky Bitch. Denise was one of the first business/money mindset mentors during my shift away from corporate America ideals. I loved her irreverent style, and she’s just so good at getting to the root of what may be holding us back–from abundance, success according to our definitions, and her definitions are often in 6 figures. She’s always leading the way for powerful women coaches and online marketers, and tapping into her abundance teachings will serve you well.

12) One beautiful dream. This is not at all saved for the end because of it’s lack of importance. This book had a huge impact on my heart when I read it. For many of us, business and our family goals and priorities go together–They certainly have to be in alignment, and I love Jen’s take on it. I think it’s a perfect final note for you to end on, as you’ve built your business to something you’re proud of, and you embrace and see how your own deepest values, and family life, actually inspires and contributes to your greatest inspirations and successes. Cheers!!

WHEW! This list is absolutely guaranteed to change your life. 

PODCASTS: So here’s the tricky thing for me about my podcast recommendations. I think it’s good to be 100% sure of the content and aware of the full package when recommending something. With the books, I’ve read them all cover to cover. With these podcasts, I haven’t listened to every single eposide, and it’s possible there are some real duds or things I wouldn’t wholeheartedly agree with or recommend. With a podcast, you’re letting someone into your life to influence you little by little, casually and easily, so I feel that it’s a more delicate relationship. However, these 5 are ones that I have a general sense of, have benefitted alot from myself, and I think you will soak up not only their truth bombs and wisdom, but also their personalities, humor and how much EASE they bring to their own passion. I guarantee a regular diet of these will LIGHT YOU UP.

 

Rachel Hollis, RISE. (her book is above)….just so down to earth, scatterbrained, smart, willing to try anything, talk to anyone, figure anything out. Her path hasn’t been straightforward and she oozes gratitude and wisdom nuggets like you wouldn’t believe. Enjoy her!

Jenna Kutcher, GOAL DIGGER. She is fun, fiesty, fiery, straight-talking and will take you on a wild ride through the layers of a multi-million dollar online marketing guru lifestyle!

Tony Robbins. Seriously one of the most larger-than-life human beings alive today. I can’t even prepare you for what he will do to shape your mind and heart with his truths…BUT–here’s the thing…now his podcast is sometimes outsourced and run/led by others–not cool–so be sure to find the REAL Tony Robbins and just eat it all up.

Brendon Burchard. I’ve spent the least time with his podcast, and some of his hacks haven’t been that great for me…but his book is solid gold, and I know he’s really the main coach working with and learning from the best of the best, so definitely keep him close to you for ideas…and healthy kicks when you get lazy or off-course.

Sarah Robbins. She is just one of the most incredible humans in the industry of social marketing. I think you’re going to be so drawn to her story, her deep faith, her incredible heart of vision, purpose, service and the bigger picture. She’s forever changed the landscape of online and social marketing for our generation, and you will probably cry during her episodes, I know I do, that’s how real, and important and beautiful her topics are.

 

I hope you enjoy these all–I know it’s alot to sink your teeth into, but regular podcast listening, a book a month, you’ll be on your way to a beautiful mindset shift that will shape and empower your business in ways you never knew were possible!

And connect with me if you feel that adding in regular coaching with me in the first year would support your highest goals and habits!

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5 Life-changing books for a new year. And how they’ve shaped me.

 

Friends,

This is my first post of the new year. There was a much needed easing into 2018, that I’m immensely grateful for. So far it’s been a year of the unexpected…from snow days,  to other, bigger challenges, and I’m seeing clearly that time for renewal and recovery after the holidays was what was needed. Despite how far ahead into big 2018 plans my brain might have been rushing–the reality of life’s pace said differently…and I’m grateful I could listen and adjust the plans. Right now, I’m working towards this perspective on Flow. Flow does experience bumps. Flow doesn’t mean there won’t be any challenging moments anymore. 

But I also know that by leaning into the discomfort–the tough conversations with loved ones, the messy things that are life, by going THROUGH, not around–we’ll find grace, peace, and ultimately, much growth.

I’m in the midst of it, but I have gained some perspective based on the self-reflection I did to make my new year intentions–how I want this year to feel and be.

(More from me on that topic, and on vision boards, will be coming soon, by popular demand!)

BUT, I’m excited to start the year with this post. There are so many things that a new year offers us: the chance to eat better, move more, laugh more, sleep more, pray more, hug our loved ones more, etc. But something that I think is one of the most common “resolutions,” if you use that word, or “intentions” is to READ MORE!

Yep, it’s been on my list for as long as I can remember, and I know from social media that many of you have the same desire. I love to reflect back on specific books that have particularly shaped me, and there are a few that stand out, especially for this time of the year. These books are ones that are focused on personal growth, on resetting habits, on de-cluttering, and making space for good.

So I’ll share the book titles, and I want to dive into a tiny commentary and some musings on how these shaped me in hopes it will encourage you to put some or all of them on your 2018 list, if you feel that the themes will support you! This cold weather blast that we’ve been experiencing has made curling up with a good book by the fire on the top of my list. And major gratitude for Amazon prime. 

The Happiness Advantage

I read this book at a moment (about 2 years ago) when I was at a crossroads with work, and with owning a business. You see, I had been taught to set goals, and be happy when I had achieved them, and since I’m pretty type A, this model worked well for me. At some point though, I realized I was in a model where I was always setting the next goal, and always looking ahead to the next thing, and always thinking goals were a good idea. At the same time, as a mother, I was often realizing humbly just how hard it can be to accomplish things–with children, for children, getting to sink zero, much less inbox zero, or scoring that new client or project, or even getting to the grocery store and coming out with what we needed, on a given day.

Hence…I felt I was chasing happiness…and it was always escaping me. Can anyone else relate? The to-do lists never go away, and we want to end the day with a feeling of deep, meaning, some joy, some sense of what has happened and also that we were able to spend the time being happy. Not just looking everywhere for the happiness.

This book dispels POWERFULLY the notion that happiness can be attained by goal achievement, and flips it on it’s head with great research, compelling stories, sound cases from corporate environments and more. We’re left understanding that happiness DRIVES success, not the other way around.

And for some of us, that massive mindset shift can be the beginning of some amazing things. Highly recommend it for entrepreneurs, moms, dads, anyone in leadership roles, and anyone who wants to be happy in 2018 and to know that their happiness is going to fuel some other amazingly positive things for them in work and in life.

(Another great book on this topic, but more related to personal life, is Gretchen Rubin’s well known book, “The Happiness Project”. I read this a few years back and it had a deep impact on me and how we think about our lives, habits and what we have control over in terms of creating the right environment for creativity, peace and yes, daily happiness.)

Spark Joy

So I gave this book to myself for Christmas (In 2016) and my family laughed/cringed when they saw me joyfully unwrap it. Sure enough, a few weeks into January 2017, since one of our primary goals of the year was the successful sale of our place and move to a new one (with 3 small kids, do I need to remind you?), we had to take a serious look at our STUFF. And I was so mentally ready.

The first time I read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up in 2016 I was impressed, and it spoke to me–cluttered and haphazard as my habits were at the time)–and got me philosophically. BUT, I wasn’t fully ready to commit to the hard work involved in making such life changing magic occur. Anyone relate? It’s easy to get both bogged down and overwhelmed by the project of tidying…especially when we know we need it.

But, fast forward to this moment when our kid stuff and clutter was reaching a mental health hazard level, and you will understand how this book, when put into the hands of the right person, on or around January or February of the new year, could literally create magic and spark that deep and wild joy that only a true Konmari fan knows.

I hauled 17 trash bags full of stuff to Goodwill (appreciated, but no longer needed; and mind you, we lived in a modest footprint and thought we were good about getting rid of stuff!). This work sparked the rest of the year and made our search for a new place, and move the truly life changing experience that it was. In her book, Marie Kondo makes a bold claim, that properly tidying your home, and knowing how you want to live–ie, being in integrity with your values and your relationship to what you have around you, will literally lead you to your next home…if you’re on the market. I completely believe that’s what happened. And on the other side of it, we have everything we need for a blessed and simple life, and nothing that we don’t.

Here’s what you learn in the book: the clarity you get around the stuff in your life–what you value, what stays with you when you’re making those decisions and ⅓ of your stuff needs to get removed or stored (like when you’re showing your place to sell it!)–all of a sudden, that clarity can wildly expand to other parts of your life. You’re creating space for more of what you want, but letting go of what’s not serving you, and being very clear and intentional with what you keep around you, and why.

How cool is that? It was a deeply spiritual, mentally challenging and important project, so I encourage you to take it seriously for what it is. If this is your year to change how you feel about your home, your stuff, and the mental clutter/overwhelm that can often accompany it, I’m cheering you on and I’m here happy to chat directly about your experiences. Enjoy that free, light feeling–much like we have at the end of a good, balanced, cleanse (see my subtle pitch there:)) but related to your home! It’s magical.

And turns out, we’ve kept many many of these practical habits she teaches after we moved (this book cannot make moving EASY, but it certainly makes moving more meditative and powerful in some ways). The kids have happily adopted some of the practices for their clothes and other things…toys are always a slight challenge, but we are light years ahead of where we were on that front a year ago. Highly recommend this for a transformative 2018 (you may want to start with her first book, the Life Changing Magic, or you may want to just dive right into the nitty gritty), and we’ll be doing more with this book and our communities in the coming months.

The Hidden Power of Kindness

 

So this book was recommended to me by my spiritual director. I knew that I needed to give it a read. I’ve been working HARD in past years on becoming a kinder person, and while I know it’s very much a work-in-progress, this book is where the pedal hits the floor. It’s very easy to speak platitudes about how the world would be a great and better place if we were all a little kinder (yes, I’ve been guilty of such simplification myself), but this book can open your eyes to the depths of the human heart–what we’re capable of, what we’re expected to do for others, in the name of kindness (i.e., real love) and what we’re expected NOT to do, which for many of us is really a kicker.

I have to admit to you that it’s a powerful bedside read. You may, like me, only be able to handle small chunks at a time, to meditate on, work with, live with, attempt to live up to…and most importantly, let it change our perspective on matters of the heart, and demand more of ourselves in the name of real, sacrificial love. The kind of kindness that truly changes people…most especially, ourselves.

The 4 Agreements: A practical guide to personal freedom

This book should probably be read by every high schooler, and again in college, and basically at every life stage. It’s a simple, powerful read, a little hard to get into (I’m saying that because you have to stick with it). It’s about personal integrity, understanding a context/framework within which to view and understand socialization, society, the family, ourselves and why we think and act the way we do. Once we understand that framework, we realize that these 4 simple yet utterly profound and life-changing “Agreements” that we can make with ourselves, can literally be the difference between a life lived at peace, and with a vision of the world as being a place of wholeness and meaning and ultimate unity, versus a vision of life as full of  fragments and frustrations. If you’ve ever wondered if there was a better way to live, or to approach life, this book might just give you a glimpse and some clues that are worth exploring and embracing. I can’t wait to hear your comments on this one if you’ve read it…everyone loves to talk about the effect it’s had in their lives, and in the lives of their loved ones. No spoilers–you have to discover what the 4 agreements are for yourself. And more importantly–whether you can live them out.

The War of Art

Ok. I did save this for last, and yes, this is probably up there at the very top of the list. Have you said that this year will be different? You’ll stop procrastinating and write that novel, take that desired vacation, change jobs like you’ve been meaning to, etc? And then have a sinking feeling it just might not happen? Well, what you’re up against is a common experience of “resistance” and this book breaks down exactly what’s going on.

The focus is on the creative process, but it really applies for any transformation and anything new that’s positive in life, which has a creative element. This book explains how to see the resistance for what it is, be mentally armed against it, and then to work through it to experience the powerful movements of support and integration, let’s call it “inspiration” on the other side  when you begin the daunting project– the training for that big race, the writing of that short story, the work on your website/used car, etc.

 

Whatever you’re most passionate about creating in 2018, this book will help you discover exactly what’s holding you back–and then render those forces powersless against you. I can’t WAIT to see what happens in your lives as a result of this book. I read it in Jan/Feb of 2017 with a 3 month old needing nursing sessions–so basically in the nooks and crannies of the day–and I can honestly point to its power being responsible for 80% of the great things that we were able to create this year, including my dream-come-true website/brand and a few other things that I would have told you a year ago were impossible or highly unlikely.

Read it now, read it in 3 months, read it again and again as long as you know what you’re working to create is worth fighting for. This is your compass and you’re going to LOVE IT.

_______________________

I hope that you enjoyed my summaries, complete with capitals. I can’t tell you enough how excited I am for this coming year. I’m in the middle of Rising Strong (Brene Brown) and it’s rocking and rumbling my world. More on that one soon. The other books that are high on my list for the coming weeks are these 2 books about FLOW. This word is coming into focus for me, and I want to get into the topic more deeply. If you want to be kept in the loop of what I’m reading, recommending and why, sign up for the emails–and let’s be sure to discuss, as you go through your transformative book lists for 2018!

I also have a book list that I will share with any of you by request: it’s called 12 Books for Your First Year in Business–for entrepreneurs, especially ones in a leadership/networking/coaching field like this one (though of course it’s valuable for others too, as the skills all overlap). This list is something I’ve worked hard on with several other business owners I greatly admire, so I’m pumped to be able to share from what we’ve culled and gathered and benefitted from over the years.

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Be. Do. Have. Principles for life and leadership

I was reflecting the other day on what I think a huge piece of our daily mindset and happiness comes from, and how we can approach anything, from goal setting for the new year coming up, to raising our kids, to looking forward to something positive in the new year like an exotic trip. Some conversations with close friends highlighted that when we’re making changes, we wonder how to make sure it will stick; do we have the right framework for it, to make the habits, goals, and all other elements come together? What tools will ensure that this change we’re working on is lasting and meaningful?

Well, I think it has to do with this paradigm shift that literally blew my mind and caused me to re-evaluate so many principles and things I was working with, from relationships, to teammate interactions, goal setting sessions, even my daily to-do list and how I approached it with a fierceness, convinced that if I conquered it I would rest that night with that blissful feeling of doing it all, but in reality–any mom can tell you–the day had a million interruptions and sometimes those all important items became an afterthought to the living. Do we measure success by our to-do list being short, or by something else?

So….how can we approach life differently? How can we create/cultivate happiness, in each moment, complete for what it is, as if we already have what we seek? You and I all know people who manage to live this way…and they are often very attractive, so they have natural leadership qualities. But what is this new approach?

Here’s a quote that sums it up better than I ever could:

Most people believe that if they ‘have’ a thing (more time, money, love – whatever) then they can finally ‘do’ a thing (write a book, take up a hobby, go on vacation, buy a home, undertake a relationship), which will enable them to ‘be’ a thing (happy, peaceful, content, or in love). In actuality, they are reversing the Be-Do-Have paradigm. In the Universe as it really is (as opposed to how you think it is), ‘havingness’ does not produce ‘beingness’ but the other way around. First you ‘be’ the thing called ‘happy’ (or ‘knowing’, or ‘wise’, or ‘compassionate’, or whatever) then you start ‘doing’ things from this place of beingness – and soon you discover that what you are doing winds up bringing you the things you’ve always wanted to ‘have.’ Conversations with God, Book 3, Neale Donald Walsh

So…imagine if you woke up and said…today, I choose to be _________ (peaceful, joyful, focused (on a deadline), vibrant, lighthearted, etc) and then set out to do your day, from that conviction that you already can be and are that thing. It’s a grounding in ourselves and not relying on things outside of us to determine our mood or attitude about the day. Incredibly powerful shift, though so subtle that you might feel that your day itself doesn’t look that much different. But try it out and it will FEEL incredible different.

I was loving this concept and using it alot in my business, which is all about setting goals and helping your teammates to set big goals…because sometimes for myself or others, this funny thing would happen….month after month, with growth, new business, success, milestones, even accolades, we can sometimes feeling empty inside, or “is this enough”. Or, well, time to focus on the next big goal–to try to that proud feeling of accomplishment that is so sweet and is hardwired in us to enjoy.

It’s like you’ve been waiting all year for your birthday, and then the sheer anticipation overwhelms the actual event and makes it hard to have perspective on what you’re actually enjoying about the big day.

Can anyone else relate? Especially my goal lovers out there who love a good goal to keep ourselves in motion. Well, it turns out…there’s something else here. We have to, get to, learn to love the journey, not just the destination. That’s where the being and the doing come in. If I just tell myself, I will be happy when I get that next raise at work, or next month at the holidays, or I’ll be happy when my kids finally start listening better, or I’ll be happy when I have a new wardrobe, or sofa,…you see what I mean? It’s always outside of us, of our control, and it’s always beckoning us to be dis-satisfied with what we currently have. It screams louder when we go on social media and compare, compare, feel upset, guilty, pitty party, everyone else’s life is (looks) perfect and mine is…well, real life.

Give yourself permission to let that go. Connect with what you’re feeling called to BE in the world (we’ll do more of this work in my design your life series in the new year, so hop on over to the page and submit your info if you’re intrigued). And let’s shine and use our gifts in a way that is free and unlinked to anything that we feel we should HAVE or DO, that hasn’t happened yet.

For me, this has taught me to focus a bit more on what my spirit is calling forth in me. If there’s a need for greater outspokenness, or greater peace or patience (in my household that’s always a good one!), or if I’m meant to start with gratitude for what I already have rather than thinking of the few things I don’t have. It’s a powerful lesson to work on with kids as well, because why, at a young age, do we get hardwired this way? I’m definitely trying to re-wire or un-wire the circuits so my kids are free to focus on BEING, rather than be products of cultures of DOING or HAVING. Watch a 4 year old play and you’ll see and remember it all used to be much simpler….and there’s a beauty in that. You can think more about this topic by reading The Four Agreements, another one of my top reads.

In leadership, it means focusing in on the qualities or aspects of your partners or teammates and speaking to THOSE first. Rather than “here’s a deadline, I’ll be judging you by your efforts and productivity to meet it”. Or, exploring the perspective of where a person wants to be, and asking the question–but WHY? And getting down to the deepest layer of what drives them forward; within that motivation, we find the desire and the being, that is much more fundamental to us than our need to DO or HAVE.

My daily planner which I’ve been using for 2 years (just ordered my 3rd for 2018! Happy dance) is one called “The Desire Map Planner” by Danielle LaPorte. It spoke to me on a deep level when I was at a crossroads (read, overwhelmed by life!) and was ready to implement these principles for goal setting and action from a place of being and becoming, and feeling, rather than traditional yardsticks. It may not be for everyone, but it’s changed my life, and I HIGHLY recommend it if you’re in the market for a planner…that’s another post for another day, but give yourself permission to explore these topics, and enjoy the way your life shifts!

Great short article with some practical types on working your new muscle.

http://www.davidyarian.com/articles/be-do-have.htm

Be, Do, Have