The longer days, early morning walks & gardening, evenings that stretch & are full of fun & play until dark, backyard hangouts, BBQ’s, family gatherings, vacations, pool time, dining al fresco. So many things to love about summer!… *This week has been a heavy one. Thinking of those families who will have a very different summer than they had hoped for, our thoughts & prayers are with them, and I’m committed to living in defiant hope & making the impact we can, right here & now, in our families & communities.*…And with that…comes the inspiration to make sure our health, vitality & energy match our summer bucket lists & plans. Here’s a quick round up of summer essentials, recipes, workouts I’m loving, summer beach reads, and more. Cheers to the long weekend & the start of summer ‘22! May it be memorable & wonderful in every way.
Maddy’s Good list summer roundup:
*The perfect summer salad (that can be paired with grilled foods or as a stand alone dinner)—shared the recipe over on insta 😉 (tag me if you make it!)
*HIIT workout: when you have 20 min & want to get your sweat on before you tackle the day.
*Beach read, Genius zone: I’ll be bringing this one on vacation with me & discussing with my inspired reads book group…summer is a perfect time to focus in on our zone of genius & what inspires us & allows us to live more creatively. The world needs that from you.
These have been powering me through summers with all the energy & vitality I could ask for since 2012…so grateful I get to share them with you & see the impact it makes!
Happy clients tell all:
“J & I are loving the dream serene!”
“I need to do another healthy cleanse soon”
‘I’m feeling less anxious & I’m down 6lbs in 2 weeks”
“This sustained energy boost is incredible!”
*Let’s make your summer the best yet! Email me hello@maddypidel.com for your free 15 min health or life design consult!
This time of coronavirus pandemic has meant that life has changed, overnight. Many of us are still unpacking what it all means, and working from the ground up to build new rhythms for our days. Suddenly, many of us are homeschooling our children (in the midst of our work and other obligations) and while it’s an abrupt shift, and has been challenging for many of us, I firmly believe that we will look back at this season, and see alot of good in it.
My own childhood history is that of homeschooling, for all of elementary and even for highschool. It was a blessing that I know shaped who I am tremendously, and while I know full well the inherent challenges of it, I have also been a first-hand beneficiary & recipient of so much of the best parts about homeschooling–the freedom, independence, forced habits of personal discipline and motivation, and the reminder that at the end of the day, we are all responsible for our own education. Learning seeds of this (in the right nurtured environment) early on, can shape the trajectory of a beautiful educational experience of a lifetime.
It’s one of those things that can look messy in real-time, in the process, but stepping back just a bit, it’s a beautiful thing. We all need to give ourselves grace and remember that our kids see us, doing our best, adjusting at a steep curve and learning alongside them all (those of us who haven’t been homeschooling)…and in the end, we’ll all look back and say–it wasn’t easy but we did it!
Love establishing our habit of prayer & journaling and learning about a virtue–combined with some read aloud as needed 😉
Here’s a few glimpses into our perfectly imperfect homeschooling life (of one full week), and a few thoughts & tips/tools that I hope may make it just a tiny bit easier and less stressful for you.
*Keeping our mindset on the bigger picture enables us to stay positive throughout–focusing on what we can accomplish each day with all the time we now have at home. I have to remain flexible while firm about a certain list of things getting done, but the order in which they happen may shift, and working on building habits of responsibility and self-direction/motivation in the kids as a top priority. We’re doing a combo of online & book learning, as many of you are, so it ends up being like “station rotation” at our house (like the girls were used to from school): 30 min with me at the dining table, working on specific worksheets/assignments, then a small break for a chore or quick play in the yard, or 30 minutes of free reading, they can sneak off to a comfy spot in the house (quiet and away from little brothers)…before coming back for a 30 minute session in their google classroom in the office, or playing math games on this fun site called www.abcya.com (believe me, it makes me very happy to see how much joy they get out of “fraction monsters”–the bigger fraction eating the smaller one–and it’s entertaining 3 of them (oldest sis gets a mini audience for part of it).
Their simple joy about choosing and planting seeds is contagious. Daily #actsofhope during this time.
*Keeping things light and positive is definitely the name of the game to keep my own stress levels down, and to keep us powering through our day. I’ve chosen to offer rotating “specials” classes, just like they had at school. They get a kick out of this–with science class being planting seeds last week (an ultimate #actofhope in these dark times–that better, brighter days are coming)…and art class, cooking class and PE were we’ll be learning more about certain sports. Having it feel novel and fun (with short segments of focus) is what’s working for us.
Field studies at a local park: nature walk & beach/stream play.
*Here’s a great checklist that has basically taken all the stress out of having to keep them reminded of what they need to do. I detail out all the things we need to have them do in a given day, and establish a simple reward for each week (it’s been a new craft), and they eagerly refer to them often and remind me of what needs to get done. This takes the fighting out of any particular moment when I ask them to do it–I just refer to the chart. And vice versa, I don’t have to control too tightly the order in which things happen: I let them dictate that, so long as it all gets done over the course of the day. It’s really been a life saver and I even established a small checklist for myself to ensure I hit my own daily self-care and personal goals along with the work and family commitments we all feel. With so many big things out of our control, it’s so nice to feel that this one thing–our rhythm, our daily work and commitments, can be checked off a list and represents a day intentionally lived.
*Talk about it all. I have been checking in with them frequently to see how they are feeling about things–if they feel they are getting enough support, if assignments feel easy, hard, at the end of each day how they feel it went–their “highs and lows” (we love this great book to make it a family dinner affair) and of course, talking in general terms about how we’re all handling this crisis. This is an important moment, these little beautiful people are processing a huge life change alongside us, and I want to honor and respect that. For one of mine, it’s also meant some face-timing with her classmates to fill the social hole she feels missing. We all have to take the approach that we’re figuring this out one day at a time, and I think involving the kids in that, so they know they are agents of their new life, is hugely helpful.
I have to admit: when we designed this space a few months back, I thought to myself it would be perfect for homeschool moments…
*Tidying breaks. This is a major lesson learned–if we let the normal messes of schooling build up, it gets to my peace. I love a mid-morning and lunch time quick tidy that everyone can be involved in; and more than ever this is when our spaces need to be well organized with easy access to materials, and a beautiful, calm and productive environment for them to learn. Grateful that we’re able to tailor our new spaces and just test out how things flow best regarding which classes or activities for schooling take place where. Just like in their classrooms, kids love it when we mix it up, and they also respond well to order.
*Regarding schedule–what works for us is some flexibility and grace (spoken as a mom of 4, with lots of moving parts and little needs from everyone)…I don’t sweat if we don’t get everything done before lunch; there are plenty of other moments in the day and afternoon, but I DO emphasize down-time/quiet time during Blaise’s nap–and I will often get my own work done then, or focus in with the older girls, and I make sure that we all MOVE every day—that hasn’t been too hard as they just run out the door any moment they get when it’s sunny. When it’s rainy, we’ll pull out the yoga mats and do some good ol’ mindful movement. Walking/riding bikes in the neighborhood helps all of our moods, and I’ve tried to keep a steady flow of slightly new crafts/coloring pages, and art materials flowing in, so they are always eager to use. Again, we’re only 1 week in, but I know Michaels and other places are having fantastic online sales, and we can get alot of great stuff delivered that can help make this all as bright & fun as possible.
I know that at the end of each day, I want them to know that we learned together, we did our very best, and we were kind and positive to each other. That we listened well, and grew together. It’s challenging me in all the right ways, and stretching my momma heart (with so much pride, especially, for how resilient they can be) and I am very grateful for the hidden blessings and lessons of a challenging time.
Working from home can present its own set of challenges, We idealize it as–unlimited delicious homemade coffee, and pajamas until 12–or later. Sometimes, It’s not like that at all. It might look like–distracting yourself with housework when you are avoiding work for a deadline, or having small children making messes or pulling on your leg while you’re trying to sit at a computer and answer emails. The time-sucks and lack of motivation can just start to overwhelm us. We often aren’t sure how to get re-focused, re-inspired, and to set up a set of routines that can put us into FLOW with our work. So we experience the benefits of flexible work, and fewer of the downsides.
And first of all, I want to pause for a moment to acknowledge what a blessing it is, in this moment in time, to have work opportunities available to us that we can do from home, in the middle of this enormous crisis. We do not take that for granted for an instant.
I’ve had a lot of experience over 7 years of working flexibly, of how to manage my time working from home, expectations of what I’ll accomplish, and daily re-inspiring and motivating myself to chip away at work goals, to-do lists, bringing joy and a sense of fulfillment to each moment of the day (or many, at least).
Let’s start with these 5 tips, and see how you can boost your mindset around working from home, or just develop some new strategies.
Adjust expectations–to fit your reality.
Set up your work space to optimize joy, focus and productivity.
Time management & blocking: give yourself things to look forward to your breaks each hour.
Set a schedule you can stick to (even while enjoying flexibility).
Focus on the big picture.
1) Adjust expectations–to fit your reality.
I’ve learned the hard way that a long to-do list and a working from home lifestyle can sometimes frustrate you (and others). Of course, you can have productive pockets of time, but you also need to manage expectations (your own, and other peoples’) about what you’ll accomplish. For me, that starts with having a top 3 list in my planner–the 3 most important things that need to be done, and tackling those first, so that anything else that’s on the list, or “extra” is gravy. Help others understand your realities–try to under-promise and over-deliver. I’m often very clear with those I’m in communication with: this particular task will happen at this time of day (during a toddler nap) and not before, so that the expectations are clear, and you’re not always scrambling to re-adjust.
2) Set up your work space to optimize joy, focus and productivity.
This is your chance to create your ideal environment, and to add to your productivity and enjoyment of your work. Choose a beautiful, quiet, well-lit & decorated spot and set it up to be a place that brings you joy as you approach. Along with this, set up rituals in your day that help trigger your brain to look forward to focusing in–that could be a simple as a delicious cup of pour-over, or a steaming mug of tea, a great soundtrack, and more. Even better if you’ve been able to do a quick 20 min walk or yoga session to get blood flowing to your brain! These are proven methods that highly successful folks use daily to power up their focus, and you can do them at home with even more control of your environment than at the office.
Home office inspo: Via Serena & Lily
3) Time management & blocking: give yourself things to look forward to in your breaks each hour.
Similarly to your office environment, you have even more control over your focused work times–when they occur and why. You can take quizzes that help you determine what time of day you’re most productive, and you can tailor your calendar and work day around that. For example if mid morning is your peak productivity, avoid letting mtgs be scheduled then, or calls, and try to do your deeper work/content creation, etc then.
Brendon Burchard–in his book High Performance Habits, and elsewhere–talks about how the ideal window for peak productivity is to work in 50 min chunks (on a single task or set of related tasks) and then take a 10 min break, to totally reset your brain. This fits well with my experience (if you’re a mom, you might be thrilled with 30 min chunks while kids are occupied), and the point is that during the hourly breaks, you move around, stretch, get a different perspective, maybe do a small chore, household project or email check/communication moment, and then dive back into another focused block. Try this out in different intervals and see what works. You’ll be amazed what happens when you close a few browsers, stop checking email and social media on your phone, and just focus in on something for 45-50 min. Magical things can occur. I love having a small thing I’m committed to doing during my “breaks” whether it’s reading to a kid, having a snack or stretching series, or even tidying so that my environment stays the way I like it. You’ll get into a good rhythm that works for you.
4) Set a schedule you can stick to (even while enjoying flexibility).
I enjoy the freedom of a whole day of working from home (while mothering) but we all benefit from a bit of structure as well (the #1 reasons why bosses are wary of people working from home). So I suggest that based on the things you understand about your productive pockets, the overall schedule off the day, related to school schedule, or anything else, you craft some daily rhythms that help you stay on course. If you know you’ll always start your day with a block of email and communication, followed by your biggest project of the day (the meat of what you need to accomplish); I like to plan calls and zooms with clients/partners/collaborators for 12 or later, so I know that the first part of the day has been my own to really make things happen with. Later in the afternoon, I’ll come back to my computer for tying up loose ends, or communicating with folks about deliverables for the following day or scheduling out items for later in the week; it all depends on the work you do, but you’ll benefit from having a clear sense of what each part of the day holds. Plan your day with a loose structure that works, or your day will just simply slip away from you. Additionally, I always schedule things like down time, or exercise or self-care moments into my planner along side my work. That way I know I’m taking them equally seriously, so I can be at my best for the moments I’m in work mode
5) Focus on the big-picture.
On any given day, some of the challenges of juggling work while doing laundry, managing kids, seeing dishes in the sink or any number of other small work from home annoyances can get you feeling deflated. But keep a big picture perspective in mind. Having more control of your schedule and work does give you more joy & fulfillment in the long run, and also allows you to be more productive (less water cooler time or random interruptions from “drive by” coworkers)…plus, look at all that time you’re not spending exhausting yourself in a car or on public transportation. Even just getting back 30 min each way from commuting is 5 hours per week–that you can use to explore a new hobby, go on runs, or read, or be with your family more. Focusing on the big picture brings gratitude and the right perspective for the challenging moments.
Final note (may have learned this the hard way ;)): you’re happier if you set good boundaries about not working during the hours you want to be with family, doing other things, etc. Working from home does not equal working all the time, as many in our workaholic culture want to assume. You’re better off if you keep yourself disciplined with your “on” hours, and your “off ” hours, and your work and life will benefit greatly.
Silk blouse on top, for video meetings & podcasts, yoga pants on the bottom…
Cheers to working from home–with all the blessings and challenges…
it’s a great life indeed.
x ~maddy
Some fantastic reads related to these topics:
Feel like you need an accountability buddy or coach/cheerleader when establishing your work from home habits, whether working for yourself or someone else? Reach out and we can discuss my coaching packages, tailored to fit every need & budget & goal.
A few musings on the occasion of my 34th birthday…
1) you’re going to have to learn how to trust & lean into a bigger, better picture of your life. Controlling or planning all the details doesn’t always (ever) work, and instead just steals the joy and wonder of the journey. Lean into the unknown & watch beautiful things (better than your plans) unfold.
2) loving and living with your best friend in marriage will deepen your appreciation of life at every level, but is also going to take a lot of work. Yes absolutely you can wake up more grounded and in love 10 years from now, but to do that you’ll need to lean into every challenge and choose trust, hope, gratitude, growth.
3) 4 beautiful human beings will come into your life and absolutely change you, forever, in so many ways. Nothing can prepare you for this, but do everything that you can to stay open to the all the lessons & joy of those moments.
4) Your professional life will look radically different from what it does now, and nothing like a “standard” path. Lean out, whenever you need to, towards your family priorities and be overwhelmed with amazement at the opportunities and a new fulfilling balance that falls into place. Pursue what feels scary and exhilarating, with a heart ready to serve.
5) Listen to the longings of your heart. Unearth & explore them. They will continue leading you toward your ideal life—involving nature, vitality, family, simplicity, abundance.
6) Care for your physical & mental health as a top priority…you may even have to learn the hard way, but understand that radical self-care is for radical service. Never feel guilty about making health & optimal energy a priority—you can absolutely be stronger & healthier as a mother and in your next decade, with the right daily habits. You will also learn proper self love & acceptance through marriage and mothering…and while it won’t be easy, you can heal old unhealthy patterns around self image, and a beautiful freedom can emerge.
7) Choose courage & intuition (and the H.S.) over peoples’ understanding or approval. Build your confidence around saying no to things that aren’t serving you. Drop the guilt & experience real freedom.
8) Commit to personal growth, see challenges as opportunities, and journal daily so that your experiences and gratitude builds on each other, watch life unfold in all of its unexpected glory, and leave room in your heart for everyday miracles.
9) Gratitude first, pray alot, have fun everyday. The rest will take care of itself.
10) Find your deep worth in being rather than doing. This one is both a cliche and a great challenge. When you get closer to peace in who you are, rather than seeking affirmation in accomplishments or what you DO on any given day, then life gets lighter. More joy and flow arrive.
I wrote a similar post a year ago, and when I sat to write this, I enjoyed going back to it, remembering them (how little they seem now) and that special phase, that still somewhat felt like a blur, since we were still settling in after a big move—entering a new school and community, finding good rhythms in our new place we call home.
Some things I remember now (from that time)–Ambrose just under 1 and he was still waking a lot at night to feed, my brain and nervous system still felt in that postpartum fog a bit (any other mommas out there relate?)…and the girls were just young and BUSY. Not a bad thing, I just remember being wiped out each and every day, and welcoming my babysitter breaks and realizing I needed to uplevel my self-care game and my mental and home management habits & flow so that I wouldn’t feel on the edge so often, but could rather enjoy it more!
I began looking into ways to rest/reset more deeply and effectively (discovered reflexology , healed my adrenals during this time, so huge), and some exploring of new habits that led to many new, better rhythms for myself and our family by the spring. This deserves another post–coming soon…
Well, if you’d told me at that moment–that this time next year we’d be happily prepping to welcome #4, I would have said you were CRAZY:)
It wasn’t until the spring of 2018 that I turned and said to Joel one day… “I think we’re starting to really get the hang of this 3 kids thing”…ha. And now we’re preparing to have our worlds rocked, once again, and the beauty of it is that I truly can’t imagine it any other way.
A Year of Finding Balance, With and Through My Children
My word of the year for 2018 was Balance. How appropriate that we sought and found some new family rhythms to give us a beautiful sense of balance, and now in early 2019 we’ll adjust and shift and build on what we’ve learned. God’s timing is truly incredible, and I smile just knowing how much better life gets when I don’t try so hard to control the future, the timing of things, and everything in between. Anyone else working on that lesson (again, and again)?
I see how well the kids are maturing and adjusting and doing more for themselves and in their lives, even as the balance shifts again and my focus starts to be on prepping for the next one. I never cease to be amazed at how much kids are hard-wired to THRIVE–to seek out, grab, hold onto, to create the experiences, stimulation, relationships, etc., that most help them become themselves, and to be challenged and remain curious about their world…it’s a quality we all wish we had more of or held on to better as adults!
Photo by Laurie Wright Photography, 2018
Learning about Gentleness and Creative Introspection from Emma
So, diving into the 2018 Fall edition, I’ll start with Emma Lucia, my eldest. She turned 8 in August, and is thriving and being stretched by life in 3rd grade. Oh Emma, what a special spirit she is. I honestly pause at least once a day and marvel that she’s my daughter. Her heart is so sensitive and clued into the needs of others–when she was younger, she was more melancholic, but as she’s grown, she looks outside of herself and cares so deeply about what others are experiencing and going through.
She’s 8, which means fierce friendships and a growing sense of independence–she thrills when I give her responsibilities that stretch and challenge her (though better that we don’t call them chores:)), and at school I see her growing in leaps and bounds with the environment, academic challenges, and the tight knit (tiny class) social circle that she loves. She teaches me so much about seeing the world with wide eyed imagination, gentleness, thinking outside the box, caring deeply for others and always looking for that creative outlet.
She’s a great (gentle) ring leader of the other two, coming up with creative games that keep the younger two entertained, and playing elaborate lego and character games on her own. I don’t ever want her to grow up where she’s too old for that. She has a good sense of what it means to be having another baby coming soon, and she’s very excited and aware of how it will change things in the family.
I’m so grateful she’s in a lovely school– and has a pace of life and friendships–that are encouraging her to stay little, soak up these golden years of imaginative childhood…they really are so beautiful to watch through the eyes of a mother. And she challenges me to always leave room for imagination, creativity and gentle connectedness to others, as keys to beautiful days.
Learning about the Power of Grace and Passion from Corinne
Corinne–my firecracker. She’s the one who has given me the most gray hairs, the most “what am I doing wrong as a mother” moments, and yet our bond is fierce, and I see so much of myself in her (and a bunch of other traits), that I have to laugh as I’m learning to parent her–I’m hearing echoes of what I need to be told daily as well: “Lighten up, Corinne. Not everything can go just your way” and “Don’t get frustrated that it’s not perfect. Try again, embrace the process, and imperfection”…and so much more.
She’s 5, in kindergarten, and is just on top of the world. She’s the one who needed school (that wonderful stimulation) badly–and while we wondered how she would do transitioning to full days this year, she’s absolutely thriving, the center of her class social scene, adores her fun young teacher (who’s fashionable, which is very important to Corinne) and is just ready to explode with all the things she’s excited to be learning about and bringing home to show and tell me. She’s just beginning to unwrap the magical world of reading…with fierce pride in herself.
I will never ever tire of seeing her attack a playground, and jump, swing, flip, twirl, and use every aspect of it to her heart’s delight. That’s my 5 year old Corinne! She’s been doing a gymnastics class, and it’s the perfect environment for her to push herself physically, and have fun…it reminds me a lot about why I love running, and yoga, and fitness in general…that sheer focus and her determination to do better than she did yesterday (not competing against others–yet–but against her own definition of where she wants to be).
I learn from her (and she from me) about how to channel our energies, engage them well (think leadership, as opposed to bossiness, and gymnastics, as opposed to tearing up my home ;)). She’s the one that is the most surprisingly tender to me even in the midst of her whirlwind energy, and is always thinking of sweet things for me “and the baby.” We have the sweetest conversations when I put her to bed, and her mind is just exploding with the possibilities of life and her place in it.
I want to say she’s changed the most in the past year, but I think it’s really just about coming into her own: she’s embracing the best parts of who she wants to be, and leaving behind some of the dangerously obstinate habits of toddler-hood. “Though she be but little, she is fierce!” I want her to retain that always, in pursuit of the good, true and beautiful.
Photo by Laurie Wright Photography, 2018
Learning about Curiosity and Playfulness from Ambrose
Ambrose–-oh my lover boy. The one who made me a blessed and happy boy mom (now getting ready to welcome another boy). His tenderness to me, his silliness and sense of humor, how he’s navigating all the big changes of his little life, I’m just marveling at it daily, and loving every minute with him. He teaches me so much about approaching all aspects of life with enthusiasm and a grin.
The other night when we are scurrying around doing bedtime things with Corinne, I see him grab his little board book and jump into my bed next to Emma who’s doing her reading there. He cuddles up and then yells out to me in the hallway—“I’m happy!!” That sums him up pretty well, just that sunny good natured guy who brings out all the doting qualities from all of us.
The year between 1 and 2 is really when so much happens for them, they go from being little babies needing so much, to super independent, and this guy handled it with grace and agility.
Much more than my other girls were (that I remember), he’s super inquisitive and always asking “What’s that” “Where are we?”, “Why…?” His brain is hardwired to connect the dots between things and that, along with his very tidy habits (my pride and joy–-he’s always cleaning up his messes without prompting, using his mini cleaning set, or picking up after he’s done, etc.) makes me think he could have a future as an engineer (like his grandfather) or something that requires attention to detail/organization, and lots of asking “why does this work this way?”
He’s my nature lover boy, who’s always trying to play with bugs, run outside with his boots on, and just explore…and on hikes, he fiercely keeps up with rigorous climbs and will go for a mile or more just powering away, excited about what’s up ahead. I’ve LOVED these fall days with him, as a special transition moment, knowing that in the new year, things will shift again, and he’ll give up his position as youngest…but he’ll always be my baby boy, and he has his dad wrapped around his finger, which is wonderful to watch.
He teaches me so much about loving life and taking things as they come. He reminds me how important it is to just PLAY, and use our energy on things that make us happy.
Photo by Laurie Wright Photography, 2018
Learning about Trust and the Unique Gift of Each Life from My Sneaky Pete
My little bump dweller, “Sneaky Pete,” as we like to call him, rounding us out to 2 girls, 2 boys. This guy sure has taught me A LOT so far, for being so little, but it’s been quite an exciting journey with him, and I’d say primarily it’s about trust in God, joy and gratitude for the lives we get to connect with, touch, and bring into this world. There’s some very very special reason that he’s here, that he exists–so I’m eager to witness and see just what that could be.
And he’s been SO good and easy on his momma so far (let’s keep that up), and I just marvel at it all, all over again (but more deeply perhaps). I’ve been really intentionally journaling almost daily with this pregnancy, and really letting this little guy and our experiences together shape my thoughts, my work, what I’m focused on, there’s so much richness there, in terms of lessons and learning to really become aware of the process, of how much these weeks, each week, changes us.
Maybe you’ve heard it said that every child a woman carries leaves some of their own DNA in her? We as mothers are literally, and in so many facets, never ever going to be the same, thanks to the babies we carry or have carried.
Now that we’re at the point (34 weeks) that he could survive outside the womb just fine (though let’s not get any ideas of coming early) it’s just mind blowing to me, just how much development takes place in these early weeks, and how lucky we are to be witnesses to it, as parents, from day 1. It still feels surreal, but amazing, that in 6 weeks we’ll have another little one fully part of our home and family.
I have no doubt I’ll be writing more updates soon on this little one, but so far, he’s as go with the flow as they come, and genuinely brings such an edge of joy to my life and awareness, he’s reminding me just how much ALL in life is gift, sometimes God’s ways are much better than our ways (well, always!), and how good things lead to more and more and more good things–abundance of blessings follows when we trust and relinquish control.
His presence also reminds me, yet again, how important self-care is as mothers–caring for self and caring for other are the same/inextricably linked in this beautiful phase, and I am grateful some of these lessons have sunk in over the past 8 years, even as I learn new ones, that are appropriate for this season.
Photo by Laurie Wright Photography, 2018
So that’s it, the 2018 recap on life-lessons from my kids…
I love their spirit and this moment above, it captures perfectly their wild and free hearts, ready to take on adventure and risk as it comes to them—alive to the world, to life and it’s blessings, just committed to thriving. We all have so much to learn from the children in our lives–our own, and others!
And here’s the recap from last year to enjoy/compare. I LOVE seeing the growth, as much in my perspective, as in each of them.
“You can optimize your overall energy quotient in life if you choose to. And perhaps this is our ultimate duty since our vibrancy ultimately dictates how we work, love, move, worship, relate and lead…Make improving your energy a commitment…Choose to bring joy to your everyday life experience.”
-Brendon Burchard
from his chapter “Generate Energy” in High Performance Habits.
Friends. This topic is quite close to my heart. I have, from 6 years ago, gone from being someone who really had no familiarity with concepts of self-care, or if pressed, might have said “that sounds selfish,” or “I’m too stressed/busy/hustling to care about all of that”…to being a huge advocate for it.
Rightly understood, self-care is proper management of our natural resources: making sure we have energy, mental stamina and proper personal resources to undertake and do well the things that are our callings, our daily work. It’s about being aware of what we need to do to be our best, and then doing it, daily. We mostly realize when it’s lacking and we head towards the cliff of “burnout” whether in a career setting, or as a mom who’s stretched too thin, or in having frayed relationships, feeling stuck, unable to keep up the current pace, depression, exhaustion—it’s a bleak but very real list.
Been there.
I let myself get there when I had one little beautiful sweetheart (Emma was 1 ½ years old) and a very demanding career. I struggled in the tension between being the kind of mother I wanted to be, and being all-in for my work, which kept me on urgent deadlines at all hours, and enduring long commutes the 3 days a week that I went into the office.
I was taking on more than I could handle and felt myself splitting apart, but didn’t know how to say NO, or where, or how to make life re-balance. I certainly wasn’t saying “yes” to the kind of strong personal habits that are needed when life is crazy busy. Getting by on caffeine and a prayer only lasts for so long….
Well, God allowed some big things to change, fast, to wake me up to the reality that things needed to change, for our family. And it had to start with me.
That story has been told more fully elsewhere, and it’s on the about page of this site because it’s the true seed of hope and energy that led to this work and this humble online home.
I had to start from square one with managing my stress levels, taking care of my health, learning about what filled me up and made me happy, taking time for myself without feeling guilty when it might be time away from my little one/ones…I’m proud to be a continued work in progress.
Fast forward to last summer, 2017. I had 3 happy and busy kids under 7. Ambrose was 7 months old when we did a big move, and then it was summertime and I was knee-deep in postpartum life, in trying to create new household rhythms that worked, keeping him on a great napping schedule (thank God, but how to keep the toddler sister out of his room?) and 2 fun amazing busy little ladies who were bottomless pits of summer fun and begging for crafts, swimming, playdates, all of it.
Needless to say, I began to be stretched a little thin. I realized, that even with my strong habits of self care, sometimes the summer months can just demand more of us: kids stay up later, we might try to fill the days full, or depending on what you do, different kid’s schedules, more work travel perhaps, or more social engagements and weekend travel. What starts as fun “sleeping in, no routines, let’s play all day or do summer stuff!” turns into endless hours of un-managed and therefore sometimes challenging time. The question at the end of it all is whether you feel recharged, rested and fulfilled.
And that’s when I learned that summer is a great time to try out new habits—to see what supports you best.
5:30am workouts to get out of the house and sweat long before the kids are awake? Worth a try as the sun rises. Evening walks as a family, or alone? Weekend routines shifted to prioritize different healthy habits? The time is there.
And because travel throws fun mayhem into schedules, it’s wonderful to challenge yourself to find and stick with simple habits that support your mental, physical, spiritual health, that are also flexible to work with a vacation or varied schedule. That could be as simple as keeping yourself energized and at your best with your on-the-go supplement routine (my go-to for travels), a daily kombucha, healthy snacks, etc.
Whatever it is that you’re up to, I’m sure your summer is a departure from routines, and sometimes that can leave us lacking in the basics of: regular exercise, eating well (does sangria count as a fruit serving?🤣), and getting appropriate down-time and moments to truly recharge. (You know when folks complain about needing a vacation after vacation? What’s that about…? Could it be poor planning or not being clear on how best to spend those hours of vacay?).
So, what can we do to create strong, positive and appropriate summer self-care routines?
To start with, it’s good to look at the overall goals, priorities and daily schedule that would be ideal for you. Who needs you at your best (besides you!) and how do you create that? How do you use the days well, when the hours can be so fluid? What should we say NO to, as well as what do we say YES to?
Perhaps it’s getting up earlier, with the sun, for a walk or workout. Perhaps it’s actually getting to some of those books on your reading list from January, the ones from New Year’s resolution “read more” season. Perhaps it’s about intentional social time, more mindful (seasonal) shopping and eating, or any number of things that you know will help bring more balance and joy to your every day.
I asked a wonderful group of holistic minded and wise mommas to speak up about their thoughts on good summer self care habits. Yes, these are geared to motherhood but I think the kernels of them apply well to all walks of life. Moms/parents might just need/get an extra intense dose of self-care to go along with summer parenting, along with a side of stress relief.
These mommas spoke about:
*Daily walks. With or without babies/kids especially in the morning hours (makes sense, as it sets our mental and physical energy for the day to get out and move).
*Intentional social time. With longer days and more open schedules, it can be easier sometimes to coordinate park play dates, pool gatherings, BBQs, cocktail nights, or beach/lake hangouts (can you tell what my priorities are?:).
These can be truly rejuvenating in so many ways. But, they can also be wearing in large amounts//no time limits (what am I saying, recovering extrovert that I am?) so be wise about scheduling 1-2 big socials thing per day, and perhaps build in recharge time in between.
*Rest/quiet. Another wonderful recurring theme that reinforced what I have come to realize my little tribe needs: siesta hour. In the hottest part of the day, slow the pace, be indoors or someplace cool, reading, napping, resting, quiet. In my opinion we should embrace siestas as a cultural norm, and just let people go home/relax/power nap/read/change their pace. As all the research pours in, those down times and key rest moments make us MORE productive when we’re working and better focused in going about our life.
Here’s an example of what my ideal Siesta time looks like:
Easy and delicious salad (from a whole foods kit, no guilt when you’re busy). Girls are currently resting/reading/approved screen time…and Ambrose is napping. I’m reading something that is supportive to my overall life (High Performance Habits). Fun/free reading like novels are great too, I just tend to save those for evening when I’m winding down in bed. OK, and sometimes I power nap too, leaving dishes and laundry for other appropriate moments of the day–this is about recharging by body, mind and spirit so I can mother well the rest of the afternoon.
What are the habits that make your summer days wonderful, restful and meaningful? I hope you’ll take a moment to share in the comments so that others can be encouraged and inspired. Some of the best of these we can take with us into the fall.
Here are a few more that have served me well—I add to the list often because you can’t have too many good habits, right?
*Books that expand your personal vision and help develop certain parts of you—this is the time to expand, explore, imagine what a life could look like where you’re even more content and happy—check out this list for starters and share your favorite summer inspiration reads!
I like this as a battle cry for summer, as well as wonderful late August reading.
*Embracing local eating. Just the very process of heading to a farmers’ market, or a local farmstand, or wherever you’ll get those seasonal fruits and veggies is so exhilarating (ok, just me?) and makes our bodies hum at another level! Even if it’s seeking out farm-to-table dining when eating out. It’s so rewarding to experience the richest tastes and flavors of your local season. We did our own garden for the 2nd year in a row, and that was a game changer for me—garden care became self-care in a way as we adjusted to, appreciated and worked with the rhythms of growing things, that would then ultimately land on our table. (Our garden process is getting its own post very soon.) Let me know below if you find seasonal eating supports your overall vibrancy and rhythms.
*Quiet/reflection time in power spots and nature. I love having a beautiful spot connected to nature (this year I hauled the porch furniture out to be in the grass with yard views all around and grass between my toes). Once a day if possible, head to this spot—a blanket in nature? A hike? A local beach or lake?—See if you can unplug and soak up the beauty and the tranquility that’s offered. It’s actually become a known game changer in the struggle against anxiety that we’re facing as life gets faster and faster as a culture. This article shares a powerful take on that “call to nature” we all feel and are ready to respond to.
*Unplug. Yes, this is a tough one at times but so crucial for our mental habits! It could be a screen free day each week, or just building in stricter time limits for yourself. I developed better night time habits very intentionally early in the summer: airplane mode after 10pm (latest, sometimes earlier), no phone in the bedroom which can lead to endless scrolling and connecting at all hours. In the morning, do some meaningful, productive and positive things (see miracle morning post from last summer here) before getting onto social media and email.
Turns out this is more than just self-care—these are habits for ideal performance, and mental thriving.
*More sleep. Another great one that is looked down on in our “hustle more”/workaholic society—-give yourself permission, guilt free, to get an extra hour of sleep during the summer nights…you may be amazed what a difference it makes, and how energized you feel when waking up with the sun, after a full night sleep. Research shows just how bad the sleep deprivation has become in our society—we’re all able to reverse that in our own lives—and create a ripple effect of rested, happier, people. Have you tried this?
Brendon Burchard really challenged me on this front in his book High Performance Habits, and since working on getting into bed earlier to read and wind down, I’ve experienced incredible improvements in sleep quality, enjoyment of my evening reading (because I’m not on the brink of exhaustion when I start), and incredible morning energy when rising with the light/sunshine. Is it possible this sworn night owl is fully transforming into a morning person? It remains to be seen, but it’s been a fun transition for the season and I love how things have shifted for me in terms of morning routines as well.
Even on days you can’t sleep more, this simple restorative yoga posture will reset your circadian rhythms and is the equivalent of a 2 hour nap for your nervous system–I often end up in this posture in my son’s bedroom while he falls asleep peacefully in his crib–it’s a moment to meditate, reflect with gratitude on the day, etc. Sometimes, self-care is snuck into the most normal of moments, and that’s what makes it a effective and life-changing.
*Detox bath or shower. Sometimes, as a parent, the idea of being left alone for 20 minutes is just blissful. Heck, for any of us who are bombarded with communication 24/7. So leave the phone aside, grab a book, and take a epsom salt bath (or herbal steam shower—no book obvs) in the evenings (add baking soda if you’re wanting to detox well from the radiation exposure that happens on flights—it’s a real thing and my husband’s cool client is to be credited for turning us onto it)…throw in some lavender, orange or other calming essential oils, and you’re sure to be in a different mental/emotional state when you finish.
*Schedule things that make you happy—at least once a week. It doesn’t have to be just a trip to the salon (those are always great!)—but find the things that really light you up, make a list, and make them happen. For me, it’s exploring new places/towns with my kids, or sitting in new settings (coffee shops, book stores), running, coffee with a friend…whatever it is, it doesn’t have to be a caribbean vacation for it to totally change your perspective on life and the week. Anticipating these can be almost half the enjoyment! Evening yoga classes are one such juicy treat for me—when I get to do mindful movement and relinquish one dinner/bath/bedtime…it’s the little things, right?
And for those who aren’t parents—-just take an evening out of your normal routine and you’ll be amazed at how fun it is. Picnic in the park with a concert, evening walk, it’s all available to us.
As I was reflecting on and working on this article (trying to really live it myself this summer, in the midst of travels, full weeks and more)…I came to connect with another awesome current read—the classic book on FLOW—this idea of a flow state. It’s something desirable that we’re all eager to connect with, and we feel it’s linked to our happiness. Well, I believe that self-care habits that bring our vibrancy and joy up daily are a part of tapping into this flow—whether in work, vocation, parenting, living. Here’s a fun quote that may get you thinking, and I encourage you to check out the book as well!
“How we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depends directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experience. Whether we are happy depends on inner harmony, not on the controls we are able to exert over the great forces of the universe…”
-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, FLOW “The psychology of optimal experience”
And to this end, the way in which we’re able to create valuable self-care habits—can change and improve our experiences of our lives, our relationships, the ways we’re called to share our talents and serve, the purpose of existence, and more, all from starting with what we’re given—the energy and ability to design our days. It’s a hint of that Flow state that is so desirable, when we understand that happiness comes from being connected to a larger purpose and energy, rather than any singular experience or material good.
Does this all fit well together for you? Or bring up important questions?
I’m curious to hear your thoughts, as we all explore these topics together—the philosophy behind why it matters, and the practical habits that make our days flow.
Stay tuned for a super fun #septemberselfcare challenge we’re launching for all of you!
Click above (top of page) to join my email list so you don’t miss the announcements…and contact me below if you want to consider a 20 min free health & self-care assessment with yours truly, as we head into a new season…or take thisquick health quiz here and we’ll connect about your goals and personalized quiz results!
I live in gratitude for you and the examples you set for me. Self-care is not selfish, it’s how we give our best. Radical self-care for radical service is a motto that came to me a few years back and just suits how I’ve come to understand this topic. Just ask Mother Teresa why in her daily schedule for her sisters, she builds in ample moments for their meals, their prayer, their midday rest in addition to their hours out caring for the poor and sick. That’s a beautiful example to follow, and I’m challenged daily to find that proper rhythm for myself…so everyone in my life can also benefit.
