fbpx

Finding Flow…in 2020

Today I want to talk about FLOW.

That elusive and desired state. Many of us don’t know how to achieve it, but we know when it’s happening, that those are the memorable moments of life that often put everything else into perspective. 
The other day, I was on an evening walk, by myself, gathering my thoughts and sanity after a long week. I stumbled upon a new trail, that I had never seen before. We all know the feeling–of excitement, when encountering & embarking on something new. It feels safe (there’s a trail)…but also a bit wild–we don’t know what’s around the corner or on the other side of the hill. I realized how important it us to have those kinds of experiences, especially now in this strange time, when we can often vacillate too strongly to the extremes of anxiety (lack of control), to boredom (lack of interest)…Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi talks about this in his book FLOW…that the flow state falls in between the 2, like this chart shows.

FLOW moments are an interesting balance between challenge & ease, anxiety & boredom, stretching us, at the same time as allowing us to feel at peace, capable, and with the skills needed to tackle what’s ahead–even as we know we’ll have to learn new skills.

Learning how to lean towards & create the flow state more often, can literally change our lives and our contributions. 
 
Artists experience flow when working on their art, fully engrossed in it (forgetting to eat or sleep). Cooks can experience it, if cooking is a creative outlet for them (it is for me!). And athletes often experience it, in their enjoyment of their sport. 

I have a few modules in my life design course on these topics, and one of my goals for those taking the course is to experience more flow in their daily life, since they’ve honed the tools and the mindset & understand how to harness their intentions, energy, mindset, and thus make it possible to experience FLOW more often. What would that look like for you?

If you’re ready for a life of more FLOW, more contentment, more fulfillment in your everyday, and more tools to be able to achieve a flow state often, join us for life design, spring edition. It’s time to write your own life design story.

Want to be kept in the loop when the life design course is re-opening? (Fall 2020?) Just jump into our community here.

10 things I might say to my 10 years younger self…

A few musings on the occasion of my 34th birthday…

1) you’re going to have to learn how to trust & lean into a bigger, better picture of your life. Controlling or planning all the details doesn’t always (ever) work, and instead just steals the joy and wonder of the journey. Lean into the unknown & watch beautiful things (better than your plans) unfold.

 
2) loving and living with your best friend in marriage will deepen your appreciation of life at every level, but is also going to take a lot of work. Yes absolutely you can wake up more grounded and in love 10 years from now, but to do that you’ll need to lean into every challenge and choose trust, hope, gratitude, growth. 


3) 4 beautiful human beings will come into your life and absolutely change you, forever, in so many ways. Nothing can prepare you for this, but do everything that you can to stay open to the all the lessons & joy of those moments.


4) Your professional life will look radically different from what it does now, and nothing like a “standard” path. Lean out, whenever you need to, towards your family priorities and be overwhelmed with amazement at the opportunities and a new fulfilling balance that falls into place. Pursue what feels scary and exhilarating, with a heart ready to serve. 


5) Listen to the longings of your heart. Unearth & explore them. They will continue leading you toward your ideal life—involving nature, vitality, family, simplicity, abundance. 


6) Care for your physical & mental health as a top priority…you may even have to learn the hard way, but understand that radical self-care is for radical service. Never feel guilty about making health & optimal energy a priority—you can absolutely be stronger & healthier as a mother and in your next decade, with the right daily habits. You will also learn proper self love & acceptance through marriage and mothering…and while it won’t be easy, you can heal old unhealthy patterns around self image, and a beautiful freedom can emerge.


7) Choose courage & intuition (and the H.S.) over peoples’ understanding or approval. Build your confidence around saying no to things that aren’t serving you. Drop the guilt & experience real freedom.


8) Commit to personal growth, see challenges as opportunities, and journal daily so that your experiences and gratitude builds on each other, watch life unfold in all of its unexpected glory, and leave room in your heart for everyday miracles.


9) Gratitude first, pray alot, have fun everyday. The rest will take care of itself.


10) Find your deep worth in being rather than doing. This one is both a cliche and a great challenge. When you get closer to peace in who you are, rather than seeking affirmation in accomplishments or what you DO on any given day, then life gets lighter. More joy and flow arrive. 

Now, what’s one thing you would say to your 10 years younger self? 
#birthdaymusings #thisis34

Life lessons my children are teaching me right now

Oh my goodness.

This moment in time is one I want to remember for many many years to come. My 3 littles are these incredibly beautiful, blossoming ages, and I just am blown away by all that they are doing, becoming, and how much they are showing me about life, and the many facets of what it means to be alive, and to be in the present moment, while embracing growth. So much is learned from these simple, beautiful, un-tamed hearts. Sure, they make me crazy and some days, exhausted, but I decided for this post to share with you my focus on the incredible lessons that they are teaching me, and for myself, so that it sinks in deeply and I can treasure these lessons for what they are…beautiful gifts from God, who is always putting the people in our lives (literally, plopped into my body and heart) to teach us needed lessons about life and love, and becoming more of who we are truly meant to be.

Emma L. Pidel

My eldest girl, my absolute joy, she’s a ray of warmth and lightness and is so sensitive to beauty, to others, to sadness, she’s like a beautiful wildflower, growing in the sun, but delicately battered by rain. I remember even as a baby, how sensitive she was to the world around her, and that challenged and stretched me at the time, and it continues to! She’s never happier than when creating–primarily with color and paper (art of any media) but also now with writing; her stories, imaginary games and worlds become the focus of the other children, and we all get swept up into them, so powerful is her imagination and her desire to make it real.

The other day she said to me, coming from out of the blue, or perhaps when I was brushing off something that had happened in the midst of a busy moment…”Mom. but it’s OK to feel sad. You can’t just be happy and feel positive all the time.” Those words hit deeply with me and I realized that she needed to see another side of me from time to time. She knows that I have my down moments, as we all do, and she was encouraging me to let that be part of my mothering, rather than putting on a good face and mustering along. What wisdom of spirit! And that vulnerability chosen as strength is where Emma so excels, and where she teaches me so much. She may be little (she’s always been one of the most petite ladies for her age) but she shines so brightly due to her generosity and her desire to expand other’s hearts and their deep joy–all while telling them (and us)–it’s OK, you don’t have to be happy all the time…that’s not how life works. Her melancholic understanding of life coupled with her trained optimism that we’re always working on, is something that inspires me daily, and that I know will richly bless so many others.

Corinne E. Pidel

Oh, my spitfire. Every since she popped into the world on July 5th, weighing in at 9lbs 12 oz, my little firecracker has been making sure that people notice her in every way, every day. Sometimes, that takes ugly temper-tantrum on the sidewalks form, but other times it means she runs into her school and her entire class comes and hovers around her, eager to hear what she has to say, and to follow her around (I kid you not). We’re always working on the leadership side of things and channeling all that CEO mentality she’s already got bottled up inside her. Believe me, she wants to, and probably could run the household for a day if I let her…and I’m tempted but I know in just a few years she’ll be such a brilliant lady to have on my team, so we’re always navigating the sources of power, in all ways large and small. She teachers me, with her fiercely beautiful stubborn streak, that we should STAND UP and fight for what matters to us, large or small, and to know deep down what it is that we want, and what we are about in the world.

She has a piercing sense of fairness and the need to keep agreements in place, so I watch, and marvel, as this little human navigates all the people, situations and environments that she has in front of her. She takes risks whenever possible–OK, sounds like someone else we know. But her enthusiasm and confidence are at such heights when she’s flipping on the playground or trampolining across my living room on these winter eves–she truly marvelously pushes herself to go further, faster, harder, and boy, don’t we all need a little bit of that drive and energy sometimes? Since she has a tender heart under her tougher exterior, I learn much from her about finding little ways and opportunities to let love shine through; it’s not going to look the same for all of us; and in her case, sometimes love looks like laying down clear boundaries and even a few rules, with much explanation of course.

She’s finding her way with full force, and I am so humbled that I get to be her mommy and learn so much patience, trust and peace along the way. Being 4 and trying to understand all that life throws at us is TOUGH. In fact, it’s tough no matter what the age. We can’t always just lay down and have a good cry, but being OK with that reality and the mystery of our power to shape our existence, is certainly always something to grapple with. She’s taught me this, and so, so so much more.

I have no doubt she’ll be a CEO, or running her own company, or non-profit, or doing some other such incredible things some day, and I’ll look back and smile and chuckle over all those moments when she lost it because she couldn’t understand why she wasn’t in charge of the whole show at age 4.

Ambrose. J.T. Pidel

Oh, my babe. I start to tear up when I rock him for his naps and think about the fact that he’s growing up, he doesn’t really need me in the way that he used to, a year ago. This year has been SUCH a gift and he’s taught me some incredible lessons. His gentle, loving, upbeat and fun personality is contagious-how he is in turn affects his sisters and their moods, and it affects me.

He’s constantly smiling at us to get us to smile back, and he now has this sweet trick where he’ll come running over and pull on me until I sit and cozy up with him on the couch, and he’ll sit contentedly in my lap, chatting away and telling me (in gibberish) everything that he’s thinking about, complete with serious facial expressions and chuckles. He’s teaching me, with his absolutely fearless and fierce nature, to push ahead towards the things that are beyond me reach just yet, or are hard for me. That’s how we learn, that’s how we grow.

Seeing him tackle obstacles like the nearest chair, or navigating getting down a flight of stairs (hint; It ends well), he does so smiling widely, and when he falls, he just grins and goes right back at it. Isn’t that all that many of us can aspire to be like, failing forward and seeing the bumps and bruises of life, as a sign that we’re on the right path and we’re learning, it’s not supposed to be perfect and seemly, and together all the time. And his sweet fascination with literally everything that comes across his path or sight reminds me to dive in more deeply to understand  how something works and why it came to be. He reminds me that I love phemonelogy for this reason…the power of experiencing an object and the joy, suprrise and all that it gives.

He’s teaching me to love and give second chances no matter what history is there (with his sisters rough housing him) and his beautiful wide open approach to welcoming the new day—running off to explore something new with sheer delight at being alive. Yes, I’m learning so much from him too, and it’s all so wonderful to watch unfold.

These children, grace and hope are abundant in their spirits, may they always live the deep and bright mysteries of the present moment, as they are doing now. I’m so humbled and truly lucky to be their mother, and as much as I wake up and pray for the wisdom to guide and form them, they are teaching me lessons that are sinking deeply into my core and changing me.