That elusive and desired state. Many of us don’t know how to achieve it, but we know when it’s happening, that those are the memorable moments of life that often put everything else into perspective. The other day, I was on an evening walk, by myself, gathering my thoughts and sanity after a long week. I stumbled upon a new trail, that I had never seen before. We all know the feeling–of excitement, when encountering & embarking on something new. It feels safe (there’s a trail)…but also a bit wild–we don’t know what’s around the corner or on the other side of the hill. I realized how important it us to have those kinds of experiences, especially now in this strange time, when we can often vacillate too strongly to the extremes of anxiety (lack of control), to boredom (lack of interest)…Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi talks about this in his book FLOW…that the flow state falls in between the 2, like this chart shows.
FLOW moments are an interesting balance between challenge & ease, anxiety & boredom, stretching us, at the same time as allowing us to feel at peace, capable, and with the skills needed to tackle what’s ahead–even as we know we’ll have to learn new skills.
Learning how to lean towards & create the flow state more often, can literally change our lives and our contributions.
Artists experience flow when working on their art, fully engrossed in it (forgetting to eat or sleep). Cooks can experience it, if cooking is a creative outlet for them (it is for me!). And athletes often experience it, in their enjoyment of their sport.
I have a few modules in my life design course on these topics, and one of my goals for those taking the course is to experience more flow in their daily life, since they’ve honed the tools and the mindset & understand how to harness their intentions, energy, mindset, and thus make it possible to experience FLOW more often. What would that look like for you?
If you’re ready for a life of more FLOW, more contentment, more fulfillment in your everyday, and more tools to be able to achieve a flow state often, join us for life design, spring edition. It’s time to write your own life design story.
Want to be kept in the loop when the life design course is re-opening? (Fall 2020?) Just jump into our community here.
A few musings on the occasion of my 34th birthday…
1) you’re going to have to learn how to trust & lean into a bigger, better picture of your life. Controlling or planning all the details doesn’t always (ever) work, and instead just steals the joy and wonder of the journey. Lean into the unknown & watch beautiful things (better than your plans) unfold.
2) loving and living with your best friend in marriage will deepen your appreciation of life at every level, but is also going to take a lot of work. Yes absolutely you can wake up more grounded and in love 10 years from now, but to do that you’ll need to lean into every challenge and choose trust, hope, gratitude, growth.
3) 4 beautiful human beings will come into your life and absolutely change you, forever, in so many ways. Nothing can prepare you for this, but do everything that you can to stay open to the all the lessons & joy of those moments.
4) Your professional life will look radically different from what it does now, and nothing like a “standard” path. Lean out, whenever you need to, towards your family priorities and be overwhelmed with amazement at the opportunities and a new fulfilling balance that falls into place. Pursue what feels scary and exhilarating, with a heart ready to serve.
5) Listen to the longings of your heart. Unearth & explore them. They will continue leading you toward your ideal life—involving nature, vitality, family, simplicity, abundance.
6) Care for your physical & mental health as a top priority…you may even have to learn the hard way, but understand that radical self-care is for radical service. Never feel guilty about making health & optimal energy a priority—you can absolutely be stronger & healthier as a mother and in your next decade, with the right daily habits. You will also learn proper self love & acceptance through marriage and mothering…and while it won’t be easy, you can heal old unhealthy patterns around self image, and a beautiful freedom can emerge.
7) Choose courage & intuition (and the H.S.) over peoples’ understanding or approval. Build your confidence around saying no to things that aren’t serving you. Drop the guilt & experience real freedom.
8) Commit to personal growth, see challenges as opportunities, and journal daily so that your experiences and gratitude builds on each other, watch life unfold in all of its unexpected glory, and leave room in your heart for everyday miracles.
9) Gratitude first, pray alot, have fun everyday. The rest will take care of itself.
10) Find your deep worth in being rather than doing. This one is both a cliche and a great challenge. When you get closer to peace in who you are, rather than seeking affirmation in accomplishments or what you DO on any given day, then life gets lighter. More joy and flow arrive.
I wrote a similar post a year ago, and when I sat to write this, I enjoyed going back to it, remembering them (how little they seem now) and that special phase, that still somewhat felt like a blur, since we were still settling in after a big move—entering a new school and community, finding good rhythms in our new place we call home.
Some things I remember now (from that time)–Ambrose just under 1 and he was still waking a lot at night to feed, my brain and nervous system still felt in that postpartum fog a bit (any other mommas out there relate?)…and the girls were just young and BUSY. Not a bad thing, I just remember being wiped out each and every day, and welcoming my babysitter breaks and realizing I needed to uplevel my self-care game and my mental and home management habits & flow so that I wouldn’t feel on the edge so often, but could rather enjoy it more!
I began looking into ways to rest/reset more deeply and effectively (discovered reflexology , healed my adrenals during this time, so huge), and some exploring of new habits that led to many new, better rhythms for myself and our family by the spring. This deserves another post–coming soon…
Well, if you’d told me at that moment–that this time next year we’d be happily prepping to welcome #4, I would have said you were CRAZY:)
It wasn’t until the spring of 2018 that I turned and said to Joel one day… “I think we’re starting to really get the hang of this 3 kids thing”…ha. And now we’re preparing to have our worlds rocked, once again, and the beauty of it is that I truly can’t imagine it any other way.
A Year of Finding Balance, With and Through My Children
My word of the year for 2018 was Balance. How appropriate that we sought and found some new family rhythms to give us a beautiful sense of balance, and now in early 2019 we’ll adjust and shift and build on what we’ve learned. God’s timing is truly incredible, and I smile just knowing how much better life gets when I don’t try so hard to control the future, the timing of things, and everything in between. Anyone else working on that lesson (again, and again)?
I see how well the kids are maturing and adjusting and doing more for themselves and in their lives, even as the balance shifts again and my focus starts to be on prepping for the next one. I never cease to be amazed at how much kids are hard-wired to THRIVE–to seek out, grab, hold onto, to create the experiences, stimulation, relationships, etc., that most help them become themselves, and to be challenged and remain curious about their world…it’s a quality we all wish we had more of or held on to better as adults!
Photo by Laurie Wright Photography, 2018
Learning about Gentleness and Creative Introspection from Emma
So, diving into the 2018 Fall edition, I’ll start with Emma Lucia, my eldest. She turned 8 in August, and is thriving and being stretched by life in 3rd grade. Oh Emma, what a special spirit she is. I honestly pause at least once a day and marvel that she’s my daughter. Her heart is so sensitive and clued into the needs of others–when she was younger, she was more melancholic, but as she’s grown, she looks outside of herself and cares so deeply about what others are experiencing and going through.
She’s 8, which means fierce friendships and a growing sense of independence–she thrills when I give her responsibilities that stretch and challenge her (though better that we don’t call them chores:)), and at school I see her growing in leaps and bounds with the environment, academic challenges, and the tight knit (tiny class) social circle that she loves. She teaches me so much about seeing the world with wide eyed imagination, gentleness, thinking outside the box, caring deeply for others and always looking for that creative outlet.
She’s a great (gentle) ring leader of the other two, coming up with creative games that keep the younger two entertained, and playing elaborate lego and character games on her own. I don’t ever want her to grow up where she’s too old for that. She has a good sense of what it means to be having another baby coming soon, and she’s very excited and aware of how it will change things in the family.
I’m so grateful she’s in a lovely school– and has a pace of life and friendships–that are encouraging her to stay little, soak up these golden years of imaginative childhood…they really are so beautiful to watch through the eyes of a mother. And she challenges me to always leave room for imagination, creativity and gentle connectedness to others, as keys to beautiful days.
Learning about the Power of Grace and Passion from Corinne
Corinne–my firecracker. She’s the one who has given me the most gray hairs, the most “what am I doing wrong as a mother” moments, and yet our bond is fierce, and I see so much of myself in her (and a bunch of other traits), that I have to laugh as I’m learning to parent her–I’m hearing echoes of what I need to be told daily as well: “Lighten up, Corinne. Not everything can go just your way” and “Don’t get frustrated that it’s not perfect. Try again, embrace the process, and imperfection”…and so much more.
She’s 5, in kindergarten, and is just on top of the world. She’s the one who needed school (that wonderful stimulation) badly–and while we wondered how she would do transitioning to full days this year, she’s absolutely thriving, the center of her class social scene, adores her fun young teacher (who’s fashionable, which is very important to Corinne) and is just ready to explode with all the things she’s excited to be learning about and bringing home to show and tell me. She’s just beginning to unwrap the magical world of reading…with fierce pride in herself.
I will never ever tire of seeing her attack a playground, and jump, swing, flip, twirl, and use every aspect of it to her heart’s delight. That’s my 5 year old Corinne! She’s been doing a gymnastics class, and it’s the perfect environment for her to push herself physically, and have fun…it reminds me a lot about why I love running, and yoga, and fitness in general…that sheer focus and her determination to do better than she did yesterday (not competing against others–yet–but against her own definition of where she wants to be).
I learn from her (and she from me) about how to channel our energies, engage them well (think leadership, as opposed to bossiness, and gymnastics, as opposed to tearing up my home ;)). She’s the one that is the most surprisingly tender to me even in the midst of her whirlwind energy, and is always thinking of sweet things for me “and the baby.” We have the sweetest conversations when I put her to bed, and her mind is just exploding with the possibilities of life and her place in it.
I want to say she’s changed the most in the past year, but I think it’s really just about coming into her own: she’s embracing the best parts of who she wants to be, and leaving behind some of the dangerously obstinate habits of toddler-hood. “Though she be but little, she is fierce!” I want her to retain that always, in pursuit of the good, true and beautiful.
Photo by Laurie Wright Photography, 2018
Learning about Curiosity and Playfulness from Ambrose
Ambrose–-oh my lover boy. The one who made me a blessed and happy boy mom (now getting ready to welcome another boy). His tenderness to me, his silliness and sense of humor, how he’s navigating all the big changes of his little life, I’m just marveling at it daily, and loving every minute with him. He teaches me so much about approaching all aspects of life with enthusiasm and a grin.
The other night when we are scurrying around doing bedtime things with Corinne, I see him grab his little board book and jump into my bed next to Emma who’s doing her reading there. He cuddles up and then yells out to me in the hallway—“I’m happy!!” That sums him up pretty well, just that sunny good natured guy who brings out all the doting qualities from all of us.
The year between 1 and 2 is really when so much happens for them, they go from being little babies needing so much, to super independent, and this guy handled it with grace and agility.
Much more than my other girls were (that I remember), he’s super inquisitive and always asking “What’s that” “Where are we?”, “Why…?” His brain is hardwired to connect the dots between things and that, along with his very tidy habits (my pride and joy–-he’s always cleaning up his messes without prompting, using his mini cleaning set, or picking up after he’s done, etc.) makes me think he could have a future as an engineer (like his grandfather) or something that requires attention to detail/organization, and lots of asking “why does this work this way?”
He’s my nature lover boy, who’s always trying to play with bugs, run outside with his boots on, and just explore…and on hikes, he fiercely keeps up with rigorous climbs and will go for a mile or more just powering away, excited about what’s up ahead. I’ve LOVED these fall days with him, as a special transition moment, knowing that in the new year, things will shift again, and he’ll give up his position as youngest…but he’ll always be my baby boy, and he has his dad wrapped around his finger, which is wonderful to watch.
He teaches me so much about loving life and taking things as they come. He reminds me how important it is to just PLAY, and use our energy on things that make us happy.
Photo by Laurie Wright Photography, 2018
Learning about Trust and the Unique Gift of Each Life from My Sneaky Pete
My little bump dweller, “Sneaky Pete,” as we like to call him, rounding us out to 2 girls, 2 boys. This guy sure has taught me A LOT so far, for being so little, but it’s been quite an exciting journey with him, and I’d say primarily it’s about trust in God, joy and gratitude for the lives we get to connect with, touch, and bring into this world. There’s some very very special reason that he’s here, that he exists–so I’m eager to witness and see just what that could be.
And he’s been SO good and easy on his momma so far (let’s keep that up), and I just marvel at it all, all over again (but more deeply perhaps). I’ve been really intentionally journaling almost daily with this pregnancy, and really letting this little guy and our experiences together shape my thoughts, my work, what I’m focused on, there’s so much richness there, in terms of lessons and learning to really become aware of the process, of how much these weeks, each week, changes us.
Maybe you’ve heard it said that every child a woman carries leaves some of their own DNA in her? We as mothers are literally, and in so many facets, never ever going to be the same, thanks to the babies we carry or have carried.
Now that we’re at the point (34 weeks) that he could survive outside the womb just fine (though let’s not get any ideas of coming early) it’s just mind blowing to me, just how much development takes place in these early weeks, and how lucky we are to be witnesses to it, as parents, from day 1. It still feels surreal, but amazing, that in 6 weeks we’ll have another little one fully part of our home and family.
I have no doubt I’ll be writing more updates soon on this little one, but so far, he’s as go with the flow as they come, and genuinely brings such an edge of joy to my life and awareness, he’s reminding me just how much ALL in life is gift, sometimes God’s ways are much better than our ways (well, always!), and how good things lead to more and more and more good things–abundance of blessings follows when we trust and relinquish control.
His presence also reminds me, yet again, how important self-care is as mothers–caring for self and caring for other are the same/inextricably linked in this beautiful phase, and I am grateful some of these lessons have sunk in over the past 8 years, even as I learn new ones, that are appropriate for this season.
Photo by Laurie Wright Photography, 2018
So that’s it, the 2018 recap on life-lessons from my kids…
I love their spirit and this moment above, it captures perfectly their wild and free hearts, ready to take on adventure and risk as it comes to them—alive to the world, to life and it’s blessings, just committed to thriving. We all have so much to learn from the children in our lives–our own, and others!
And here’s the recap from last year to enjoy/compare. I LOVE seeing the growth, as much in my perspective, as in each of them.
