That elusive and desired state. Many of us don’t know how to achieve it, but we know when it’s happening, that those are the memorable moments of life that often put everything else into perspective. The other day, I was on an evening walk, by myself, gathering my thoughts and sanity after a long week. I stumbled upon a new trail, that I had never seen before. We all know the feeling–of excitement, when encountering & embarking on something new. It feels safe (there’s a trail)…but also a bit wild–we don’t know what’s around the corner or on the other side of the hill. I realized how important it us to have those kinds of experiences, especially now in this strange time, when we can often vacillate too strongly to the extremes of anxiety (lack of control), to boredom (lack of interest)…Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi talks about this in his book FLOW…that the flow state falls in between the 2, like this chart shows.
FLOW moments are an interesting balance between challenge & ease, anxiety & boredom, stretching us, at the same time as allowing us to feel at peace, capable, and with the skills needed to tackle what’s ahead–even as we know we’ll have to learn new skills.
Learning how to lean towards & create the flow state more often, can literally change our lives and our contributions.
Artists experience flow when working on their art, fully engrossed in it (forgetting to eat or sleep). Cooks can experience it, if cooking is a creative outlet for them (it is for me!). And athletes often experience it, in their enjoyment of their sport.
I have a few modules in my life design course on these topics, and one of my goals for those taking the course is to experience more flow in their daily life, since they’ve honed the tools and the mindset & understand how to harness their intentions, energy, mindset, and thus make it possible to experience FLOW more often. What would that look like for you?
If you’re ready for a life of more FLOW, more contentment, more fulfillment in your everyday, and more tools to be able to achieve a flow state often, join us for life design, spring edition. It’s time to write your own life design story.
Want to be kept in the loop when the life design course is re-opening? (Fall 2020?) Just jump into our community here.
Last week, I had the honor of joining January Donovan on her podcast and we chatted about a topic near to my heart. Now, all of a sudden, we’re living in an entirely new reality. Life will NEVER be like it was, and we still don’t have a clear sense of the future. For many of us, life is more intense and stressful than ever, as we juggle work, kids, homeschooling, perhaps loss of a job or uncertainty about employment, and so much more.
Well, our daily habits are truly tested in these times of crisis, and, just like all of you, January and I are starting from scratch with building new habits to give us the proper mindset, personal tools of resilience and energy and focus so we can still be our best, or a new “better” to rise to these daily challenges. It was a pleasure to be her guest, and I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on our conversation. Please share in the comments below, these are very important conversations to have.
ALSO: I’m so excited that I’m able to offer you a special look into January’s offerings. She has so many incredible offerings over at THE WOMAN SCHOOL, and I just learn so much from her when we connect; her passion for helping women in all walks of life is so tangible, and her courses & opportunities for partnership are just unparalleled. In this time, we need to build connections & communities of HOPE more than ever, and she’s doing just that.
These are some links you can use to grab a seat in her courses, directly referred from me 😉 And yes, email me with any questions or to get more of an inside scoop if you’re considering it.
I had the honor of speaking at this beautiful event earlier this month. It was a privilege and I was thrilled to speak about a topic that is so near to my heart, and which I’m currently living–namely, finding balance & thriving in postpartum, and bringing awareness to the many challenges faced during this beautiful, fragile and absolutely life-changing season. Of course we focus on the milestones of a babies first months, but we must similiarly acknowledge and celebrate/support a mother in all her milestones of postpartum, and what she’s experiencing. I have seen all too often that women “suffer through” these tiring months without support, balance, joy or healthy habits that make them at their best. And as a culture and society, sadly PPD and PPA instances are on the rise, as we pressure women to get “back” to their perfect body, their normal levels of activities, and to rush back into work away from baby. Basically–to ignore the special needs, pace and blessings of this phase of life. Let’s change all of this. We’re flipping the script on postpartum life, I know as a community and society, that it’s important and possible.
*So, if you were there, you’ll know that this is NOT the speech I actually gave word for word—I always find in the moment that speaking from my heart rather than reading is the way to go, but since I prepped these notes, I wanted to share, and get your reactions to them. I know it takes a village and we’re all finding ways to voice just what we, our friends, and the mothers around us, truly need in postpartum. All of our experiences and stories deeply matter. The world needs to hear and be shaped by them*
Blaise made his stage debut with me, it meant so much that I could have him there as part of my presentation–the very representation of what I’ve become so passionate about advocating for and modeling; mothers can be mothers AND make an intentional impact, it’s not an either/or. It’s time for society to recognize and embrace these new models for work & mothering.A captive audience…Beautiful and inspiring friends whose own paths and work (and friendship) brought us together; they are wonderful advocates for healthy motherhood, prevention, and a focus on the whole person. I’m always and continually inspired by courageous women–mothers and now grandmothers–who have forged the path of courage and authentic truth-telling. Their legacy is where we pick up, and their important work is echoed in all that we undertake. Barb is a true hero of mine in women making a huge impact through their work and business ownership, nutritional counseling–it was an honor to precede her on stage.Indeed we are.
Talk given at the Woman to Woman event, Saturday, May 18, 2019
Tomorrow Starts Today…with how we flip the script on thriving motherhood in postpartum
Good morning, my name is Madeleine Pidel, I’m a wife and mother of 4. I am also a health and business coach, and my postpartum experiences have completely transformed my outlook on life, my own career, and the trajectory of my life and our family. I want to share some reflections about why I believe that we can flip the script on mothers thriving in motherhood (which begins in the fragile days of postpartum), and thus create a better tomorrow, today.
I will start with my experiences in postpartum, and draw out some important conclusions based on stories that many of you here may be able to relate to, or know someone in your life who’s going through this.
With my first daughter, born 9 years ago this summer, I was working hard at a job I loved in NYC, when all of a sudden, it was time for her to be born, and maternity leave started…
…After a challenging (and beautiful) natural birth experience, I found myself completely overwhelmed, exhausted, life upside-down, no way of knowing how to care for this little human in my arms, or myself. I remember some days I didn’t get dressed, didn’t leave the couch, but I had a super supportive husband, and community of first time moms, so it wasn’t too lonely or tough (comparatively). But I definitely struggled with my identity, my feelings of self-worth (when I was focusing all my time on a baby, which didn’t feel “productive” to my career driven self). I had tinges of postpartum depression, and by 8 weeks, was actually relieved to have found an amazing nanny and to be going back to work part time–my brain needed it, and I needed a reason to get dressed and feel like a normal human. Of course, once I was balancing part-time (almost full-time) work and a child, I was getting frayed thinner than ever before. This is the reality for so many women. And rather than asking for more help, I just pushed harder and began to experience burnout when I was around 1 year postpartum. I had a health crisis, was very nutritionally depleted, no extra energy to workout or “care for myself” which I had decided was “selfish” at this point. It was my own crisis and wake up call I needed. I was fired from the job that was draining me, and I was given the gift of time to focus on being “just mom” while looking for another job.
At this point, my friend Melinda reached out to me and supported me, and shared this opportunity of business ownership that she was just discovering as a new mom like me. I was given a ray of hope to create a beautiful future for our family, and to dream again, all in an instant. What a gift to give a mother—to believe she can be truly present to her babies and kids as they grow, while being fully ambitious and pursuing beautiful things that matter to her too. It’s our lean-out, best of both worlds reality, that I feel so privileged to live, and to share.
This time, I had a strong sense that while my baby (turned toddler) could thrive without me around, I needed to be more a part of her life, and I was inspired to prepare to leave my desk job life. So in preparing to conceive and give birth to my 2nd child, I started my own business with this amazing tribe of women you see all around you, and I choose to work in finance in an environment with better work-life balance, and I knew I would be saying goodbye to office life after my 2nd was born, so my husband and I did everything we could to prepare financially for this transition. I had these incredible nutritional tools that are being shared (with my 2nd pregnancy) and felt amazing (no GD, worked out until 37 weeks), and my birth to a 9lb 11 oz baby girl was a beautiful experience, and my recovery was swift, I felt amazing just days after birth. I went on the road and traveled when she was 3 weeks old; to our global conference and our families. Balancing postpartum with a toddler was challenging but I wisely put myself into situations (the homes of my aunt, my mom, my mother in law) where I could rest and be cared for in those early weeks. But when I was preparing to go back to work at 8 weeks (to finish up a project then give my notice), the familiar deep dread set in. It’s just against everything in our hormonal and natural makeup to leave our babies so young and be sitting in an office, often doing work we could do remotely. Pumping and bottle prep takes women sometimes up to an hour each day/evening, and it’s just draining. My child didn’t take a bottle well at all, so I was going home on lunch breaks to feed her, then rushing back to work, pump, work some more, all knowing that things would shift soon enough. When she was 3.5 months old (and I’d been working for 6 weeks to complete an audit project)–I brought her in, in a carrier, and gave my notice to my boss, one of the moments I’ll always remember. I focused on my littles and worked on growing my at home business. The challenges of self-care, and balance remain, but with the empowering community of business owners, no one judges you for bringing babies to meetings, to conferences, and I felt so empowered and grateful. I had mom friends commenting to me–“you’re so lucky you get to have time with your babies and still use your brain”, and this beautiful reality drove me to share this gift with many other mommas. The work-life balance we desire, and which our babies need from us in their first years of life, is possible with some creativity and grit.
I LOVE seeing the women of my generation–from all walks of life and careers, rise up and take a stand for better balance in their work, in the baby’s first year and beyond. We’re continuing to show that we’re more valuable in our careers of choice BECAUSE of being mothers, not in spite of it. And with enough women doing just this important balance, the general culture can shift towards being more understanding of flexible working, a win-win situation.
I have now had 2 other postpartum experiences, as a business owner, and it’s incredible beautiful and freeing. I have had to learn to be better about asking for help, outsourcing everything except the most precious roles that only a mother can fill, and learning “radical self-care for radical service” which is my tagline for mommas. It’s not selfish to make sure our bodies, hearts and minds are working at their best to care for and raise these humans. It’s essential. And we need to rise up and create a stronger culture of care and support, enlisting folks who truly understand what is happening (and needed) in postpartum to provide that for mommas.
Of course, dropping off meals and baby clothes is a kind gesture, and appreciated, but even more appreciated or needed is taking the other kids away for an hour so mom can nap, or, when she’s ready, coming over to provide company to the new mother, or just hold the babe while she gets a moment to herself.
Additionally, all the nutritional and hormone balancing tools we offer are a crucial part of the puzzle for me. I use the foundational nutrition tools that the women in this room all use and rave about–I don’t know about you, but I want to age with grace, and alot of energy. I’m healthier now in my mid 30s, after 4 kids, than I was in my mid 20s, and I know it’s thanks to these daily vitalizer and daily shake. I literally can’t imagine going a day without them.
I’ve had 3 incredibly healthy pregnancies, with perfect health markers, high energy, the ability to workout, and this sets up for a smoother postpartum experience–less “baby weight” to lose, more energy, easier time transitioning into postpartum fitness habits, and of course it takes discipline and a strong WHY, but this is something all new moms crave and need more of, to be uplifted and reminded that they too, are allowed to thrive. Even the age old “sleepless exhausted” momma of a newborn doesn’t have to be that way. I had 1 baby (before Shaklee) who was the classic collicky, gassy, fussy, not a good sleeper, and I have since had 3 larger (healthy birth weight) Shaklee babies who sleep well for me from day 1, and not only that, we have tools like the cal mag and the pm recover to ensure mommas get the most out of their crucial rest.
With my 3rd postpartum, even though I was very healthy and had a good recovery, I began to experience some signs of adrenal fatigue and PPA, which is less diagnosed, understood or talked about. For me it looked like being super busy, keeping my super mom cape on too much, and getting frayed/fried around the edges. Getting exhausted easily, snappy at my kids (too easily anxious or angry) and I had to work to reset my nervous system, with tools like the stress relief complex, B’s, valuing sleep more, and I also discovered the incredible healing art of reflexology, and regular massage, etc, to support my body and give it extra doses of self-care, for all that I was expecting of it. This is when I embraced the concept of “radical self-care for radical service”–when we know WHY we want to be at our best, and who we’re doing it for (in addition to ourselves) it rises from the level of “extra” to essential.
This time around, in my 4th postpartum with Blaise, I wanted it to be as peaceful and restful as possible, and I called on my mom and family/sisters to come and stay with me for the first full month. I cooked very few meals, did almost no driving or caring for the kids, and this allowed me to have my best, fastest recovery, which amazed my midwives, considering it’s my 4th. I used Every Mother throughout the pregnancy and in the weeks following to prevent any additional separation and to continue healing my DR–which is a huge challenge for many moms, and I know SO many folks who’ve seen huge improvements in their back pain, posture, core strength and more.
I also did the extra resting/focus on support in those first weeks to balance my mood and ensure I didn’t develop early triggers for adrenal fatigue. It’s about giving mom permission (and value) to deeply REST, and in doing the very important work that she and baby are doing. We need communities and a society that support this understanding of postpartum, and as I look around this room, I can see that all of you are inspired by, and working towards, and can commit with me towards that.
I’ve become so much more aware of what my body needs in postpartum, with the phrases “intuitive eating” and “mindful movement” shaping much of my daily habits, and I’m so grateful for the incredible set of nutritional tools at our disposal. I’ve gone on to run a half marathon at 6 months postpartum with my 3rd, and things that would have been unthinkable to that original sleep and energy deprived me of 9 years ago. The GLA complex helps with balancing hormones and I take it whenever I’m feeling my mood is out of whack, along with lots of healthy (mindful movement, walking, stretching), socializing with those who lift me up, and epsom salts are hugely healing for postpartum nerves, afalfa for breastfeeding, vivix for reducing inflammation and of course, healthy digestion with optiflora DI. I eat a hormone balancing diet and have learned so much about the nutrition of postpartum not only through coaching other women through it from all walks of life, and living it myself deeply, but also through this wonderful resource called “the first 40 days” (A perfect book to give to someone you know who’s expecting a babe) (linked below). It’s about committing to a self care routine and knowing you’re doing it for you, and for baby. Doing things that bring us joy each day are crucial–it can be as simple as reading a book you enjoy while baby naps on you in the mornings with your favorite tea, laying out on a blanket in the sun in our yards while babe is napping, or grabbing a coffee at your favorite local spot, and sitting in a park (getting OUT with babe for our best mental health)…these things build up our level of joy and gratitude during this season which is also so ultimately demanding of us. The balancing act is challenging, but so beautiful when each mom finds her postpartum groove.
These babies are our future, and caring well for their mommas in those crucial, vulnerable, fragile first weeks & months (which are also the most beautiful), is our gift to the future of our world.
Action item: Can we all reach out to a new mom in our life today; let her know she’s valued, loved and supported? Share with her that postpartum can be a thriving, energized and truly happy and wonderful experience, and that want to be there for her, to support her in experiencing just that, with your presence, deep caring, and all the tools and ideas mentioned here.
This moment in time is one I want to remember for many many years to come. My 3 littles are these incredibly beautiful, blossoming ages, and I just am blown away by all that they are doing, becoming, and how much they are showing me about life, and the many facets of what it means to be alive, and to be in the present moment, while embracing growth. So much is learned from these simple, beautiful, un-tamed hearts. Sure, they make me crazy and some days, exhausted, but I decided for this post to share with you my focus on the incredible lessons that they are teaching me, and for myself, so that it sinks in deeply and I can treasure these lessons for what they are…beautiful gifts from God, who is always putting the people in our lives (literally, plopped into my body and heart) to teach us needed lessons about life and love, and becoming more of who we are truly meant to be.
Emma L. Pidel
My eldest girl, my absolute joy, she’s a ray of warmth and lightness and is so sensitive to beauty, to others, to sadness, she’s like a beautiful wildflower, growing in the sun, but delicately battered by rain. I remember even as a baby, how sensitive she was to the world around her, and that challenged and stretched me at the time, and it continues to! She’s never happier than when creating–primarily with color and paper (art of any media) but also now with writing; her stories, imaginary games and worlds become the focus of the other children, and we all get swept up into them, so powerful is her imagination and her desire to make it real.
The other day she said to me, coming from out of the blue, or perhaps when I was brushing off something that had happened in the midst of a busy moment…”Mom. but it’s OK to feel sad. You can’t just be happy and feel positive all the time.” Those words hit deeply with me and I realized that she needed to see another side of me from time to time. She knows that I have my down moments, as we all do, and she was encouraging me to let that be part of my mothering, rather than putting on a good face and mustering along. What wisdom of spirit! And that vulnerability chosen as strength is where Emma so excels, and where she teaches me so much. She may be little (she’s always been one of the most petite ladies for her age) but she shines so brightly due to her generosity and her desire to expand other’s hearts and their deep joy–all while telling them (and us)–it’s OK, you don’t have to be happy all the time…that’s not how life works. Her melancholic understanding of life coupled with her trained optimism that we’re always working on, is something that inspires me daily, and that I know will richly bless so many others.
Corinne E. Pidel
Oh, my spitfire. Every since she popped into the world on July 5th, weighing in at 9lbs 12 oz, my little firecracker has been making sure that people notice her in every way, every day. Sometimes, that takes ugly temper-tantrum on the sidewalks form, but other times it means she runs into her school and her entire class comes and hovers around her, eager to hear what she has to say, and to follow her around (I kid you not). We’re always working on the leadership side of things and channeling all that CEO mentality she’s already got bottled up inside her. Believe me, she wants to, and probably could run the household for a day if I let her…and I’m tempted but I know in just a few years she’ll be such a brilliant lady to have on my team, so we’re always navigating the sources of power, in all ways large and small. She teachers me, with her fiercely beautiful stubborn streak, that we should STAND UP and fight for what matters to us, large or small, and to know deep down what it is that we want, and what we are about in the world.
She has a piercing sense of fairness and the need to keep agreements in place, so I watch, and marvel, as this little human navigates all the people, situations and environments that she has in front of her. She takes risks whenever possible–OK, sounds like someone else we know. But her enthusiasm and confidence are at such heights when she’s flipping on the playground or trampolining across my living room on these winter eves–she truly marvelously pushes herself to go further, faster, harder, and boy, don’t we all need a little bit of that drive and energy sometimes? Since she has a tender heart under her tougher exterior, I learn much from her about finding little ways and opportunities to let love shine through; it’s not going to look the same for all of us; and in her case, sometimes love looks like laying down clear boundaries and even a few rules, with much explanation of course.
She’s finding her way with full force, and I am so humbled that I get to be her mommy and learn so much patience, trust and peace along the way. Being 4 and trying to understand all that life throws at us is TOUGH. In fact, it’s tough no matter what the age. We can’t always just lay down and have a good cry, but being OK with that reality and the mystery of our power to shape our existence, is certainly always something to grapple with. She’s taught me this, and so, so so much more.
I have no doubt she’ll be a CEO, or running her own company, or non-profit, or doing some other such incredible things some day, and I’ll look back and smile and chuckle over all those moments when she lost it because she couldn’t understand why she wasn’t in charge of the whole show at age 4.
Ambrose. J.T. Pidel
Oh, my babe. I start to tear up when I rock him for his naps and think about the fact that he’s growing up, he doesn’t really need me in the way that he used to, a year ago. This year has been SUCH a gift and he’s taught me some incredible lessons. His gentle, loving, upbeat and fun personality is contagious-how he is in turn affects his sisters and their moods, and it affects me.
He’s constantly smiling at us to get us to smile back, and he now has this sweet trick where he’ll come running over and pull on me until I sit and cozy up with him on the couch, and he’ll sit contentedly in my lap, chatting away and telling me (in gibberish) everything that he’s thinking about, complete with serious facial expressions and chuckles. He’s teaching me, with his absolutely fearless and fierce nature, to push ahead towards the things that are beyond me reach just yet, or are hard for me. That’s how we learn, that’s how we grow.
Seeing him tackle obstacles like the nearest chair, or navigating getting down a flight of stairs (hint; It ends well), he does so smiling widely, and when he falls, he just grins and goes right back at it. Isn’t that all that many of us can aspire to be like, failing forward and seeing the bumps and bruises of life, as a sign that we’re on the right path and we’re learning, it’s not supposed to be perfect and seemly, and together all the time. And his sweet fascination with literally everything that comes across his path or sight reminds me to dive in more deeply to understand how something works and why it came to be. He reminds me that I love phemonelogy for this reason…the power of experiencing an object and the joy, suprrise and all that it gives.
He’s teaching me to love and give second chances no matter what history is there (with his sisters rough housing him) and his beautiful wide open approach to welcoming the new day—running off to explore something new with sheer delight at being alive. Yes, I’m learning so much from him too, and it’s all so wonderful to watch unfold.
These children, grace and hope are abundant in their spirits, may they always live the deep and bright mysteries of the present moment, as they are doing now. I’m so humbled and truly lucky to be their mother, and as much as I wake up and pray for the wisdom to guide and form them, they are teaching me lessons that are sinking deeply into my core and changing me.
