Last week, I had the honor of joining January Donovan on her podcast and we chatted about a topic near to my heart. Now, all of a sudden, we’re living in an entirely new reality. Life will NEVER be like it was, and we still don’t have a clear sense of the future. For many of us, life is more intense and stressful than ever, as we juggle work, kids, homeschooling, perhaps loss of a job or uncertainty about employment, and so much more.
Well, our daily habits are truly tested in these times of crisis, and, just like all of you, January and I are starting from scratch with building new habits to give us the proper mindset, personal tools of resilience and energy and focus so we can still be our best, or a new “better” to rise to these daily challenges. It was a pleasure to be her guest, and I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on our conversation. Please share in the comments below, these are very important conversations to have.
ALSO: I’m so excited that I’m able to offer you a special look into January’s offerings. She has so many incredible offerings over at THE WOMAN SCHOOL, and I just learn so much from her when we connect; her passion for helping women in all walks of life is so tangible, and her courses & opportunities for partnership are just unparalleled. In this time, we need to build connections & communities of HOPE more than ever, and she’s doing just that.
These are some links you can use to grab a seat in her courses, directly referred from me 😉 And yes, email me with any questions or to get more of an inside scoop if you’re considering it.
“You can optimize your overall energy quotient in life if you choose to. And perhaps this is our ultimate duty since our vibrancy ultimately dictates how we work, love, move, worship, relate and lead…Make improving your energy a commitment…Choose to bring joy to your everyday life experience.”
-Brendon Burchard
from his chapter “Generate Energy” in High Performance Habits.
Friends. This topic is quite close to my heart. I have, from 6 years ago, gone from being someone who really had no familiarity with concepts of self-care, or if pressed, might have said “that sounds selfish,” or “I’m too stressed/busy/hustling to care about all of that”…to being a huge advocate for it.
Rightly understood, self-care is proper management of our natural resources: making sure we have energy, mental stamina and proper personal resources to undertake and do well the things that are our callings, our daily work. It’s about being aware of what we need to do to be our best, and then doing it, daily. We mostly realize when it’s lacking and we head towards the cliff of “burnout” whether in a career setting, or as a mom who’s stretched too thin, or in having frayed relationships, feeling stuck, unable to keep up the current pace, depression, exhaustion—it’s a bleak but very real list.
Been there.
I let myself get there when I had one little beautiful sweetheart (Emma was 1 ½ years old) and a very demanding career. I struggled in the tension between being the kind of mother I wanted to be, and being all-in for my work, which kept me on urgent deadlines at all hours, and enduring long commutes the 3 days a week that I went into the office.
I was taking on more than I could handle and felt myself splitting apart, but didn’t know how to say NO, or where, or how to make life re-balance. I certainly wasn’t saying “yes” to the kind of strong personal habits that are needed when life is crazy busy. Getting by on caffeine and a prayer only lasts for so long….
Well, God allowed some big things to change, fast, to wake me up to the reality that things needed to change, for our family. And it had to start with me.
That story has been told more fully elsewhere, and it’s on the about page of this site because it’s the true seed of hope and energy that led to this work and this humble online home.
I had to start from square one with managing my stress levels, taking care of my health, learning about what filled me up and made me happy, taking time for myself without feeling guilty when it might be time away from my little one/ones…I’m proud to be a continued work in progress.
Fast forward to last summer, 2017. I had 3 happy and busy kids under 7. Ambrose was 7 months old when we did a big move, and then it was summertime and I was knee-deep in postpartum life, in trying to create new household rhythms that worked, keeping him on a great napping schedule (thank God, but how to keep the toddler sister out of his room?) and 2 fun amazing busy little ladies who were bottomless pits of summer fun and begging for crafts, swimming, playdates, all of it.
Needless to say, I began to be stretched a little thin. I realized, that even with my strong habits of self care, sometimes the summer months can just demand more of us: kids stay up later, we might try to fill the days full, or depending on what you do, different kid’s schedules, more work travel perhaps, or more social engagements and weekend travel. What starts as fun “sleeping in, no routines, let’s play all day or do summer stuff!” turns into endless hours of un-managed and therefore sometimes challenging time. The question at the end of it all is whether you feel recharged, rested and fulfilled.
And that’s when I learned that summer is a great time to try out new habits—to see what supports you best.
5:30am workouts to get out of the house and sweat long before the kids are awake? Worth a try as the sun rises. Evening walks as a family, or alone? Weekend routines shifted to prioritize different healthy habits? The time is there.
And because travel throws fun mayhem into schedules, it’s wonderful to challenge yourself to find and stick with simple habits that support your mental, physical, spiritual health, that are also flexible to work with a vacation or varied schedule. That could be as simple as keeping yourself energized and at your best with your on-the-go supplement routine (my go-to for travels), a daily kombucha, healthy snacks, etc.
Whatever it is that you’re up to, I’m sure your summer is a departure from routines, and sometimes that can leave us lacking in the basics of: regular exercise, eating well (does sangria count as a fruit serving?🤣), and getting appropriate down-time and moments to truly recharge. (You know when folks complain about needing a vacation after vacation? What’s that about…? Could it be poor planning or not being clear on how best to spend those hours of vacay?).
So, what can we do to create strong, positive and appropriate summer self-care routines?
To start with, it’s good to look at the overall goals, priorities and daily schedule that would be ideal for you. Who needs you at your best (besides you!) and how do you create that? How do you use the days well, when the hours can be so fluid? What should we say NO to, as well as what do we say YES to?
Perhaps it’s getting up earlier, with the sun, for a walk or workout. Perhaps it’s actually getting to some of those books on your reading list from January, the ones from New Year’s resolution “read more” season. Perhaps it’s about intentional social time, more mindful (seasonal) shopping and eating, or any number of things that you know will help bring more balance and joy to your every day.
I asked a wonderful group of holistic minded and wise mommas to speak up about their thoughts on good summer self care habits. Yes, these are geared to motherhood but I think the kernels of them apply well to all walks of life. Moms/parents might just need/get an extra intense dose of self-care to go along with summer parenting, along with a side of stress relief.
These mommas spoke about:
*Daily walks. With or without babies/kids especially in the morning hours (makes sense, as it sets our mental and physical energy for the day to get out and move).
*Intentional social time. With longer days and more open schedules, it can be easier sometimes to coordinate park play dates, pool gatherings, BBQs, cocktail nights, or beach/lake hangouts (can you tell what my priorities are?:).
These can be truly rejuvenating in so many ways. But, they can also be wearing in large amounts//no time limits (what am I saying, recovering extrovert that I am?) so be wise about scheduling 1-2 big socials thing per day, and perhaps build in recharge time in between.
*Rest/quiet. Another wonderful recurring theme that reinforced what I have come to realize my little tribe needs: siesta hour. In the hottest part of the day, slow the pace, be indoors or someplace cool, reading, napping, resting, quiet. In my opinion we should embrace siestas as a cultural norm, and just let people go home/relax/power nap/read/change their pace. As all the research pours in, those down times and key rest moments make us MORE productive when we’re working and better focused in going about our life.
Here’s an example of what my ideal Siesta time looks like:
Easy and delicious salad (from a whole foods kit, no guilt when you’re busy). Girls are currently resting/reading/approved screen time…and Ambrose is napping. I’m reading something that is supportive to my overall life (High Performance Habits). Fun/free reading like novels are great too, I just tend to save those for evening when I’m winding down in bed. OK, and sometimes I power nap too, leaving dishes and laundry for other appropriate moments of the day–this is about recharging by body, mind and spirit so I can mother well the rest of the afternoon.
What are the habits that make your summer days wonderful, restful and meaningful? I hope you’ll take a moment to share in the comments so that others can be encouraged and inspired. Some of the best of these we can take with us into the fall.
Here are a few more that have served me well—I add to the list often because you can’t have too many good habits, right?
*Books that expand your personal vision and help develop certain parts of you—this is the time to expand, explore, imagine what a life could look like where you’re even more content and happy—check out this list for starters and share your favorite summer inspiration reads!
I like this as a battle cry for summer, as well as wonderful late August reading.
*Embracing local eating. Just the very process of heading to a farmers’ market, or a local farmstand, or wherever you’ll get those seasonal fruits and veggies is so exhilarating (ok, just me?) and makes our bodies hum at another level! Even if it’s seeking out farm-to-table dining when eating out. It’s so rewarding to experience the richest tastes and flavors of your local season. We did our own garden for the 2nd year in a row, and that was a game changer for me—garden care became self-care in a way as we adjusted to, appreciated and worked with the rhythms of growing things, that would then ultimately land on our table. (Our garden process is getting its own post very soon.) Let me know below if you find seasonal eating supports your overall vibrancy and rhythms.
*Quiet/reflection time in power spots and nature. I love having a beautiful spot connected to nature (this year I hauled the porch furniture out to be in the grass with yard views all around and grass between my toes). Once a day if possible, head to this spot—a blanket in nature? A hike? A local beach or lake?—See if you can unplug and soak up the beauty and the tranquility that’s offered. It’s actually become a known game changer in the struggle against anxiety that we’re facing as life gets faster and faster as a culture. This article shares a powerful take on that “call to nature” we all feel and are ready to respond to.
*Unplug. Yes, this is a tough one at times but so crucial for our mental habits! It could be a screen free day each week, or just building in stricter time limits for yourself. I developed better night time habits very intentionally early in the summer: airplane mode after 10pm (latest, sometimes earlier), no phone in the bedroom which can lead to endless scrolling and connecting at all hours. In the morning, do some meaningful, productive and positive things (see miracle morning post from last summer here) before getting onto social media and email.
Turns out this is more than just self-care—these are habits for ideal performance, and mental thriving.
*More sleep. Another great one that is looked down on in our “hustle more”/workaholic society—-give yourself permission, guilt free, to get an extra hour of sleep during the summer nights…you may be amazed what a difference it makes, and how energized you feel when waking up with the sun, after a full night sleep. Research shows just how bad the sleep deprivation has become in our society—we’re all able to reverse that in our own lives—and create a ripple effect of rested, happier, people. Have you tried this?
Brendon Burchard really challenged me on this front in his book High Performance Habits, and since working on getting into bed earlier to read and wind down, I’ve experienced incredible improvements in sleep quality, enjoyment of my evening reading (because I’m not on the brink of exhaustion when I start), and incredible morning energy when rising with the light/sunshine. Is it possible this sworn night owl is fully transforming into a morning person? It remains to be seen, but it’s been a fun transition for the season and I love how things have shifted for me in terms of morning routines as well.
Even on days you can’t sleep more, this simple restorative yoga posture will reset your circadian rhythms and is the equivalent of a 2 hour nap for your nervous system–I often end up in this posture in my son’s bedroom while he falls asleep peacefully in his crib–it’s a moment to meditate, reflect with gratitude on the day, etc. Sometimes, self-care is snuck into the most normal of moments, and that’s what makes it a effective and life-changing.
*Detox bath or shower. Sometimes, as a parent, the idea of being left alone for 20 minutes is just blissful. Heck, for any of us who are bombarded with communication 24/7. So leave the phone aside, grab a book, and take a epsom salt bath (or herbal steam shower—no book obvs) in the evenings (add baking soda if you’re wanting to detox well from the radiation exposure that happens on flights—it’s a real thing and my husband’s cool client is to be credited for turning us onto it)…throw in some lavender, orange or other calming essential oils, and you’re sure to be in a different mental/emotional state when you finish.
*Schedule things that make you happy—at least once a week. It doesn’t have to be just a trip to the salon (those are always great!)—but find the things that really light you up, make a list, and make them happen. For me, it’s exploring new places/towns with my kids, or sitting in new settings (coffee shops, book stores), running, coffee with a friend…whatever it is, it doesn’t have to be a caribbean vacation for it to totally change your perspective on life and the week. Anticipating these can be almost half the enjoyment! Evening yoga classes are one such juicy treat for me—when I get to do mindful movement and relinquish one dinner/bath/bedtime…it’s the little things, right?
And for those who aren’t parents—-just take an evening out of your normal routine and you’ll be amazed at how fun it is. Picnic in the park with a concert, evening walk, it’s all available to us.
As I was reflecting on and working on this article (trying to really live it myself this summer, in the midst of travels, full weeks and more)…I came to connect with another awesome current read—the classic book on FLOW—this idea of a flow state. It’s something desirable that we’re all eager to connect with, and we feel it’s linked to our happiness. Well, I believe that self-care habits that bring our vibrancy and joy up daily are a part of tapping into this flow—whether in work, vocation, parenting, living. Here’s a fun quote that may get you thinking, and I encourage you to check out the book as well!
“How we feel about ourselves, the joy we get from living, ultimately depends directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experience. Whether we are happy depends on inner harmony, not on the controls we are able to exert over the great forces of the universe…”
-Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, FLOW “The psychology of optimal experience”
And to this end, the way in which we’re able to create valuable self-care habits—can change and improve our experiences of our lives, our relationships, the ways we’re called to share our talents and serve, the purpose of existence, and more, all from starting with what we’re given—the energy and ability to design our days. It’s a hint of that Flow state that is so desirable, when we understand that happiness comes from being connected to a larger purpose and energy, rather than any singular experience or material good.
Does this all fit well together for you? Or bring up important questions?
I’m curious to hear your thoughts, as we all explore these topics together—the philosophy behind why it matters, and the practical habits that make our days flow.
Stay tuned for a super fun #septemberselfcare challenge we’re launching for all of you!
Click above (top of page) to join my email list so you don’t miss the announcements…and contact me below if you want to consider a 20 min free health & self-care assessment with yours truly, as we head into a new season…or take thisquick health quiz here and we’ll connect about your goals and personalized quiz results!
I live in gratitude for you and the examples you set for me. Self-care is not selfish, it’s how we give our best. Radical self-care for radical service is a motto that came to me a few years back and just suits how I’ve come to understand this topic. Just ask Mother Teresa why in her daily schedule for her sisters, she builds in ample moments for their meals, their prayer, their midday rest in addition to their hours out caring for the poor and sick. That’s a beautiful example to follow, and I’m challenged daily to find that proper rhythm for myself…so everyone in my life can also benefit.
