I know everyone loves a good birth story. And every experience of new life begins there…in those special hours. I’ve had 4 births before this one that were as different as they each could be…and going into this birth was a whirlwind of nesting, preparations (basement reno life) and of course, the anticipation from all fronts about just who our tie breaker baby would be…
We went in for a scheuled induction post date…with a history of macro babies, post date and all the scheduling//logistics to get extra hands here, we were happy to take some of the element of surprise out of it, and move labor along with my midwives in hospital setting that I do best with. Low and behold it was a busy weeked in L&D dept, with a full (super) moon and a bunch of other folks with scheduled inductions…with me I started on cervadil and we watched to see if labor would kick start/jump start with a little encouragement…no luck…so 12 hours later (after a crazy night on the floor, a few emergencies with other mommas, and us just chilling/sleeping), they finally switched gears and got the green light to start me on pitocin, with minimal dilation but everything else lining up/ready to go. My labors have a history of being very long/slow/peaceful build up to 3 cm, and then finally when they can break my waters, things accelerate from there. It was a relaxed, chatty day, we visited with the awesome nurses/midwife and generally (almost) forgot why were there 😉 Finally…after 6 hours turning the pitocin higher and higher, and finally breaking my bag of waters, things started picking up, and I opted for epidural, to be more relaxed/restful after what had turned out to be a long (delayed) induction …we’re gonna say 36 hours in the L&D room–possibly a record! But only 12 of that was considered active labor from when they got my pitocin started to when she was born, in the wee hours of the morning. It was one of the most intentional, empowered, calm, (yes, challenging at moments, but mostly mentally), and serene births, and for that I am truly grateful. She was born 8lbs 10oz, a good lb smaller than my biggest baby, and from the first moment we laid eyes on her, we were absolutely and totally smitten.
I am a strong believer in honoring and making a significance to postpartum life, as a cocoon phase, and a time of transitions for mom and baby. Yes, there’s the obvious physical healing that needs to take place (often forgotten or underestimated in modern times), and there is just as importantly, a huge emotional/psychological component to postpartum life—mother and child are learning to be *Apart* from each other, after 9+ months of only ever existing *Together*…and in addition to that, the mother is embracing a new identity as a result of this child, and this is a radical and beautiful thing, but requires delicacy, awareness, and the right support systems. No matter how many children you have, you truly can’t *hack* or shortcut the postpartum phases, but you can instead (as I’ve done) learned to embrace them as a beautifully unique time, and to do my best to lean into them and live them with grace–and the mindset that I’m allowed to deeply thrive, just as my baby is meant to thrive. With the exponential rise of Postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety (which myself struggled with after child 3), I think it’s clear that we’re doing something wrong as a culture, in not supporting mommas properly in this time. It takes intention, planning, humility (welcoming help is hard for the super momma persona), but in the end, it’s what our mothers and children need. The babies need it (a thriving momma is so closely tied in to a thriving baby)…and of course, the worn out mommas of 2021 need a chance to feel loved, grounded, nourished, and happy. That’s the challenge and also the ideal.
While many from the outside might have seen only glimpses of my postpartum season with Nellie (some days I shared what was happening on social, other days I just kept it honored and quiet in my heart)…it was truly a beautiful season, even more beautiful than I could have imagined, and that largely in part because I welcomed the support I so desperately needed. Even if in past days, I could “wing it” with a recovery period, and then zoom on with my busy life, something switched after my 3rd child, and I realized I craved *rest *quiet *honoring the baby and the season I was in *doing things differently for a time *Fighting pressure to bounce back *Less is more with pp fitness…and so much more. This is where my postpartum momma’s group was born, and my own focus on supporting postpartum mommas as a health coach (with a beautiful and overwhelming response…because it touches a chord).
We all know the stereotype of the over-exhausted momma, desperate for a wink of sleep, and the incessantly crying infant who can’t adjust to it’s new life. Well let’s just say, that’s not how it has to be.
As you’ve seen from my other blog posts, I take birth prep very seriously (and healthy habits in pregnancy). These pay off most clearly in the first weeks of postpartum life.
If momma has been active, caring for herself well, focusing on optimal nutrition, and fueling her body (to reduce inflammation esp at the end), then the hours, days and weeks after birth can be a relaxed and gentle period of rest…with no thought of rushing back to fitness or “normal life” or work, or anything.
Because these topics are near and dear to my heart (as I live them yet again)…I’ve been working on a mini-course that goes more in depth into some of these topics. You’ll see references to it throughout, but here’s the first chance for you to check out what it’s all about…it’s designed to connect directly with you, in each beautiful phase of preparing for postpartum, living postpartum, building your support team, deciding how to nourish and support yourself and baby best, and so much more…and it’s done through small/short videos that you can watch in 5 to 10 min segments (because sometimes that’s all we have, when breastfeeding, etc), and they are meant to inspire, uplift, provide concrete tools and a framework for doing postpartum well. It’s going to look different for everyone, so the course will give room for YOU to uncover and embrace what style of PP you’d like to have, and go from there…
I also prepped a small gift from my postpartum toolkit to any of you mommas that this would help: it’s a sheet of postpartum affirmations that I use regularly (daily) in PP to help ensure my mindset and my heart are in the right place. So many things can swing our moods and emotions and feelings in PP, and so often I see that mommas run the risk of getting so down on themselves, guilty or letting random advice or judgment take the place of their own beautiful intuition about what’s needed. So here it is, enjoy, and let me know what you think (tag me if you’re enjoying using them)….@maddypidel on insta, and #inspiredpostpartum.
Grab my free Postpartum affirmations sheet here.
Transformative Postpartum
I’ve loved this image and analogy since I first heard it, that postpartum life is like a cocoon, a safe and transitional place/season that is a crucial part of both mother and baby emerging as balanced and thriving individuals. So often our society puts pressure on us, mothers, to pretend as if nothing happened, to be back on our emails, our treadmills, our hectic pace, without acknowledging just what a huge and life changing occasion this is…it takes time to unpack. It’s not a sign of weakness to carve out crucial rest and healing time, especially in honoring the first 40 days after birth, and the first 3 months often hailed as the “4th trimester” of critical baby development, and mother’s recovery–physically and also emotionally.
Creating your ideal Postpartum
Yes, it’s OK, and good to dream about and plan for your ideal postpartum. Obviously every baby is different, every birth experience and recovery is different, and every family and support set up is different. With all that said, it’s your right and your role, as mother, to set up the ideal and communicate that clearly, so that you and baby can focus on bonding, and you can hone your motherly instinct to serve you best during this time.
For some of you…your ideal postpartum is 3 months alone, with baby (and maybe spouse)….
But, with other siblings in the mix, if any, or the fact that lonliness is seen as a key contributor to postpartum anxiety and depression…mothers really aren’t meant to do this alone. At least you need someone to help cook and clean while you rest 😉
And for me, my ideal postpartum looked quite different. I’m extremely extroverted, and coming out of a year like we’ve had (thanks covid), the idea of having loved ones around us in the days after Nellie’s birth was positively life-giving. Yes, we were hosting many of them in our home, and yes, some days it was alot. But the trade-offs I saw for my family, my kids, my husband and myself were so rich. And in this process I learned to articulate my boundaries, ensured I napped/laid down every day with Nellie. I learned when to say I needed a few hours to myself (and someone would take the kids out), vs welcoming people in for meals, cooking for us, hosting, and of course, never playing hostess but always focusing exactly on my needs and baby’s—disappearing to rest or feed whenever needed.
It’s a delicate balance to be found, but I know that when mommas are happy and feel loved, celebrated, supported, nourished well, and more, then it gives them crucial time to focus on baby and recovery, and resetting in every way.
Intuitive Postpartum
You’ll hear a theme here in this post—intuitive eating, intuitive movement, and intuitive living in postpartum…it’s what I aspire to, and it’s our best chance at thriving. Remember the phrase “mother’s intuition”? Cheesy or not, it’s true that in these beautiful intense early days, our intuition is at it’s strongest, and it’s a chance to lean into it, trust it, and hone it (if you’re not practiced/skilled at living or listening to intuition). It will serve us well, and help protect us from burnout, stress, mood swings, and more.
Trust your gut…even while you heal and nourish it in postpartum (see my gut boosting tools below). Your intution and your instincts during these early days are beautiful and powerful–and designed to make it so that you thrive, as well as baby thrives. Sometimes, when things would feel out of whack or the days would be whirling by me without enough intention, I would pause and very clearly check in with myself: how am I doing? Scan the body, how am I feeling? What do I need? What do I sense that baby (and my other household members) need today? How can I ensure that I get the rest and self-care that’s vital for me, while the rest of them can thrive? The answers are always there, as soon as we do that mental reset and check in. It’s critical for thriving in postpartum, so I encourage you to build the muscle, and journaling/meaningful connections with other mommas and your support team can also help in teasing out what is needed/best for all right now.
When in doubt…rest.
The answer to many mini challenges that arise with a new life with new baby stem from just mis-matching our pace of life (blame modern world moving at the speed of light). What’s needed is REST, stillness, peace, calm. Baby needs it, and so does our postpartum body. In the first 2 months especially, I am willing to take rest as the default. Sure, there are spurts of activity, outings, the like, but in general, I’m reminding myself (and baby’s cues are perfect here, with their frequent feedings)…that the key is to rest and put your feet up. Having a postpartum nook and some enticing snacks/drinks/a book or phone, is a key element of looking forward to all the moments you’ll spend nursing your little one. Filling them with the best nourishment, you’re reminded to replenish yourself—energy tea, postpartum teas, enriching meals, bone broths, etc….
Your needs for support are very real, and change frequently.
From my experiences with babes #4 and 5, when doing postpartum more intentionally….you have very specific needs during week 1 and 2, and these change after, into weeks 2-4, then again after 6 weeks or 40 days. With Nellie, I found it was a good 7+ weeks (while at grandma’s house) before she was settling and napping well on her own (being able to put down and sleeping long stretches). Now, that’s a real milestone, and before that, it’s good to be extra reliant on help, and ensuring that you’re getting breaks from full baby duty, in addition to housework, meals, etc. You just need to know you can get mental resets and fully rest yourself, in order to come back stronger in every way.
Postpartum fitness…less is more.
I laugh when I write this, because I truly didn’t get this for my first few postpartums. I was itching to be “back” and pushed myself harder than I needed to…with the net result being a longer or more difficult recovery, or in the case of my 2nd postpartum, after a huge baby/drawn out birth and not respecting time for my abs to heal (didn’t have everymother) I was jumping into ab exercises and HIIT early on and probably doing more damage than good to my body, in the name of coming “back” and feeling myself. Now there’s nothing wrong with that instinct, but we want to be as gentle as possible. Less is definitely more when it comes to pospartum activity and “fitness” (I have in quotes because the focus should be on function before fitness)…our pelvic floor, core and all of our body have been through something life changing and intense. They need time to heal…rest is literally the best and most effective weight loss tool in early PP, and balancing moods, strengthening core, stretching/re-discovering un-used or under-used muscles is KEY for a real pp fitness journey that gets you where you want to be, injury free, stress free, balanced, and stronger than ever.
For me, after Nellie, this looked like moving intuitively (around the house, and a few tiny outings) for 3 weeks, breathing, stretching a bit, everymother, then slowly starting to go on short walks in the neighborhood, starting with the short distance up and down in front of the house, and then longer walks (we live on a 2/3 mile cul-de-sac loop) but always staying very mindful and never pushing myself. I focused most of my energy in the first 6 weeks on nutrition and rest, and proper healing/ab support, and the result was that at 6 weeks I felt totally ready and eager for my first run!!
Postpartum Nutrition: Intuitive Eating
Now I know that it may sound crazy to say to a new mom: trust your intuition, eat what you crave and what makes you feel good. So many moms feel this pressure to start calorie counting, dieting, and watching what they eat from day one…it’s crazy and counter-productive. Your body and your baby need so much right now…and none of it can feel or be restrictive. However, I do understand that there are alot of misconceptions and misunderstandings out there, so here’s some guidelines that I’ve taken from the overall framework of the wonderful book The first 40 days…and adapted based on my experiences.
Eat a high fat, high nutrient diet for the first month, to balance hormones, provide you and baby with balanced, enriching meals, and totally don’t even think about diets, weight loss, and of that, but rather, focus on stress management, hormone balancing, sleep, and feeding baby well…that will achieve the desired effect for you (with the help of my pp nutrition super kit).
It’s important to eat warm, easily digestible, soft foods and emphasize teas and broths and warm, veggie and meat rich (bone broth is key, as is a delicious steak or two if that sounds appetizing)
Trust yourself and enjoy snacking like a queen…I had a wonderful friend send me bags from whole foods my first week PP with all the delicious healthy snacks you can imagine, nuts, trail mix, veggies and hummus, chips, I was in heaven…and of course, chocolate. I keep some stashed by my nursing/postpartum nook and had it in my bedside table too; quick hits of sugar and something yummy to take the edge off your hunger when you’re feeding. Acknowledge that now, more than ever, you’re eating *and hydrating* for 2, so give yourself permission to enjoy pretty much everything you like, in moderation, and trust the process…weight loss comes as a natural result of re-balancing, nourishing, stabilizing after birth, making sure baby has enough nutrients coming, and then releasing weight (with healthy digestion, etc playing a key). The First 40 days book emphasizes eating animal products/iron rich foods and there’s a whole section in my upcoming PP course about specifics of meal planning and nutrition in PP. The main thing is that you’re letting other people cook for you—and doing as little cooking and shopping in the first month as possible! That’s the way in which it takes a village. Virtual or in person (local) meal trains are your best friend, and be specific about what you want! (Maybe you get sick of pasta really easily!)…we loved getting meals delivered from our favorite local restaurants, and it’s often easier for someone to place an order for food you’ll love, and they can do it from anywhere, rather than stressing about bringing meals to you–it depends on what you want and what works for them….I saw it work well for a friend recently to do a virtual meal train, so I think whatever floats your boat and works for your network of friends and family.
Next level self-care
Whatever that looks like for you–don’t hesitate to do it. For me, this time around, in the midst of the first weeks (with alot of extra hands around), it looked like prioritizing pelvic physical therapy (life-changing! I’ve been doing it 5 years and adore it), and reflexology, which has been a hugely beneficial healing modality for me…it’s one of the best ways to re-balance all the systems of the body, hormones, etc after birth–I go monthly for the first 6 months!
It means caring for myself with all the tools in my nutritional tool-kit–night and day difference with doing postpartum (my first one…really rough)…vs my other postpartums…(see details below).
It means putting my phone down and staring at Nellie, or napping for an hour instead of doing chores midday, or sending the kids out with a kind relative so I can have a quiet (relatively clean) house and get a few things done on my computer, or hopping into a postpartum soak bath after putting the kids to sleep.
It means saying no to negative energies around myself and my family, or setting new boundaries based on the kind of ideal day schedule we’re setting up.
Productivity & Life design in PP: permission to write new life priorities
With both other girls (that I had 10 and 8 years ago), the focus was always on back to work, and enjoying the fleeting time I had with them…But also tearing myself away at 8 weeks PP with both to be back in an office/pumping/the whole 9 yards. Working mommas; I see you, I feel your pain. You’re happy to be back, activating your mind and being yourself, but then you’re torn because this part of your heart lives outside of you now, and generally wants to be with you/near you all the time!!
For me, now, that my life is established (and my PP experiences solidified my decision to be my own business owner…to live this season to the full and watch baby grow)….I find that yet, with each child, there’s a major shift that occurs, and now I just lean into it, and welcome the idea that I will want to switch up many elements of life as part of welcoming a new baby. It’s a seismic shift, and there’s no good reason to pretend like you have to go on just as before. I’m humbling asking for more help, to be able to continue doing what I love to do, and what fuels me, even as soon as I try to be more for each of my kiddos–it’s just not possible some days, and there’s no pride in trying to be alll things for all of your people (incl spouse ;):)
Sometimes, life with a new baby brings us ultra clarity about what we want to have in our life still (and what we’re happy to let go of)…I love this element, of simplifying, coming from a place of rest, and listening to yet again, our intuition. I always come out of the first few months newly convicted about new directions to take my business as a biz owner, creatively charged up in new directions as a content creator, coach, and more. I love letting go of things that aren’t serving me…and never looking back. This includes even relationships that don’t have a place/role in your new life with baby. Now, with homeschooling in the mix, I’m in a season of gathering inspiration and tools for that, and preparing for even more leaning into help to make it all happen.
People often ask me for tips about life design and generally productivity while in PP phase. The answer is: use all the small moments well. You may not have an hour chunk with no interruptions, but you can learn to embrace and use the smaller fragments:: 5 min here for a phone call/checking off the list, 10 minutes here for a computer session/email time, 15 minutes there for brainstorming or using those valuable (many) feeding hours for reading/reflection/journaling/making phone calls rather than just scrolling the feed (though there’s a rejuvenating time for that too!)
Coming soon…postpartum mini course sneak preview…
I really have so much to say on each and every one of these topics (often learned from doing it wrong, or learning from what happened in previous postpartums), and I only have so much space here…BUT, the postpartum mini course is the place where I get to share more–from my PP heart straight to yours.
Here’s a glimpse at some of what the PP course is covering:
Postpartum daily rituals
Postpartum mood management
Postpartum–siblings
Setting up support/structure for early weeks, and beyond
Core recovery
Postpartum fitness and nutrition
postpartum snacks
productivity and life design in postpartum
I’m having a blast creating this course, and it’s a gift to be able to share it from this place of being right in the middle of (coming out of the first 3 months) with my own sweet Eleanor Marie, where it’s all fresh in my mind and heart.
If you’re not a mom, or not in PP, but think this blog post or the upcoming course could benefit a friend, feel free to send them this link…I greatly appreciate it, as that’s how this blog grows and supports mommas.
Thank you to all those of you who have supported and been part of this postpartum journey of mine so far…it’s such a rich blessing to know that there are so many who are supporting, either physically if close by, sending gifts or meals, and generally creating such a warm welcome for Nellie.
I am still allowing myself to sift through my own life priorities, and letting new things come to the forefront now, as we head into the next phases of life with 5 kids…right at this beautiful cusp of welcoming the fall, etc.
Definitely this blog, and the postpartum mommas group and all the ways I get to serve you in your health and life design journeys is a huge source of inspiration and support to me, and I love getting to look at new layers and angles to continue in it.
Here’s the postpartum nutritional tools/packages I swear by, since some of you have been asking for specifics and links, it’s all here & you can message me or email me hello@maddypidel.com if you have questions or want to get free shipping, or bundle PP coaching sessions with it!
Postpartum nutrition packages
*Healthy digestion:
*PP sleep tools:
*Energy & mood:
*Multi/covering your bases
*Breastfeeding/milk production support
Packages: designed from my PP nook to your hearts & hom.
Essentials:
Give me the good stuff
The ultimate PP package
