Here we are, 1 month into ‘22. How are things shaping up for your year?They say it takes 21 days to form a new habit, and we’re at 31 days of working on new things for ‘22. How’s it feeling? What’s working, and where are you getting stuck? What’s on your heart to create more of? I’m here to support everything that you’re up to. Keep reading 😉
As you well know…80% of people will have given up on their new years resolutions by the 2nd week of Feb. And I know you’re on the other side of that stat, but perhaps you’re feeling a loss in motivation, and need a fresh perspective, mindset & some new tools to continue powering ahead towards your goals.Perhaps re-thinking how we set goals (vs building new habits) & setting up our feelings & intentions to align with those could be part of the issue…this is where a mindset coach comes in!
Mindset shifts lead to major life shifts. Thinking differently leads to acting differently, and getting different results.
One concept, if you’ve read the book Atomic Habits, is the idea that small positive changes that are relatively easy to do daily—without major resistance (which always appears when we’re trying to make positive life changes))—can then build into an upward spiral. We all know this is true. If we make a great first choice in the morning to workout before reaching for coffee, then we’re more likely to eat healthier during the day, have energy to be patient with our kids/coworkers/pets, and then make choices that lead us to go to bed early to do the whole thing over again tomm.This relates to the concept of microshifts—changing 1% of your day, or 15 minutes, to make the calls you’ve been putting off, or taking time to pray, to get in a mini workout, whatever it is, sometimes those simple shifts are what truly get us building momentum & soon we realize that we’re able to upgrade & shift alot of things in our day towards the life we envision.
Your ideal life & daily flow might be only a few microshifts away for you!
Another perspective on goals vs habits: Rather than focusing only on the stretch goal (run a marathon), we can focus in on the immediately do-able step towards the habit (get off the couch & go for a 30 min walk)…which can then, with consistency, become the habit that enables us to move daily & eventually, run that race! Perhaps along the way we realize that setting the goal of running a marathon was actually about feeling a certain level of fitness & daily satisfaction with working out…and the goal is about getting us to the habit, of the habitualized & intense fitness (which we can achieve with or without crossing the finish line).
What do you think of this? Does this help to shift the foucs on your stretch goals & focus instead on the habits, micro-shifts & processes that will get you closer to those goals?Keep scrolling down for some examples of some powerful microshifts I work with my life designers & inspired life clients on.I’m here for you. Onward & upward. Your dreams for ‘22 are real & deserve to be realized!
Want more of this (mindset work)? Consider doing the life design course or jumping into inspired life coaching with me. A fresh perspective & cheerleader—making your goals my own! Fill out this contact form below to discuss what will be best for you!
2021 has been quite a year. Maybe not on the level of 2020, but in some ways, even more challenging & complicated to navigate, as we tried in various ways to get back to life as normal, and yet still faced so many new frustations, challenges, precedents, expectations, differing views on the best way through the pandemic experience, etc.
I don’t know about you, but I’m totally ready for a quiet & simple holiday season. This topic is always dear to my heart, and I find it always strikes a chord. We want to find a way through that doesn’t leave us battered & burnt-out by December 31st.
But how to pull that off?
For some of us, travel is back in the picture. It can certainly feel complicated, even when you’re excited about being with loved ones….the logistics can really eat away at the fun…or it can be viewed as an opportunity to change the pace, and, yep, simplify!
For us, after being home for 4 Christmases in a row (unusual) due to putting down roots in CT, new baby (Blaise born Jan), home reno craziness, and pregnant with Nellie/wanting to stay put last year…we’re ready to hit the road & enjoy some time with our Southern family.
(And we just came back from a glorious weekend in Portland, ME, unplugged & exploring, spending time in nature, in fun new places, soaking up the family time).
It’s in sync with our general feel that we want to focus on experiences, memory making & quality time as a family, over stuff, toys, more junk for the home & kids this year. I know others are feeling the same.
Staying home is amazing, and yet also presents its own challenges: how to host graciously but without being overly stressed & exhausted by the experience? How to rein in the desire to go overboard with decorating, bursting the budget & everyone’s patience as you decorate everything you can lay your hands on? (guilty of that last year thanks to nesting & home project mode).
How to lean into the experiences, moments, and memories that you want to carry with you, and that you all value, and to let go of the rest, or have it fade into the background?
Sometimes, it’s about making a DON’T DO list, along with your TO DO’s lists.
I can tell you with full clarity that I NEVER want to have the experience (again) of rushing around to stores like target or walmart, in evening traffic (it’s pitch black by 5 here), shopping frantically for stuff that may or may not be super important to have, but that feeling of frenzy & being out & about (especially with an infant) when I could be home cozy by the fire. No thanks. I’ll pass up on those deals, refocus on shopping locally, or creatively, & save my time & sanity 😉
For some people, it’s about skipping the long mall lines for Santa pics, and choosing to do something that suits your family better, like going to pick & cut your own tree, or doing a caroling party with friends.
What’s on your holiday DON’T DO list?
But, so, how to do holidays well? How to lean into the good stuff…and somehow carry the load of it all peacefully? How to discern what to go all-in, pinterest details crazy on, and what to offload, outsource or streamline so it causes no brainpower or stress. Certainly, some things like holiday greeting cards, can be as simplified or as complicated as you like–time & budget allowing. Other things like baking might thrill some families, and leave other families lackluster. So you’ll want to lean into your own particular emphasis for the season, and leave comparison or insta-envy at the door.
Here’s a few tips & musings of mine, that I hope will be helpful. I don’t have all the answers, but I have been trying for years to find that balance of holiday season work & play, rest & bustle, memory making, and detail check-listing. At the end of the day, leaving extra space for the unexpected is always my favorite part, especially with little ones. Sometimes they just need the room to be creative, cozy, playful, imaginative, generous (making gifts for loved ones), etc. It’s too tempting to over-program the days around the holidays but we all need down time for rest, and cozy winter rituals like tea & reading.
Make a list of your priorities & top traditions. Pretty obvious but this is always where to start. Now my kids are old enough, the girls remember our “traditions” during Advent & the weeks before Christmas. We talk about the things we’ve done, what our options are, and then make our list & get organized/ get tix. Things like Breakfast with Santa get mixed interest from the crowd, but other things like the Holiday train show will get 100% major satisfaction & is worth the effort that goes into such outings. Once you have this list, it’s pretty easy to start with the most important & work down, when you’ll do them, and everything else falls into place around this. When your kids are little, and you’re intentionally working to create these traditions, it’s good to keep the bigger picture/vision in mind–and lean into things that you feel will stand the test of time.
Decide WHO you want to make memories with. For us, we usually plan a cookie party, and this year we plan to invite some new friends. We’re doing a few key December outings & invited friends *and mothers helpers* along to make them extra fun. I have a moms brunch on the calendar that doubles as an excuse for a bit of shopping, and the kids have specific things like ice-skating that they will be meeting friends for. The month can fill so fast, so I like to sit down with the kids, chat about it all (#1), mark in dates/plan with folks & reserve/get tix well before Dec 1 hits, so that the rush of everyone’s full calendars doesn’t affect you getting that time that you want with friends & loved ones.
Carve out down time. This might sound counterintuitive or obvious after points 1 & 2. But the whole thing about filling your calendar is, you also need to balance it with—rest, quiet, cozy fireside, peaceful “crafternoons” as we jokingly call them fill in some of that down time for us, as do long fireside evenings with Christmas read-alouds, etc. Get out for fresh air & nature time. Parents–make time for dates: walks and hot cocoa are our favorite during fall/winter, or intentional family time even in the midst of what feels to be an extra full season. Having a list of family holiday movie favorites and some new board games by the fire is a great way to connect & decompress during the December weeks.
Get outside. This is so important on so many levels. It’s important especially to get out into nature & soak up the fresh winter air, get some Vit D during the precious daylight hours, get the lungs pumping & bodies moving. This is especially important for combatting the stress of staring at the to-do list or the rarely-clean kitchen during busy weeks, etc. It will also motivate you—get your checklisting done during rainy or quiet/cold days & get out into the winter sunshine whenever opportunity allows. This can also turn into gathering fresh greens, berries, or other foliage for indoor decor, and double as nature’s shopping trip 😉 Nature always gives us a chance for a fresh perspective on the day & our priorities.
Don’t be afraid to say NO. A few years ago, I read a book called the BEST YES. Its premise is that in order for your YES to be “the best”, you have to be saying NO to lots of things that aren’t a good fit or worthy of your attention/energy. That way, you’ve created space to say YES fully & go all in on things that matter to you. These holiday weeks you might be getting all the invites & some of them sound great, and some don’t. Or the pressures of school play & volunteering etc coinciding with other holiday events makes you want to pull your hair out. Just say no. No one will die. Better to underpromise & keep your sanity & happiness than to over-commit, regret it, run around like a crazy person, and get so flustered you forget that we’re celebrating the simplest event in human history: a baby born in a stable.
Don’t sacrifice sleep. Let’s just say, learned this one from experience. You need your rest, and this is officially hibernation season. Embrace zzs, for your health: both physical & mental. I love a good epsom salt bath, some dark chocolate & fireside cuddles or reading to reset & renew….but yes, sleep trumps all. Here’s my new favorite sleep supplement (dream serene) to help you get your best night of sleep.
Take care of yourself. Vitamins, exercise, regular meals, sounds basic but in the scramble of a busy season it can easily get shelved or go out the window. Everyone in your life needs you at your best. So schedule it, plan it in when approaching each day & make it happen. Stretch, walk daily, eat fresh greens, seasonal soups, drink delicious teas rather than just pounding caffeinated/sugary drinks from the starbucks holiday menu. Here’s a few of my favorites, starting with…the oh-so-necessary….Stress Relief complex (with ashwaganda). You better believe I take one of these daily as part of my best & simplified December.
Just exhale & welcome quiet & stillness. Simple, but oh so hard sometimes. I take inspiration from the colder weather, the chance to curl up indoors or by a roaring fire while flurries fall outside here in CT. Take a deep breath, gather inspiration from advent reflections (I snagged the The Holy Way: a beautiful advent journal compiled by my friend Elizabeth), write about what’s important for you & why. Make this a journey of the soul, and let all your inspired activities & generous crafting, decorating & gifting come from the simple impulse of a heart, in love.
Outsource & streamline. This is pretty obvious, right? Don’t scrub your toilets while baking & prepping for guests to arrive–let someone else take care of that! Get your meal plans set up, groceries delivered, and don’t hesitate to utilize take-out on the especially full days so you can be present to what you need to. Streamline your outings/errands (or find a way to get it all done online or extremely locally;), and batch work & play where you can. It may not be perfect, but the goal is to help you focus in on your core December goals, and areas of interest for the holidays, keep you in flow, and let the other stuff fade into the background.
Focus on EXPERIENCES, over STUFF. This is my intention for this season, and already, having unplugged & spent the busiest shopping weekend of the year hiking, exploring with the fam, and watching the waves roll on the coast of Maine, I have no regrets. We’ll always remember the people, the moments, and the intentions behind the gifts more than the gifts themselves. So see how you can simplify, and give YOURSELF & the gift of TIME this year…present & peaceful, and…thriving!
It’s ok if the gingerbread isn’t made from scratch. If you have cute decorating kits & everyone in the family gets into it, we’ll call it a win. It’s ok if you don’t do alot of December outings this year; if you decide your energy is better focused at home on simple decor & celebration moments…what matters is that you’re serene, clear-headed, and your heart is quiet enough to be able to hear the whisperings of magic & the callings to your heart during these weeks.
Cheers friends. I know this is easier said than done, but hopefully if we keep these ideas in the forefront, we’ll savor & celebrate all the moments of the season, and come out of it all renewed, inspired, invigorated, filled up with the goodness & pure beauty of life during these meaningful moments.
Yes, I know there are many reasons why the holidays can be a particularly challenging season. And simplifying can only make it better. Keep some space open for renewal of heart & mind & body, and preparing to face the new year…transformed.
She can’t wait for her first Christmas!:)
This is our chance. Let’s thrive through the holidays. And focus in on the greatest gift—of new life given to us in this season that makes sense of every moment of our life.
lots of love & gratitude for you!
Maddy
PS: Tag me if you’re sharing about how you’re #thrivingthroughtheholidays & tag me @maddypidel
What a year. In so many ways, a time of testing, and of turning upside down so many things we held dear or took for granted.
At the same time, it’s been a year with a multitude of blessings: a chance for more calm, more space, more quiet, more time with loved ones, less stress and everyday bustle. We’ve had to really re-evaluate all our commitments and relationships, now with a new context of being safe and responsible regarding the virus, but also with an eye to the new, huge array of opportunities.
I am grateful that my family has experienced blessings in this year, and I’m keenly aware of how difficult this year has been for so many. Many families have lost income, had to relocate in the midst of the pandemic, have juggled competing work and childcare demands, and done it all in isolation from much needed help from family and friends.
In many ways, we were spared from the worst of the crisis. Our family was very lucky not to have our financial wellbeing threatened. We had no job loss or lack of economic opportunities, and we had safely settled into our new home in a great neighborhood just before the lockdown hit. By this time last year, our huge home renovation project was (miraculously) at a calm and reasonable pausing point.
But I also know that none of us were un-affected. The normalcy of going to playgrounds, seeing friends, going to restaurants, museums, and school, was all called into question. My family began to have a totally home-centered life, and while it suits us well and we really love it and thrive here in our home, it was still something that required a stripping of expectations, a surrender, a re-orienting of hearts and minds.
At the beginning of 2020, I choose three words for the year: Simplicity, Savoring, and Surrender.
Choosing words for each year is a practice I began a few years back. I tend to be a performance oriented person. I love my lists, my goals, my short-term and long-term planning. For me, choosing words or themes or virtues to define my year keeps me focused on the gentler, bigger picture of growth and the life I want to live, rather than putting too much emphasis on a list of goals or thresholds to measure my performance or my worth.
Choosing these themes and words has proven to be immensely helpful for me. I like to stick with three, both so that there can be some distinction and diversity between the concepts and also so the alliteration keeps them front of mind.
Clearly, the Holy Spirit had something in mind for me when He led me to simplicity, savoring, and surrender for 2020. Lessons that I’m still unpacking.
In early 2020. I savored our home even as we painted, cleaned, cleared out, and finished many of our spaces to be a place we truly love. I savored many moments with kids, unexpected time with the girls home from school, then a transition to homeschooling this fall. I savored our ability to shape and work hard to create meaning, balance, flow, and peace in days that were now, suddenly, so open-ended.
We savored watching spring turn to summer, watching our littles grow before our eyes, long golden days and evenings in our new garden, romping in the yard, swimming at our local lake, eating dinner outside. We savored all the time with dad during the time he was home with us (in lockdown). We savored regular walks, local hikes, moments in nature, and all things that were “safe” to do. We savored new neighborhood relationships and friendships that deepened during quarantine.
We embraced simplicity, of life and of schedule. Weekly trips to the grocery store were considered our outings. The focus was simple days, simple pleasures, simple moments with kids: sitting and reading to them, playing, cultivating of our home spaces, gardening & tending to our outdoor spaces, cooking, and doing dishes peacefully, after months of living in a constant state of upheaval and stretched between two homes in fall 2019. I saw my kids embrace simpler days and thrive without having to leave our home, neighborhood yards, or walkable town. Their contentment inspired me to dig deeper into simple joyful routines of my own.
Simplicity & embracing what’s essential…giving in to days that prioritize rest, nourishment, connection, and creativity….are beautiful seasons indeed. That’s what 2020 allowed for many of us. Stripping away the extra & superfluous led us deeper into the callings of our heart, our creative natures, allowed us to stretch, learn new things, care for our selves & families & homes in new intentional ways.
I surrendered (not always graciously) to the day-in-day-out demands of motherhood with four littles. The hard moments jumble right up next to the simple and beautiful ones, and it leaves me every evening falling into bed exhausted and knowing I gave my all.
I surrendered my expectations of what home life, work life, and school life would look like, when they all blurred together even more than before (and yet, beautifully, I saw how they informed, inspired, and lifted each other up). I also surrendered the pain and frustration of challenging relationships that were not working anymore, letting go of bitterness and letting our smaller, slower life show me that it was okay to forgive and move onward in peace.
I surrendered my hopes for a school year that would look like the previous ones had and embraced the beautiful mess (sometimes not beautiful, just messy) of homeschooling. I surrendered to a tough(er) first trimester with this baby, grateful that in those early weeks when I napped daily, was constantly nauseous, and rarely (never) made dinner, we had a dear cousin able to come stay with us to help. I surrendered yet again to allowing my work goals to shift and look different for the fall (and yet, somehow to feel more confident and passionate about what I doing than ever before as I watch so many of us step back to reconsider and redesign our lives). We started work on our unfinished basement, and surrendered (me, less than patiently) with the delays, setbacks, and challenges of doing renovation work during Covid-19.
As I look ahead to the spring, I am surrendering my expectations (me, the ultimate planner) to what life will look like with five. I know it will be different, will stretch us, and will be beautiful just as every stage of life has before it.
Surrender doesn’t come easily for me. But I’m immensely grateful for all the opportunities to watch a bigger, better plan unfold this year and to learn to expand my heart and mind, always.
These three themes helped guide, anchor, and motivate me during some of the challenges of the year. They helped me appreciate all the good moments…simple and savoring as they might be.
2020…the year we embraced HOME and fell deeply in love with ours. The year I transitioned from “I’ll never homeschool” to “we’re going to do this and give it our best shot,” and then fell in love with the pace of life it gives us. The year we relished each social gathering and strategically chose the friendships to invest in and allowed others to recede. The year when family became more central than ever.
I will never forget this year. I’m truly grateful for the lessons that I needed to learn. I hope to carry them with me as we step across the threshold of the new year and acknowledge just how much resilience and strength this year has required of us.
Congrats on making it to the end of 2020! You’re a different version of yourself, hopefully a version you’re proud of or surprised by. The odds are that you did some pretty extraordinary things this year, and it’s good to celebrate what you’ve endured and worked through. Here’s to building on all of this, and running into 2021, together!
Curious: What were your main lessons & takeaways from 2020?
Have you ever chosen themes or intentions for your new year?
Thanks for being part of my 2020. You’re a big part of the reason why I wake up every day inspired, hopeful, and ready to continue doing my small part to make this world better, brighter, kinder.
*Shout out of gratitude for my sister Annie who faithfully edits & improves these posts!*
Exactly a year ago, we signed the papers & grabbed the keys for our very own fixer upper home project, one that we knew would stretch & challenge us. In some ways, it’s a very good thing we didn’t know just how in over our heads we would feel last fall as we rushed to renovate most of the main spaces before moving in. We had no idea how it would all unfold, but we were excited & ready.
The good news is, here we are, a year later…so happy, so grounded and at home in this space that’s both old and new. It’s been a shelter & our true happy place during the turmoil of 2020. We’re thrilled with the progress we’ve made and always neck deep in the next project. Currently working on Phase II which is finishing the large basement & creating our ideal rec room, and finishing the mud room (garage entrance) and laundry space.
I sketched the outline for this post a year ago when I was fresh out of the late nights—staying up painting trim, welcoming crews each morning, and just generally in the thick of it. Even at that time, I could tell the experience was changing me and changing our family. But as with all things, it’s taken time for this post to go from a seed in my mind to germinated thoughts & experiences in full bloom.
Now, a full year later, I’m excited to take this anniversary as an opportunity to share some of these thoughts about our #pidelprojecthome (@pidelprojecthome).
Transformations require massive amounts of patience.
We live in a world of quick updates & slap-dash before/afters bombarding us from social media. Not everyone likes to acknowledge the slow process, the messy middle, the curveballs, the two-steps-forward-one-step-back that comes with real, beautiful, timeless transformations…of homes and of our hearts & selves.
2. It often has to look worse before it looks better.
Picture any house after the demo process of ripping everything out—piles of dust & old radiators, moldings, junk everywhere. We literally had four dumpsters for our project over the span of four months, slowly carting away old layers of the house to replace it with new.
It’s a bit like someone in the middle of a KonMari de-cluttering when all their belongings are laid out in piles on their floor. It can be hard to start these kinds of excavations of spaces and selves because we’re fearful of this element of the process. It quickly becomes larger than our control, and we have to surrender to the process itself, until with the lack of tidiness comes a true sense that big things are happening here. That’s when we have to lean in.
3. People won’t undertand the process and that’s okay.
During our intense nine-week timeframe for renovation (yes, we did it as a major sprint because we didn’t have to be living there during the time), I felt like we were in a bubble, a completely all-engrossing cloud, that others couldn’t really reach us in.
That was hard for me at first, and then I became at peace with it. Sometimes, when you’re committed to making big changes in your life, and you set out to take those actions, it will feel lonely at first. Things are shifting & the relationships in your life may change too. Not everyone will be able to relate to where you are and why you’re doing it. That’s okay. Once you move past the grief of this, it can be incredibly freeing.
And these times of intense growth can still allow for powerful relationships, it just has to be based on a new kind of communication and an acknowledgment of just how different things are. You need people who can love you where you’re at, as you evolve. Anyone who can relate to & stick with you through an intense growth phase is a keeper, a friend you will value more deeply than ever.
4. The vision is what will enable you to carry through the tough moments.
I talk a lot about vision boards. There’s something so important and powerful about creating a clear vision of where you’re headed. With design, it’s obviously an essential step to creating the new space, but it has a similar importance when we’re considering the future life that we’re creating for ourselves (and how our own personal work ties into that life vision).
It’s scary, but so powerful to put a visual up on a wall (yes, I’m a big believer in doing it old-school style for maximum daily connection) to remind yourself every day where you’re headed. Keeping eyes on that vision is your best chance to pulls through the tough moments when we wonder whether it’s all worth it.
5. The result of hard work is always beautiful, and you’re forever changed.
This one is so simple, but so powerful. When we sat up & rubbed the dust off (and took off our painting clothes), we looked at each other, my husband and I, and marveled at just how much we had changed, alongside the spaces we were working on.
Our hearts & our eyes can see when work has been poured into a space (or a personal transformation). The love and care & detail that went into it becomes its spirit. Same with our own inner work: the results show up in who we become and enter into every future interaction we have. It’s the BE-DO-HAVE model, lived out. In order to be ready to welcome our abundant beautiful life in our new home, it required us to allow ourselves to change first, before having what we had desired & envisioned. (More on this in my life design program if you’re intrigued)
6. Simplicity is always a good idea. Complicating things creates more excuses, mental clutter, & reasons for it not to work. Keep it simple.
This is just as true with personal growth as with an old home. Don’t overcomplicate things. Stay focused on the vision & the clear path that can get you there. Over-complicating things is usually a form of resistance—our brain & ego keeping us from just GOING FOR IT and going all in.
7. You will NOT do it alone.
Yes, you may experience loneliness as you realize that your former relationships aren’t carrying you in the same way on this courageous journey you’re on. But in reality, there will be key people who serve as inspiration, as mentors, as coaches, as friends, and you will be amazed by the NEW help & relationships that come into your life when you undertake this kind of journey. We absolutely learned this during our project, and we were blown away by the people that stepped up & truly saw this project out to its conclusion, even when the going got tough and the deadlines were real.
8. The effort is transformative in itself because we learn to work hard for things that matter to us.
This one was a hard one for me, and boy did our home renovation teach us this. It’s easy to focus on the glamorous side of a reno: picking out the tiles, materials, and colors. But then you hit the nitty gritty: the late nights, encouraging workers to meet their deadlines, hauling materials in every weekend, the millions of runs to Home Depot, bringing out boxes and boxes in an ice storm as part of project clean up…these are the experiences that make us love & value our home even more. The lessons learned from the hard work can be seen as their own reward…and they add to the beauty of the final product!
9. Break it into simple, doable steps, day by day, so as not to get overwhelmed.
This is very true in reno life. It’s literally, one thing at a time, one layer at a time, overlapping trades needed for certain moments, building upon each other’s work. The over-arching goal remains, but the steps & focus for each day is bite-sized. The way we kept ourselves from being overwhelmed in moments with this huge house project was to focus on what we could accomplish just in that day or week. Then the next. And soon…you realize it’s nearly complete!
It’s true in our personal work too. It’s why I coach my clients not to set too many goals or priorities…feeling overwhelmed will keep you from moving any of them forward. Same thing goes for setting stretch or unreachable goals—we need to be working on something that we can see to the end of, and then we go a bit further the next time, building momentum & confidence as we go. Set yourself up to have frequent, small wins, and soon you’ll be addicted to the stretch & growth of personal development.
We moved in 4 days before Christmas so this felt like a true Christmas miracle.
10. Stay humble and make gratitude the focus.
Loving attention to detail, bringing order & beauty, and new life & vision out of old & worn out habits/patterns/ways of life is the great gift we are all called to discover & live. Transforming an old home last year drove home all these lessons that I’ve been learning in my own work in personal development, my own journey, as well as coaching others through transformations in their health, life, and businesses.
The gift of living in a home that has been transformed through a vision made reality by daily sweat, communication, logistics, and effort, that we had the privilege to shape, design, and put intentional effort is a great reminder of a deep truth about all transformations. Namely, we must trust the process, build patience, stay open to all the ways that change, once begun, will be out of our control and will take us to places we’ve never even imagined going.
However, the initial choice is always ours—to take a chance and begin to tear down old walls, so that new ones can be built.
I realize this post may be unintentionally controversial, and I’m not here to have a discussion about modesty & whether bikinis should be worn.
The fact of the matter is, occasionally, I wear them. Sometimes I don’t when I know I’ll be super active or prefer to have more coverage.
Many moms just tell themselves that after they have kids, that’s it…they will never be the “same”.
Well, that’s true. You’re forever changed…for the better. Your heart changes in all the best ways, and while yes, pregnancy & birth can leave their marks on our bodies, I believe that these are things that we should acknowledge, share, and celebrate.
I could easily run down the list…the belly button will never be quite the same as it was before being stretched & expanded to a breaking point 4 times…stretch marks are a reality for many, varicose veins for some, and the list of undesirable goes on…
But, at some point along the way, I realized that my kids deserve for me to:
a) Work hard to be at my best, for them. To not use anything as an excuse for taking care of myself, nutrition, exercise, rest, general self-care, and almost the most important, mental health habits that allow me to be a positive, present, (mostly) calm momma.
b) Be an example for them of joy, energy, health, loving the gifts of their life, including the body they have to care for. I witness this self-acceptance (especially important for my girls), and face my own demons, in working towards this everyday, gently & with intention.
Mommas, our bodies have done incredible things in creating, birthing, feeding and raising these humans. Let’s celebrate them, and build each other up as well (it makes me so sad to see moms sitting around telling each other about all their body & life complaints & then validating for each other that it’s ok to do nothing about it, and to stay frustrated & unhappy).
The 2 main tools I use in postpartum (well, starting in pregnancy) for my core strength, and fighting gravity and the “mummy tummy” is to rely on the Every Mother workout programs…for a strong core in pregnancy, which is key for birth and early recovery. They have an amazing early reclaim program that offers safe simple exercises (via an app) starting a week after birth–and then you can transition to their standard “reclaim” program at 6 weeks PP. The second tool I use (besides my full postpartum nutrition regimen, see here)…is the 7 day healthy cleanse, always after about 6 months PP. Here’s an example of how this helps me (in conjunction with the exercises) to fight bloating and unnecessary extra weight around the middle…resetting metabolism, digestion, and more in the months following baby.
This is safe to do in postpartum, with modifications.
These 2 tools, and the PP stretching series I created (below) have helped countless other mothers I know, and truly, it’s not just about looking good in a cute suit (though that’s important too). It’s about avoiding back pain, core weakness, tendencies to hernias, pelvic floor weakness, and so much more that comes with the territory (if we aren’t actively working on fitness & strength during childbearing seasons).
A mindset shift I like to make in pregnancy & postpartum is not bemoaning the inevitable changes to our bodies (which are many)…but in focusing in on what we CAN do…celebrating and being grateful for all that our bodies are doing to care for, support, grow, nurture these little perfect humans, as well as what we’re able to do for ourselves, our communities…it’s a simple but crucial shift. If you need to, start an affirmations list that includes the things that you’re grateful you can do–run after your kids in the yard,
I used to be a fitness junkie…I did HIIT almost every day after my 2nd chid…but with a less than strong core, it wasn’t entirely what my body needed. Mindul movement and gentle approaches to fitness and health in pregnancy & postpartum will serve us best in the long run. Of course, each person has a different starting point, and it’s good to celebrate the fact that our bodies are designed to recover well & be even stronger than before, with the right tools & support.
To all the mommas out there who are wondering whether they should show off the ways in which their children have changed them, my answer is YES. You are more beautiful than you may ever know. Look into their eyes and you’ll see the answer there…you’re their everything, and deserve to feel that way no matter what.
If you’re curious to try the Every Mother program, it’s literally never to late (or early) to heal or prevent diasistis recti & all the conditions that come with it.
If you want to check out the 7 day healthy cleanse, you can order your kit here, and email me hello@maddypidel.com to get your guide, meal plan, healthy modifications, and all the tools you need to get started.
You’re truly incredible momma, and you deserve to feel & look amazing!Vibrancy starts with the inside out, and that special glow & spark you bring to everything you do!
xx
maddy
PS, email me hello@maddypidel.com to learn about my new INSPIRED MOTHERHOOD coaching offerings, to help you live your motherhood, inspired.
This time of coronavirus pandemic has meant that life has changed, overnight. Many of us are still unpacking what it all means, and working from the ground up to build new rhythms for our days. Suddenly, many of us are homeschooling our children (in the midst of our work and other obligations) and while it’s an abrupt shift, and has been challenging for many of us, I firmly believe that we will look back at this season, and see alot of good in it.
My own childhood history is that of homeschooling, for all of elementary and even for highschool. It was a blessing that I know shaped who I am tremendously, and while I know full well the inherent challenges of it, I have also been a first-hand beneficiary & recipient of so much of the best parts about homeschooling–the freedom, independence, forced habits of personal discipline and motivation, and the reminder that at the end of the day, we are all responsible for our own education. Learning seeds of this (in the right nurtured environment) early on, can shape the trajectory of a beautiful educational experience of a lifetime.
It’s one of those things that can look messy in real-time, in the process, but stepping back just a bit, it’s a beautiful thing. We all need to give ourselves grace and remember that our kids see us, doing our best, adjusting at a steep curve and learning alongside them all (those of us who haven’t been homeschooling)…and in the end, we’ll all look back and say–it wasn’t easy but we did it!
Love establishing our habit of prayer & journaling and learning about a virtue–combined with some read aloud as needed 😉
Here’s a few glimpses into our perfectly imperfect homeschooling life (of one full week), and a few thoughts & tips/tools that I hope may make it just a tiny bit easier and less stressful for you.
*Keeping our mindset on the bigger picture enables us to stay positive throughout–focusing on what we can accomplish each day with all the time we now have at home. I have to remain flexible while firm about a certain list of things getting done, but the order in which they happen may shift, and working on building habits of responsibility and self-direction/motivation in the kids as a top priority. We’re doing a combo of online & book learning, as many of you are, so it ends up being like “station rotation” at our house (like the girls were used to from school): 30 min with me at the dining table, working on specific worksheets/assignments, then a small break for a chore or quick play in the yard, or 30 minutes of free reading, they can sneak off to a comfy spot in the house (quiet and away from little brothers)…before coming back for a 30 minute session in their google classroom in the office, or playing math games on this fun site called www.abcya.com (believe me, it makes me very happy to see how much joy they get out of “fraction monsters”–the bigger fraction eating the smaller one–and it’s entertaining 3 of them (oldest sis gets a mini audience for part of it).
Their simple joy about choosing and planting seeds is contagious. Daily #actsofhope during this time.
*Keeping things light and positive is definitely the name of the game to keep my own stress levels down, and to keep us powering through our day. I’ve chosen to offer rotating “specials” classes, just like they had at school. They get a kick out of this–with science class being planting seeds last week (an ultimate #actofhope in these dark times–that better, brighter days are coming)…and art class, cooking class and PE were we’ll be learning more about certain sports. Having it feel novel and fun (with short segments of focus) is what’s working for us.
Field studies at a local park: nature walk & beach/stream play.
*Here’s a great checklist that has basically taken all the stress out of having to keep them reminded of what they need to do. I detail out all the things we need to have them do in a given day, and establish a simple reward for each week (it’s been a new craft), and they eagerly refer to them often and remind me of what needs to get done. This takes the fighting out of any particular moment when I ask them to do it–I just refer to the chart. And vice versa, I don’t have to control too tightly the order in which things happen: I let them dictate that, so long as it all gets done over the course of the day. It’s really been a life saver and I even established a small checklist for myself to ensure I hit my own daily self-care and personal goals along with the work and family commitments we all feel. With so many big things out of our control, it’s so nice to feel that this one thing–our rhythm, our daily work and commitments, can be checked off a list and represents a day intentionally lived.
*Talk about it all. I have been checking in with them frequently to see how they are feeling about things–if they feel they are getting enough support, if assignments feel easy, hard, at the end of each day how they feel it went–their “highs and lows” (we love this great book to make it a family dinner affair) and of course, talking in general terms about how we’re all handling this crisis. This is an important moment, these little beautiful people are processing a huge life change alongside us, and I want to honor and respect that. For one of mine, it’s also meant some face-timing with her classmates to fill the social hole she feels missing. We all have to take the approach that we’re figuring this out one day at a time, and I think involving the kids in that, so they know they are agents of their new life, is hugely helpful.
I have to admit: when we designed this space a few months back, I thought to myself it would be perfect for homeschool moments…
*Tidying breaks. This is a major lesson learned–if we let the normal messes of schooling build up, it gets to my peace. I love a mid-morning and lunch time quick tidy that everyone can be involved in; and more than ever this is when our spaces need to be well organized with easy access to materials, and a beautiful, calm and productive environment for them to learn. Grateful that we’re able to tailor our new spaces and just test out how things flow best regarding which classes or activities for schooling take place where. Just like in their classrooms, kids love it when we mix it up, and they also respond well to order.
*Regarding schedule–what works for us is some flexibility and grace (spoken as a mom of 4, with lots of moving parts and little needs from everyone)…I don’t sweat if we don’t get everything done before lunch; there are plenty of other moments in the day and afternoon, but I DO emphasize down-time/quiet time during Blaise’s nap–and I will often get my own work done then, or focus in with the older girls, and I make sure that we all MOVE every day—that hasn’t been too hard as they just run out the door any moment they get when it’s sunny. When it’s rainy, we’ll pull out the yoga mats and do some good ol’ mindful movement. Walking/riding bikes in the neighborhood helps all of our moods, and I’ve tried to keep a steady flow of slightly new crafts/coloring pages, and art materials flowing in, so they are always eager to use. Again, we’re only 1 week in, but I know Michaels and other places are having fantastic online sales, and we can get alot of great stuff delivered that can help make this all as bright & fun as possible.
I know that at the end of each day, I want them to know that we learned together, we did our very best, and we were kind and positive to each other. That we listened well, and grew together. It’s challenging me in all the right ways, and stretching my momma heart (with so much pride, especially, for how resilient they can be) and I am very grateful for the hidden blessings and lessons of a challenging time.
I’m resurfacing and returning to blogging in this humble corner of the web, after a whirlwind fall 2019 into Jan 2020. We were doing a big renovation of an old home, and moved the family in right before Christmas. With this season of life, many things were put aside and the essentials came into clear focus. It helped to further frame some of my thoughts and experiences around healthy living, self-care, staying balanced even while being quite busy, and my mantra “radical self care for radical service” which I developed in the midst of trying to keep my sense of self, my achievements and balance in the midst of a busy season of motherhood. This phrase has resonated with many–we can sometimes struggle with feeling like self-care is actually selfish. And don’t get me wrong, it can be. Our cultural extremes of prioritizing expensive yoga weekends away in Costa Rica, massages, weekly manicures, and much more (gym memberships we hardly use) all justified by “self-care”. But in these busy seasons of life that we all experience, we can know all too well that without proper healthy habits, we can burn-out, or start being miserable, losing connection with the joy of the everyday, and our bigger purpose. I already faced that exact challenge (9 years ago, as a new mom, and pushing myself in a demanding career/work environment…it all fell apart, and took months of self-exploration to discover where things went wrong with my inability to have healthy boundaries and personal habits for effectiveness) That’s what led me to where I am now…a health & mindset coach. Sometimes our biggest challenges turn into our biggest blessings.
So for me, especially last year–when life demanded much of me, in the form of 4 small children (a brand new babe), running a business, launching new offerings, and renovating a home and moving the family–it became even more crystal clear to me–in the moments when life demands much of us; we need to work hard to BE at our best, so we can rise to the occasion.
And sometimes, those habits have to be streamlined to fit into the smallest margins of the day–not less important, just less time given to them.
In an era where we are increasingly sitting, often at desks, or hunched over a glowing screen, I believe that daily mindful/functional movement, and time outside, as well as consciously unplugged, away from our phones, is a crucial form of self-care, as well as a means to preserve our sanity and our mental and physical health. I am a big proponent (need to go back to this habit) of unplugged weekends, and mini 7 day screen detoxes…to keep ourselves free from the unhealthy patterns and behaviors related to it. We all know we need that space to be our most creative, alive, thoughtful, and focused.
I didn’t do a single gym workout btwn Sept-Dec, but I did manage to squeeze in regular walks with the boys–from our new home site, to local Church, and walking naps for them. Regular walks are so good for my mental health as well. I didn’t spend alot of time developing new recipes, or all those things my health coach self normally loves to do, but I (we) did eat well, to fuel ourselves for a busy season, and meal planned/prepped, batch cooked so that we wouldn’t get swallowed up by eating on a crazy schedule. We also learned to not sweat the small stuff as much, to give things up temporarily, knowing that things would re-balance and come into a new, better normal in our new lifestyle. Sometimes that perspective and mindset shift is all we need, and the most important thing to let go of is…expectations, and guilt!
I’ve spent 2 years resetting my own mindset to be around “intuitive eating” vs a restrictive/obsessive focus on “clean” eating. With so many ways of eating “healthy” out there, it can truly begin to take too much of our mental space. Clean eating is a means to an end, not an end in itself. During our busy project, we ate our fair share of meals grabbed on the go, take out (not Mcdonalds of course) etc while wrapped up with the home–BUT, having the baseline of self-care, resilience habits and tools built in, it meant that I didn’t go into overboard burn-out mode, like the me of a few years ago might have. I knew the demanding days required a strong balancing act, so I focused in on those few (simple, quick, affordable) self-care habits that work well for me. When you zero in on what those are, then you don’t have to worry as much about what the busy seasons of life will do. You know, that at your core, your priorities, values and habits can remain the same. And that you’ll be able to take in new things, and adjust/shift/offload (I said NO to quite a few normal commitments), and then re-evaluate and continue on as life evolves.
This was the opportunity to test all of what I’d been experimenting with, and I found that the exploration I had into mindful movement, intuitive eating and a “less is more” mentality regarding focus on exercise and health (yes, this coming from a coach!) served me VERY well in a season when absolutely every day, I needed to be functioning at my best. And don’t get me wrong, when you have a little one under 1, sleep is often the sacrificed element, and that can be hard, and wear on us, but we can also be strategic about the habits of REST that we build into each day.
Needless to say, at the start of this new decade, I’m completely in awe of the experiences of the past years, the lessons learned and where they’ve lead me. I hope to share bits of it, in case any of it is valuable. I know alll too well the familiar burn-out that is sadly quite common in our go-go-go culture. It can sneak in to our life without us realizing it, and it can steal our daily and deep joy.
I encourage you to consider–what are the daily tools and habits that are most important to you, to be at your best? What are the areas you’ve been ignoring or need to give attention to for a more balanced life? It might even be habits related to mental and emotional health, which cannot be neglected, just like our nutrition can’t be ignored without consequences…
It’s good to step out of the cliches of self-care, and do a deep personal examination. For one person–the loud cross fit gym is the perfect place to discipline themselves and build health, for another person, it’s quiet hikes in nature, alone. For one of us, it might be regular pedicures, and for another person, it might be more crucial for self-care to get time in prayer, or visiting with dear friends, or for a mom, to stroll through the grocery store alone can be the ultimate perspective/life giving habit…it’s all about being deeply AWARE of where you’re energized, where you’re drained, what habits will be a part of building you towards your larger, more long-term goals and desires. We explore all of this in my life design course, and it’s powerful, crucial stuff.
As I’m reminded by my dear husband, it isn’t good to idolize health, or to prioritize focusing on it, over other goods. BUT, it’s also true that a baseline of health–physical, mental, emotional, is crucial and needed for any service and good we hope to do in the world, in our families and communities. Otherwise we’ll end up causing more harm than good to ourselves and our endeavors, without a proper perspective and balance. Radical self-care for radical service is my choice, and how I want to live and model for my children to live.
What about YOU? How are your habits in this new decade, reflecting the sense of what you believe you’re called to accomplish in the coming months and years?!
And, just to get you started, here’s a few of my favorite weekly/daily self-care moments that help me. You’re going to create your own…just don’t be afraid to experiment and fight hard to make them part of your reality!
*Daily journaling/reading/praying in the am
*Pom Energy tea and chia seeds (I don’t drink caffeinated coffee, just tea or decaf)–this is my “secret energy drink” especially when mixed with the natural electrolytes.
*Daily vitalizer strip–my baseline of powerful nutrition that gives me fantastic energy & helps with sleep, digestion, and much more.
*Walks, several times per week, 1-3 miles, usually with kiddos. Time outdoors is soo important for our mental and physical health, even in the winter months.
*Easy salad mixes or shakes with collagen for lunch–making sure I don’t skip that meal.
*Healthy snacks in home and car, so I can reach for them quickly (trail mix, bars, etc).
*Once a week, out of the house, with no kids–time to breathe, read, think, maybe work a little, or just re-calibrate.
(If you don’t have kids, it might just be helpful, setting aside time each week to give yourself permission to explore new hobbies or interests, away from the pressures of your to-do list or job.)
*Stretching & simple yoga sequences, just reminders to reconnect with my body, breathing. Feeling where things feel stuck, releasing. Being grounded & grateful for the gift of a healthy body.
*Evening rituals: gratitude journal, epsom salt baths, cal mag supps, sometimes reading, bullet proof hot cocoa for good, restful sleep.
I can’t wait to hear what daily habits you’re creating in this new decade, to power you towards new dreams and goals!
I want to share a series of mini reflections on postpartum life–or, what’s really going on behind all those cute baby milestone photos we love to smile at. Sometimes it’s hard to peel back the layers–to let others in to this truly intense, often emotional, exhausting, time–it can feel that we’re in the eye of a hurricane–quiet but with huge forces of change all around us.
The reality of postpartum is that of a truly transforming existence for mother and child; as they learn to be apart (after the womb life), and learn to be together, in new ways, and in the world. Each week is unique and oh-so-meaningful, and I know, for myself, I want to remember all of it.
I truly believe that postpartum is a time when both baby and momma are meant to thrive. This has been my mission in coaching many women over the past years, and having this focus myself has helped me tremendously in the past years when #postpartumlife was my ever-present reality.
I’m immensely grateful for my tribe of mommas over in the FB postpartum community; they have been incredible in this phase, and I know if you’re not in there already, you’ll be very welcome indeed–whether you’re about to have a baby, or had a baby 6 years ago…
I’m finally ready to write and process some of the beautiful incredible things that made up the first weeks of postpartum life with Blaise. I know this will be part one of a series, because postpartum life is far from over–but there’s something so incredible, so special about the first 40 days, or 6 weeks, when momma is resting and healing and taking time to focus on bonding with babe…and then, the several weeks following that which are a process of unpacking and beginning to take strides to a new normal–new daily rhythms that work well for all–we’re perhaps just now beginning to find these.
Knowing (as this is my 4th) that this phase is both beautiful, intense and oh-so-short…but that postpartum life is more of a marathon not a sprint I wanted to honor and deeply dive into the first 40 days, soaking it all up with intention rather than having it pass like a blur.
*To the first time momma: it’s impossible to have perspective. I remember so clearly wondering: will I ever sleep again? Will my body ever feel normal again? Will this little human being ever stop needing me so much? The answer to all of these is yes, but in the midst of it all you struggle to feel that anything is as it should be*
NOW, knowing what I know, I decided to just truly bask in the first few weeks, to document everything (sooo many pics of the 4th child, he can’t hold that over us)…and to be still, to be offline much of the time, when I needed a mental break, to be quiet with these changes, to watch my family accept and welcome this new life, and to let the big ripples of this major life change, turn into smaller and smaller ripples as everyone breathes and leans into it, and grows. There is plenty of time to start exercising, to be “productive”, to do errands with baby (spoiled me, I didn’t set foot in a grocery store for 6 weeks around Blaise’ birth), and to look the part. (Yes, I do love new clothes in postpartum, but not because there’s a certain goal size waistline or pressure to bounce back).
There’s no going “back” We’re only going forward to new, better levels of ourselves.
Mother fills a distinct role during this time. She needs to be supported to focus on that; her own healing and re-balancing/recovery as a primary need, and with this, the ability to nourish her child as she nourishes and strengthens herself. Anyone who’s been through it can tell you the deep vulnerability and fragility that is felt, and why it’s crucial that she has a strong and supportive community around her, so she can keep her nervous system at peace.
The realization that postpartum life needs to be paced (and this is just my first post in a series, because there are many distinct phases & topics of postpartum)…is something that’s come to me over the years, and helped inspire a group of us to come together to take back conversations about postpartum life, just how different moms’ needs, goals and habits should be during that period, and to honor it as a time to thrive. This requires a tremendous family and community support to do well–mom must be allowed to re-focus her precious energies without guilt.
A short (mini) birth story
Yes, all postpartum experiences begin with the birth. This wasn’t meant to be the focus of this post/series, but I will share a bit about this beautiful birth experience we had with Blaise.
We waited 10 long days from Blaise’ due date to when he was ready to arrive. My patience grows thin during those times, and it becomes harder to care for the kids and do everything as my body preps for birth. I’m no stranger to post-date babies, but this time, with my hypno-birthing meditations each night, I was able to get perspective and embrace/welcome the natural process of things even as my overly planning/impatient mind couldn’t compute it all sometimes. I called on all the help for school pickups, etc, and rested alot, nested more, and stayed in during some of the coldest days of the winter.
The midwives finally did encourage me (when I was mentally done–and spent the morning both crying/swaying on the birthing ball, and bouncing on my kids trampoline!) that it was time to try castor oil. We did that on a thursday morning (Jan 24th) and my husband stayed home from work, and we arranged to go to the hospital by that evening, no matter where things were, because we knew we didn’t want it dragging on. The castor oil was a totally positive experience for me, not at all icky or hard to manage (I snacked alot and drank tons of hydrate/elecytrolytes)…the contractions were consistent all day, not picking up in pace, but remaining, and when we left the kids peacefully and went in to the hospital and met the midwives and team, I was 3cm along, and contracting well but they were ready to get me into a better pattern and prepare to break my water. I was given a little bit of Pit, and then once my water broke, things progressed quickly. I used my hypnobirthing meditations and then went into the tub to labor once a few contractions felt stronger than I was managing well. Once in the tub, I was only there 5 minutes before I told Joel–I need to get out and push. This was 1.5 hours into my active labor. He was used to two over 24 hour labors (Corinne and Ambrose) so he was seriously skeptical, and tried to convince me to stay in the tub just a bit longer, but somehow husbands wisely know not to argue with their laboring wife…sure enough, I was on the table and pushed Blaise out in 3 pushes, before they had time to even finish wheeling in all the materials, and the midwives laughed at me as I held my 9lb 7oz babe with the biggest grin on my face. He spent so little time in the birth canal and I felt AMAZING as soon as he was out. Such a dream labor and delivery–beyond anything I could have hoped for (though I had been visualizing my perfect birth for weeks, so maybe it’s not a coincidence).
Last pregnant picture–this is it!
Born right after 2am January 25th, our little perfect chunky gift of a baby, to start out 2019 with a bang.
I LOVE the hospital for their “baby friendly” policies and he didn’t leave my room once as we recovered. I had the kids visit and then was ready to go home with my parents who drove up the following day. Getting away from it all and being in a different (short) bubble helps me focus in on the important bonding and early postpartum moments, before life, home and kids come rushing at me. Grateful for the right place to make that transition, and wonderful, wise caregivers.
We loved introducing him to the siblings. He was an immediate hit, and slept through all their pokes, snuggles and “kisses”–for weeks, literally 😉
Intentional & restful postpartum
As I talked about before his birth, I had found myself rushing through the other postpartums with the other kids–if I felt great physically, I would push myself too early, take on too much (or travel alot, etc) and end up frazzled and mentally fried. Even if my body could handle it, it was taking a toll on my nervous system, and felt like more of a blur.
This time around, I RESTED. So much. Way more than is normal for me. I don’t consider myself a very restful person 😉 And it was good.
I napped every day for the first 4 weeks–during the first 2, it was hugely important and I craved that break; my mom would drive Ambrose to pick up the girls from school and I would curl up with Blaise and get at least an hour of lying flat rest. The rest of the time I was totally curled up on the couch with meals being brought to me, teas, broths, I literally didn’t cook a single meal or unload my dishwasher for the first 2 weeks. SO so grateful for my mom stepping in and doing everything. The kids loved it, Joel and I even got out on some date nights when my parents were around the first few weekends, and life felt so different and hugely calm, and like a little bubble of love surrounding us, and it was just perfect. The cold evenings we all hung out by our fire, and took turns cuddling this chub. I had imagined it would be fun to hibernate with a baby, and it has suited me so well (ie, needing a major excuse to stay in and enjoy it, rather than itching to get out, and being stir crazy in winter).
I had a no visitor policy for the first 2 weeks (anyone I would have to get dressed to welcome;)). This was challenging only in a few moments with folks wanting to come by, but they did understand, and it gave me permission to focus entirely on babe, nourishing and resting. I’m an extrovert and love hosting, but I like to have things tidy and at a certain level, so this way, the focus was entirely on my own kiddos and those directly supporting. Having family around to socialize with was wonderful—I could chat as long as I had energy, and hide upstairs when I was done (and know that the kids were in the best of hands).
I will look back on and treasure those moments for a long time—I could feel my body recovering well each day, and while I often am high energy and motivated to do things by day 4-5 postpartum, it’s not that wise for me (and I would regret it) so this time I just did less than I thought I could, and was able to get my sleep into good patterns, my hormones and stress levels were balancing, I held baby all the time, whenever I wanted to, and I didn’t experience any deep exhaustion that way; it made it all more balanced and joyful. I didn’t do anything around the house or much kid management at all–since Joel and my mom were both eager to help with that. I did fold some laundry but that’s because I enjoy doing it and insisted 😉 My mom staying here was a huge gift, and having others doing driving of the kids to and from school, etc, made my restful routines at home possible.
As anyone who’s met him will tell you, Blaise is just a chill, fun kid. He’s the dream baby (that I’ve earned:)) who sleeps like a king…and his little lazy self, just drifting into naps whenever he felt like it–on me or anyone holding him, has been inspiring me in a big way, to take my commitment to sleep/napping more seriously. We could all use a little more lazy Blaisey in our life, right?
Postpartum as a time of transformation
I really embraced this experience of postpartum as a cocoon metaphor; we were in an intense and brief period of transformation, and to do so well, we needed to be away from it all//resting//welcoming support in all forms, and really just being quiet and present to the transformation. I journaled (as I always do) daily, and found that to be a hugely beneficial way to process all that I was experiencing and feeling—not always wanting to talk it out, but mothers always have things that need to be processed, and the right supportive helping team provides this for her too. This quiet/inner work went well with the natural hibernating patterns of Jan/Feb up here, and I knew that soon enough, right about when the warm weather came, we’d be ready for adventures, but to enjoy this brief moment fully–not rushing any bit of it.
When possible, I enjoyed moments of getting dressed and getting out—new moms need this too! Staying in pjs all the time is a recipe for losing sanity a bit ;)—but always followed it up with a nap, and we never tried any crazy outings without extra hands to wrangle the toddler–for the first 4 weeks, to make it enjoyable for all.
This level of rest & welcoming help was huge for me, and of course all my nutrition tools–which I’ve had for the past 2 recoveries which made them so good. You can’t underestimate the effects of post-natal depletion–it’s real, and it’s not good. Our bodies have given SO much to create and birth these human beings, and we have to give time and high quality nourishment and rest to re-balance and come out stronger on the other side. It’s possible, but it takes some serious effort and focus. Energized postpartum starts with a strong baseline for the mother, who’s both nourishing/re-balancing herself and giving alot through feeding her baby.
(to check out these tools for your personalized needs, start here—or message me for a quick health consult if you’re in postpartum).
Having been no stranger to some signs of adrenal fatigue in prior postpartums, I can tell you that it’s something that you can’t mess with–pushing to the edge of your physical or mental capacity. Both you and baby need you at your best, so take that extra time and care. That’s been our focus and why we set things up the way we did for this period of time, and especially since I was so clear that I wanted to come out of this postpartum mentally strong and able to exercise (I have a spring race in the calendar), and ready for some exciting things on the business front…so the more rest and rebuilding that I allowed myself in the first 40 days, the more I could be present and ready for the beautiful next phases as they came.
Some other tools in my toolkit for thriving postpartum:
*The Early reclaim program by every mother. It helped me resolve my diastisis in pregnancy and provided an amazing baseline for core recovery and gentle movement in the first 6 weeks.
*Reflexology; I’m a huge fan of Pippa and I had a session right at the end of my 40 day quiet period, to re-balance my nervous system, energy levels and hormones. Such a gift to find someone who truly knows how the body is meant to heal and re-balance itself. I highly recommend this for postpartum if you haven’t tried, and want an optimal recovery.
*Pelvic & core PT: this has become my go-to for staying active/being an athlete and having babies. Melissa is a wonder worker and I went to her at 3 weeks pp, and schedule to go every 3-4 weeks up through my first running races and getting fully back to a new, better level of fitness. Every mother needs this in their life after birth.
As you may know, I’m a huge fan of the book “The first 40 days, the art of nourishing the new mother“–it completely changed my perspective on postpartum life when I read it after Ambrose, and I embraced many of the healing foods of the book this time around, especially broths and all the focus on hormone-balancing foods and snacks, and they helped me so much.
My dream postpartum breakfast: steaming bone broth with a heaping helping of local ice-cream topped with local granola.Breakfasts cooked every day for me for weeks–a true gift, and so that I could focus on serving breakfast to Blaise:)
I also experienced it as a time of clarity about what mattered—-it’s humbling and beautiful to strip life down to the most essentials, not leaving the house, not cooking meals, barely moving from the couch, and reflecting on–what do I want to add back in to my life? Of course laundry and carpooling are non-negotiables (though outsourcing is wise and I’ll reflect more on that in future posts)…but I mean, beyond, what do we want life to look like? How can we create a new balance that includes this new human beautifully and well? I’m so grateful I was able to lean into these reflections and really consider it all without stress or apprehension. It was instead a perfect moment of “creating space”–the term I focus a lot on in coaching and in my new life design course–that of being willing to add blank space to our schedule—letting go of being busy and instead being free to welcome the memorable, surprising, beautiful elements of life that can sneak up on us when we make room in our planners & hearts.
My 3 words for the year of 2019: First is integration–focused on integrating well as a family of 6, and integrating new routines, etc with baby as a focal point. Another word is intention…and living with the highest level of purposefulness that we can. Life with an infant brings this into sharp focus. My 3rd word for 2019 is impact–and already we’ve shifted things to make this possible in new, smarter ways. Blaise is a huge part of the expanded vision and focus I have, and it’s so exciting to know that family goals can accompany our larger life vision. These weeks really allowed us to delve into these themes and make them real in so many ways.
Thank you for taking time to share in this beautiful, unforgettable chapter of life with us. All the lovely notes, gifts, meals brought, helping hands and beautiful reach-outs just made it all the more special as we enjoyed welcoming and falling in love with our new guy.
The series will continue with posts on topics like: postpartum fitness (lots to say there, as I’m smack in the midst of it all), postpartum and work, postpartum & mental health, and much more. If you have topics you’d like to see discussed–reach out and email me. It’s so important to me to emphasize the beautiful layers of postpartum, and to build a culture that helps moms and babies thrive during this time.
If you’re not on my email list yet–you can hop on at the top of the page to catch the rest of the series in the coming weeks.
By Claire Wilson, artist, runner, lover of nature.
We often hear about the importance of the exercise for the benefit of mental health and overwhelming data and research proves this to be true—physical activity is essential in maintaining a healthy mental outlook. There is a second component to mental health that has been steadily growing in popularity in past decade and that is mindfulness (I think it can also be considered meditation or prayer depending on your religious background). Not surprisingly in our hectic world, people are looking for ways to slow down, to take time to create space in their heads, to breathe, to just be. People are finding this in a myriad of different ways, meditation, yoga, intense physical activity, being outside etc. Mine came in the form of a marathon and a rosary.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety my freshman year of college and ran the gamut of antidepressants for three years. After dropping out of school and finding myself in a zombie like state working at a coffee shop I decided something had to change, the conventional way was not working for me. I was looking into a future of being a slave to a pill that at best put me in a state of no emotion and at worst actually made my symptoms worse. Growing up with a mother whose philosophy towards health and well being was using conventional medicine as a last resort helped motivated me to start looking at more natural alternatives and start my journey to finding the root cause of my depression and anxiety (I just want to put a disclaimer here, I am by no means judging anyone on antidepressants, they have their place and your treatment is between you and your doctor. I would encourage you to look into alternatives though). That is when I got the insane idea to run a marathon, insane because at the time I had just enough will power in a day to crawl from underneath my covers, work my seven hour shift, and crawl back under my blankets. That’s not exactly conducive for doing the 10 to 15 mile training runs needed for a successful race. To this day I am not exactly sure why I chose to start with exercise and particularly running something as extreme as a marathon. Part of me needed to reach for something so huge, so seemingly beyond my capability that it really was a race against myself, to prove to myself that if I can run a marathon than I can take this far more challenging and difficult race of getting well,
By the grace of God a little over a year later I ran my marathon! It truly was by the grace of God because there was a time in my training that I was going to quit, it was too hard for me. That is when I brought in the spiritual and, being a Catholic, that came in the form of the rosary (sometimes 5 or 6 of them if the run was very long!). By meditating while exercising I was able to create a space of peace in my head beyond the physical discomforts I was feeling. it was a space that i could think, something I was struggling to do because of my fears and anxieties. It was a space where I could go beyond my mental illness and start to feel human again because I was mastering discipline with my body and making it do something amazing. A space where I could offer up my current discomforts for someone going through a difficult time. It brought these two elements, the physical and the spiritual, into a relationship with each other working towards the goal of total health!
Fast forward nearly ten years later, my journey, while definitely a bit of a roller coaster, finds me in a much better place thanks to the lesson of combining the physical with the spiritual. I am able to see difficulties in my life as opportunities to grow or to sacrifice for others. I can be fully present with family and friends and enjoy quiet time alone without let depression and anxiety consume me. And for the times when things are difficult (because let’s face it even the happiest and healthiest of us have bad day or even weeks, it is part of the human condition) I turn to the lessons I learned in therapy, I review how my diet has been, I lean more into my supplements and vitamins and I turn to the moments of movement and mindfulness, of prayer and breathing.
Whatever form your mindfulness takes, do it with great intention and combine it with some form of physical activity. Go for a hike and meditate or pray at the the summit. Hit your crossfit session hard and think about someone you know who is suffering and dedicate it to that person. Do some form of stretching, strengthening and/or breathing exercises and really concentrate on calming your mind. I wish you all the best in your journey to optimal mental health!
Claire Wilson an artist, outdoor enthusiast and promoter of mental health living in the beautiful Pacific Northwest! She hopes to help others see the importance of whole body (spiritual, mental and physical) health and how it can help one live their best life! You can find her on instagram at @onefingeroutofwater
Welcome to our first guest post of the coming months! So grateful to my lifelong friend Monica for taking time out of her busy life with 4 littles to share this amazing recipe, and some beautiful reflections that all us moms can take to heart.
Congratulations on the entire Pidel family on the beautiful new addition to the family! There is nothing more beautiful than a loving family. I know your newest little angel is going to be so well taken care of by all his siblings!
When I added my fourth child to our tribe this past spring, I received an inspiring piece of advice that, while simple in declaration, has proven to be rather challenging in execution. A nurse at the hospital who was tending to me post-delivery, advised me to be sure to give each one of my children 20 minutes a day of my undivided attention. We could do anything we want during those twenty minutes as long as the focus is entirely on them so that they feel cherished and special. Thinking that was a wonderful idea, I have made that a priority over the past months and at first it seemed an easy enough task to fulfill each day. But then, the days grew shorter, the school year started up again, our schedules became quite hectic, and the baby started becoming more mobile and less content to sit in a bouncy chair or play pen while I tended to his siblings.
I began to notice that my eldest received his 20 minutes of attention fairly easily – he simply demanded it. He never stops talking and will not be silent until he finishes telling me what is on his mind, as well as ever juicy piece of gossip he learned at school that day. He also requires a bit of help with homework on a daily basis, so I always devote some amount of personal time to him in that regard.
My third child, Lucia, is home with me still during the day and I am able to find precious moments here and there to play a game with her, do a craft, or read a book. Lately, she has been enjoying schooling me in Candy Land and I have no idea how she does it because I’m almost completely certain that game is entirely based on luck. But, regardless, she makes it to the magical, sugary Promised Land before me every single time. She easily gets in her 20 minutes of attention.
And baby Daniel, please…he is practically an extra appendage, always hanging off of me similar to a baby orangutan at the zoo. He gets lots of mommy time.
Then there is my second child, Emma. The child who is the most independent, the most dependable, and the most capable of getting all her work done without much fuss or reminding. Emma is very good about entertaining herself, often disappearing to our basement after school to make paper flowers, crowns, or other little creations in solitude. I love her independence, but an unfortunate result of that is she is often the one who gets skipped having special time with me each day.
So, I began inviting Emma to sit at the counter and draw, read, and chat as I make dinner each night. She has never been very enthusiastic about helping me in the kitchen, both Matthew and Lucy are much more willing to lend a hand with cooking, but she has jumped at the opportunity to just be with me as I cook away each and every evening. She is a funny little thing and I so enjoy listening to her perspective on the world – it certainly beats any podcast I would otherwise be tuning into! And she just visibly brightens after having some attention from me and goes to bed at night happier and content. Even though she does not ask for or demand my attention, I have to ensure that I do not skip making some time for her – and all of my children. Even if the dishes are dirty and the laundry is piled high, nothing is more important than being a mother to these precious little ones. I can have a spotless home later in life, but my children are little right now and right now they just want me to be with them.
On that sentimental note, I wish to share with you a recipe for a nourishing, rich, and filling soup, one that soothes the soul while feeding the body. Not everyone loves mushroom, but I have found that even mushroom skeptics – like my husband – think this soup to be delectable. It’s creamy, delicately flavored, and filling while not weighing you down too much. I love the rich mushroom flavor in the broth, the heartiness from the wild rice and the bright finish from the lemon zest. It’s a perfect winter soup, simple enough for weeknight meals but not quite too humble to serve for guests.
Wild Rice and Mushroom Soup
adapted slightly from America’s Test Kitchen
¼ ounce dried shiitake mushrooms, rinsed
4 ¼ cups water
1 sprig fresh thyme
1 bay leaf
1 garlic clove, peeled, plus 4 cloves, minced
Salt and pepper
¼ teaspoons baking soda
1 cup wild rice
4 tablespoons unsalted butter
1 pound cremini mushrooms, trimmed and sliced ¼ inch thick
1 onion, chopped fine
1 teaspoon tomato paste
2/3 cup dry sherry
4 cups low-sodium chicken broth
1 tablespoon soy sauce
¼ cup cornstarch
½ cup heavy cream
¼ cup minced chives
¼ teaspoon finely grated lemon zest
Chopped fresh parsley, for serving (optional)
Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 375 degrees. Grind shiitake mushrooms in spice grinder or using a mortar and pestle until finely ground – you should have about 3 tablespoons.
Bring 4 cups of water, thyme, bay leaf, garlic clove, ¾ teaspoon salt, and baking soda to boil in medium saucepan over high heat. Add rice and return to boil. Cover saucepan, transfer to oven, and bake until rice is tender, 35 to 50 minutes. Strain rice through fine-mesh strainer set in 4-cup liquid measuring cup; discard thyme, bay leaf, and garlic. Add enough water to reserved cooking liquid to measure 3 cups.
Melt butter in Dutch oven over high heat. Add cremini mushrooms, onion, minced garlic, tomato paste, ¾ teaspoon salt, and 1 teaspoon pepper. Cook, stirring occasionally, until vegetables are browned and dark fond develops on bottom of pot, 15 minutes. Add sherry, scraping up any browned bits, and cook until reduced and pot is almost dry, about 2 minutes. Add ground shiitake mushrooms, reserved rice cooking liquid, broth and soy sauce and bring to boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, covered, until onion and mushrooms are tender, about 20 minutes.
Whisk cornstarch and remaining ¼ cup water in small bowl. Stir cornstarch slurry into soup, return to simmer, and cook until thickened, about 2 minutes. Remove pot from heat and stir in cooked rice, cream, chives, and lemon zest. Cover and let stand for 20 minutes. Season with salt and pepper to taste, sprinkle with the chopped fresh parsley, and serve!
More about Monica of A Beautiful Mess
Monica is the cook, baker, and primary administrator of the blog A Beautiful Mess. She initially began the blog at the urging of her husband and sister-in-law as a way to share photographs, stories, and recipes with our families. An avid lover of bread in any form, Monica has had to demonstrate major restraint to not post only carbohydrate-centered recipes. She has successfully convinced her husband that a salad can be a sufficient main dish and vegetables are his friends. When she is not blogging or cooking, Monica enjoys chasing after her kiddos, running, pilates, drinking copious amounts of coffee, scrapbooking, and relaxing with a good book while listening to a selection from her collection of vintage vinyl records. However, her absolute favorite pastime is probably poking fun at her husband.
