This season of the year can feel like the mad dash to cram in all the things we needed to finish for 2017, fill the days with new (wonderful) events and activities, parties, people, and sometimes, the very thought of our to-do lists and calendars can make us sweat a little…
I’ve been reflecting on what it means to simplify the holidays…and it’s something many of our hearts long for–as I talk to dear friends around the country…it will look different for each of us, but I’ve felt called since last week to write a post to attempt to put my reflections on this topic into a short post that will create space in your heart and your mind rather than cramming it full. We can support each other in taking steps to create a simpler, more joyful December.
Here’s a rich quote that I discovered today (thanks St. Ambrose)…and it really sums up more beautifully than I could, what we’re grappling with.
“Let your door stand open to receive Him, unlock your soul to Him, offer Him a welcome in your mind, and then you will see the riches of simplicity, the treasures of peace, the joy of grace. Throw wide the gate of your heart, stand before the sun of the everlasting light…” -St Ambrose
(I think that whatever faith tradition you’re coming from; this time of year connected to the soltice etc is about turning inward, reflection, considering the state of one’s heart going into the new year, and is apropos to the feasts that each faith celebrates).
The riches of simplicity. That’s what I’m after. And it’s a struggle, because the great current and culture (just step into any mall on a weekend) is rushing past us saying “more, more”.
So, how does this creating of space look? I’ll consider several angles and share some things we’ve found helpful as a family over the years…(And believe me, I’m completely in process on this, and need your ideas and sharing to support mine). There’s a book I’m just starting called “The best Yes” and the premise of it is that saying “no” in small areas allows us to say “yes” to the things that really matter, and that is what allows us to step off the crazy race of feeling pulled in a million directions and wondering which aspects of it all will have the most meaning. Think back to past holidays–what moments stand out? The crazy last minute trips to the mall or the grocery store for the 3rd time that day (hey, guilty)…or the moments when everyone is together, feasting, celebrating, or even quiet preparation moments—candles, music, baking with kids (or without)…I’m choosing to create space to let the good stuff come first…and that’s going to mean some things just won’t happen this year, and I’m making my peace with that too.
*Simplifying priorities and calendar*
…this helps me so much. If I know something like a tree-cutting as a family, Nutcracker, or ice-skating is a priority for us, I’ve learned to schedule it in at once (block scheduling) so that if other things come up or we’re invited here or there, I can already know that our priorities are there, scheduled, ready for us to enjoy the moments.
Some people love doing Christmas cards, others don’t. Some people love doing parties 4 nights a week. Others of us can handle 1 or 2 and that’s about our max at the moment…so embrace your priorities and let go of any guilt…I know doses of it in past years when confronting choices and it ends up adding to my stress, which none of us need.
*Simplifying expectations*
Isn’t this the kicker? We all want to do so many things with each day. We have long idealized to-do lists. But sometimes letting go of those expectations and welcoming what is offered to us in the moment, in the twists and turns of the day, is where we’ll discover the true magic of the season. Perhaps instead of making cookies for everyone you love, you invite some folks over for a cookie party–one place, everyone laughs, enjoys, decorates together, and takes home a plate (we did this one year with little ones and it was a big hit…and saved so much time/extra stuff for me). Maybe you let yourself off the hook for doing the elaborate holiday get-together you did in past years, and embrace a potluck brunch model with friends…last year, when I had a newborn, I had to simplify expectations I had (for myself) big-time!, and while it was humbling, it was also incredible to discover the core of some of our most important traditions, which appeared when alot was stripped away.
*Simplifying gifts*w3
Am I the only one? I struggle with the tension of wanting the perfect thing for each person on my list, and being also torn with the time and effort (and even budget) sometimes to get all those things taken care of in just a few weeks. And really, for people close to us and people far, don’t they value things that are ,unusual, home-made, from the heart? I don’t claim to be a pinterest mom by any stretch of the imagination, but of course I like the idea of making things for people…so simple things and considering how often I can give experiences or time, helps with making the list very meaningful and something that lasts more than a day. Our kids this year are of course going to have a few things under the tree, but we’re also really emphasizing experiences, learning opportunities, fun, things we can commit to doing with them. And for many of us, something like a certificate to “brunch” or “a movie together” or “watching your kids while you go out with your husband” might end up meaning SO much more…the gift of time, as we all know, blesses others more richly than we can imagine. Or what about giving a book you cherish AND giving the coffee date to discuss said book…it truly changes the gift when framed in that way.
I do like to keep some easy (remember, not pinteresty) gifts around for the kids to make for family and friends…here are some of our favorites.
This is the biggest topic that moms and dads (and everyone) have to discern and discuss, since it’s such a joy to watch children open anticipated (or surprise) gifts on Christmas. But for many of us, the goal of keeping the rest of the year (and homes) simple can feel at odds on this count….so please, share your thoughts!
*Space for self-care* (and teaching this to our kids).
This one is super relevant for moms, dads, teachers, and anyone who’s caring for others in all the ways we love to, but especially this season. It’s relevant for all of us. The demands can get very intense, and, as you might imagine, my gentle nudge to you is to embrace a higher level of self-care//wellness//whatever that means to you….when you’re more complete, more whole, you’re giving a better version of yourself to everyone you encounter. This might mean yoga every day for a few minutes, a bath after the end of a long day, it might mean midday walks (these are my saving grace, for my energy and winter mood, plus can be done with kiddos), it might mean carving out the time for reflection, prayer and using an advent journal such as the one I’m loving called Rooted in Hope. It might mean (guilty), setting an alarm to remind yourself to go to bed so you can be a functioning human being the next day; it might mean drinking shakes and taking your vits in the morning before you start sipping cocktails at night…whatever it is, factor it in, and embrace it as part of what you’re called to do in the name of service, self-gift, and bringing holiday cheer.
For my kids, it’s reminding them to take moments for themselves as needed, to still get outside for fresh air even when it’s bitter, and to be aware when they’re feeling the need for quiet time, reading, time apart. Emma is doing a journal with me, I love that she understands (and is reinforced at school)–the deeper reason for the season beyond santa wish lists.
*Space for service*
Connected to giving time and experiences, I find it a beautiful thing to do a service project (or 2) this time of year. The girls have several gift drives in their school and our Church, which I love and they are beautiful ways to connect to the larger community’s experience of the season. But what about giving these precious hours during the craziest time of the year? I remember last year I had to work hard to find a group that would let us volunteer as a family (many places have rules about small children etc) but when we were able to help out at a Christmas pageant/dinner with the Missionaries of charity, it was the most beautiful evening shared, and we left feeling so much more filled and touched than we could have imagined. I would sacrifice a shopping day for that kind of family experience anytime. Do you like to do service this time of year? Share your experiences, I’ll be thrilled to get new ideas from you all.
*Creating space in the home*
Right before the holidays, there’s often a big desire/push to declutter and evaluate excess/extra that can be given away to others. We may have guests coming, we have a myriad of new holiday decor out, and without a bit of clearing space, it can feel downright crowded/cluttered.
I have in the past years, had the girls go through their toys and pick ones they would donate to others, and we’ve cleared out sometimes up to 1/3rd of their belongings at this time, which truly they weren’t using/attached to! These make great gifts to others in need, or end of year tax write-offs if nothing else.
Now, that I have a new method for managing toys and do more of an ongoing (KonMari/Spark Joy) method for their items, it’s become less critical, but I did go through and remove 1.5 bins of toys from their stash, and if, after the holidays, we don’t seem to need/notice them for a few months, they may get donated too.
This is such a beautiful analogy to how we’re called to create space in our hearts…and the physical act of decluttering, and also giving beauty and precedence/honor to the things we choose to keep and display, is a spiritual experience for many of us as well. More on that in the new year from me (hop on my list to see the program offerings that are coming….so important, right? We all feel this need to consciously and gratefully craft homes that are not overwhelming or overflowing…it’s a joyful balancing act, and truly one of privilege. When we feel spaciousness, there is room for new. And don’t we all want to be made new by the eve of December 31st….ready for what 2018 will offer us, if we have the calm, peace, and spaciousness to receive it.
Thank you for reading these ramblings, I hope you’ll share your thoughts on the matter…and next up…some healthy holiday treats coming your way!a